Do you and your DP/DH/DW tell each other everything??

[noseyparkerox]

Maybe I'm just a gossipy, nosey Parker and being totally unreasonable here but am I unreasonable to think it's normal for your significant other to share any gossip or goings on.. For example say if one of my friends told me some gossip or something going on in their life such as maybe they've had some major falling out with their mate Kathy for whatever reason, I would tell my DP if he knows the person.. (that's just an example)
I assumed it was normal to have a little gossip about what's occurring in other people's lives that you know of!?? However, tonight my DP was having a phone call with his close friend, whom we're both friends with and his DP (we go on double dates etc.. however more DPs friends than mine..) from the convo it sounded like they've maybe split or something.. anyway he gets off the phone and I was like oooo what's happened?? I'm then told that I'm just a nosey gossip and that he's not telling me.. right so I'm not actually bothered that he hasn't told me even though I am but my point is that surely it's normal for you to share gossip or goings on that you know of to your partners?!? Even if it is personal.. This is not the first time DP hasn't told me things that are none of my business it's becoming apparent that he tells me nothing going on with other people.. Can I also clarify that I only ever gossip to my DP and no-one else, he's the only person I ever tell anyone anything to if someone's told me something.. so there's no reason he would think I'm gonna go blab to anyone else. I am actually really good at keeping a secret just not from my DP..
so anyway back to the point of this thread.. Do you and your partners tell each other everything? Or is it just me being a nosey gossip..

Yes we tell each other everything.

Best part of of a boys or girls night out is sharing the crack in bed with a cuppa!!

Only exception was something my best friend once told me and asked me to keep it a secret. I was the only person on the planet to know this secret and she's been in my life longer than DH lol

Yes. Luckily my close friends are the same with their partners and would never ask me to keep a secret from him. The only people I would do it for if they had a very good reason would be my cousin (who is like a sister to me) and my SIL (DH's sister).

No I don’t tell my dp ‘gossip’ about my friends.

One of my friends recently got caught having an affair ...

I knew she was having the affair and didn’t tell him, I also haven’t told him that she was caught or that they are working on it.

It’s non of his business.

And I can’t see why he would care.

Yes we do. But I have always told friends that we do talk about stuff and they have told me that they do the same thing with theirs, so we do all know where we stand.

Uhmm... yes and no. He's sort of an extension of myself tbh.

I'm in a position where I speak to some of the worst offenders in the country. I cannot say who they are to anyone, so I don't.

Even I don't know what they have done unless I google. I choose not to.

Anything else...yeah.

Not everything. Partly professional duty - I'm a doctor so people (friends, not just actual patients) often tell me medical information which I have to keep to myself. But also if a friend tells me something really personal in confidence, I value friendships over a bit of gossip so I wouldn't pass it on

Yes... But I do know that he would share certain stuff with his brother so I filter accordingly.

No. Of course not.

If someone has told me something in confidence, then it remains just that - in confidence.

If someone is announcing to a group they are expecting, then they are clearly happy to share that, so I would tell him, but if someone has been having a private chat with me about their woes, then it is exactly that - private.

Same with dh. He wouldn't tell me something unless he is told by the 'owner' of the news to let people know.

No I don't tell my DP everything. What for? I don't betray my friend's confidences either. It's not DP's business and I doubt he'd be interested anyway.

As you see, your H knows you prattle too much and in his way, has told you so. If you're known to be a gossip he may have been asked not to tell you anyway.

A friend of mine went through a bad time some years ago. Confided in me & another friend of ours. One evening we were at this other friend's house and her H blurted out something that made it clear she'd been gossiping to him about mutual friend's situation. After that we never told her anything.

Of course it's not the case that you'd never mention something to do with a friend but you have to have a limit, know what's fair to tell and what isn't.

I've another friend I've known since childhood but can only take her in small doses. She gossips all the time, it's like bombardment of the brain. No thanks..not telling her anything. I bet she flays her H's ears with tittle-tattle too.

DH and I share a lot.

Mind you, if I had just come off a call with a sad friend and DH was all joyfully excited for juicy gossip then I'd be quite disappointed in him tbh. My friend's pain isn't for him to get off on.

I tell dh everything from what the cashier did in Tesco to big earth shattering stuff. He literally knows all my work colleagues that hes never met. He usually switches off from me and his eye glaze over so I know my secrets are safe. I think it's therapeutic to get your rants out and to get someone else point of view. If I don't tell him about what's happened that day he gets a bit worried. He tells me all his 'gossip' too that his mates are up to. It does stay strictly between us. I think it's more off loading than gossiping

Sounds like your partner has more integrity than you @noseyparkerox

No. I don't particularly care for gossip. I don't tell him anything I'm told about friends and he doesn't tell me. Only exception is if it's made clear that we're alright to tell one another.

I would never expect or ask a married friend/sibling/confidante to keep a secret from their spouse. I think that somehow could be detrimental to their relationship.
Often though, stuff I may tell my best friend and vice versa has no relevance to DH and similarly news from his mates.
Discussing professional/business information is a different matter.

I don’t gossip to him about people we know. If it’s someone he’s also very close to and he might be able to help in some way then I’ll tell him, so long as it’s not too sensitive. If there’s no reason to tell him then I don’t. If he was all excited to hear about whatever bad news was afflicting our friends, I’d tell him nothing, ever.

We do share little gossipy anecdotes about people we don’t really know ie. some entertaining story about someone who works in a different department or is a friend of a friend of a friend, but only when they’re far removed enough from us that it’s just that, a story.

No, if I think it’s something sensitive or have been asked to keep a confidence I’ll do it. I don’t see it as keeping secrets from my DH though, so much as something that’s not any of his business and that he doesn’t need to be aware of.

Equally I’d be appalled if I shared something with a friend in confidence only to find they had shared it with their partner (who only told one other person, who only told this one other person...,)

I don’t think it’s true that “everyone loves a gossip”, it’s a horrible fall out from social media and reality tv that folk seem to think every detail of others lives are up for public consumption. I wouldn’t be friends with a gossip.

It depends. Gossipy nonsense especially about not close people, sure. Actual issues involving close friends - no.

OP, your tone, your words, your general use of the word “gossip” - all of it really puts me off. Also I struggle to understand how people use the “DP and I are fused together to become one person” approach to other peoples life stories. DP and I have a partnership - in that partnership we contribute various things, there is mutual give and take, but we are not one individual. His friends’ lives are not gossip fodder for me. My friends lives not gossip fodder for him.

@thoughtlessinengland has it spot on. My oldest friend had a nasty habit of discussing things I asked her to keep private with her husband - everything from my early menopause to how I felt about a family bereavement to a couple of dates I'd been on. So I ended the friendship. Accordingly to a mutual friend, she's devastated, and really misses me - she lost a lot of friends when she met her husband because they are "as one", and wouldn't do anything not as a couple.

If I can't trust my friend, then she's not a friend.

Most things, but not everything (ie really personal stuff of a friend esp if he knows them well as it could make things embarrassing and it’s not fair really either).
I’d be more likely to tell him gossip of people he doesn’t know that well as he won’t see them (ie mum friends he vaguely knows). So, did you know so and so split up.
Also I know he’s not that interested if he doesn’t know the person ie, someone from work.
So if say my best friend met someone I’d tell him immediately, but if another friend was having bad marital issues I may not.
I think generally I’d expect a friend to tell their spouse ‘gossip’, unless I expressly told them not to.

If someone tells me a secret or something they don't want passed on I wouldn't tell DH. Unless its affects him. But we do gossip about some things.

Discussing professional/business information is a different matter.

Why are your friends and family members less worthy of your integrity than your employer?

DP tells me everything (I think, anyway!) but I don't tell him everything. There are certain things a (mutual) friend of mine has told me that I know she wouldn't want him to know and although I know he itches to know everything, I'll carry those secrets to the grave.

I always assume that if I tell one half of a couple something, then both will automatically know, so if I don't want the other half of a couple to know something I'll ask specifically for them to keep it to themselves. And if, like one of my brothers, they 'have' to include their partner in absolutely everything, I just won't tell them anything.

I believe DH and I are very open with each other although I am sure we don't tell each other everything. I would be surprised if any couple tell each other everything.

If I am told something in confidence then I do not betray that confidence. If I felt it was something really important that I couldn't cope with alone then I would ask if they minded If I told DH. I did this once when friend was being seriously abused by her husband and told me she was suicidal all the time and in the knowledge that she once drove into a forest, took medication and left long suicide letter in car for her daughter.

My DM however takes things to another extreme and never says to her DC anything that another of her DC has said. I'm not talking 'in confidence' stuff here, I mean anything that is said, no matter how trivial. We all find the way she compartmentalises our conversations a bit very weird.

Absolutely not. If the person concerned wanted him to know they’d tell him.