Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Do you and your DP/DH/DW tell each other everything??

76 replies

noseyparkerox · 31/10/2019 20:02

Maybe I'm just a gossipy, nosey Parker and being totally unreasonable here but am I unreasonable to think it's normal for your significant other to share any gossip or goings on.. For example say if one of my friends told me some gossip or something going on in their life such as maybe they've had some major falling out with their mate Kathy for whatever reason, I would tell my DP if he knows the person.. (that's just an example)
I assumed it was normal to have a little gossip about what's occurring in other people's lives that you know of!?? However, tonight my DP was having a phone call with his close friend, whom we're both friends with and his DP (we go on double dates etc.. however more DPs friends than mine..) from the convo it sounded like they've maybe split or something.. anyway he gets off the phone and I was like oooo what's happened?? I'm then told that I'm just a nosey gossip and that he's not telling me.. right so I'm not actually bothered that he hasn't told me even though I am but my point is that surely it's normal for you to share gossip or goings on that you know of to your partners?!? Even if it is personal.. This is not the first time DP hasn't told me things that are none of my business it's becoming apparent that he tells me nothing going on with other people.. Can I also clarify that I only ever gossip to my DP and no-one else, he's the only person I ever tell anyone anything to if someone's told me something.. so there's no reason he would think I'm gonna go blab to anyone else. I am actually really good at keeping a secret just not from my DP..
so anyway back to the point of this thread.. Do you and your partners tell each other everything? Or is it just me being a nosey gossip..

OP posts:

Original poster

noseyparkerox · 31/10/2019 20:33

It's just how it is.. you can't control what people talk about!

OP posts:

amiapropermum · 31/10/2019 20:34

I think a genuine concern is normal and nice. From the way you described yourself saying, "Oooh what happened?" it may have come across as you just having a salacious interest to your DP so he didn't want to tell you

FarAwaySheep · 31/10/2019 20:35

No. Both of us keep quiet about friends' secrets which they'd rather not have discussed. Sometimes a friend might not have specifically asked me to keep quiet, but if I reckon it's too sensitive a thing then I won't mention it to DH.

And sometimes he keeps quiet about confidential things from work (his job involves some hush-hush stuff sometimes). After the event, when confidentiality is not so important, then he will sometimes show me a newspaper article and tell me what they did behind the scenes...

amiapropermum · 31/10/2019 20:36

That's true - you can't control what people talk about so that's why I'm careful what I share with people. I've known my friends a long, long time. They've shared some private stuff with me in the past and vice versa. There has to be trust there.

chipsandgin · 31/10/2019 20:39

No. If I’m told something in confidence I respect that - I’d expect the same of my friends & I wouldn’t tell people stuff who I thought wouldn’t respect mine!

LadyofMisrule · 31/10/2019 20:39

No gossip here. If people tell me stuff, I don't assume I have the right to tell him. Not that he would listen anyway - it's hard enough to get him to remember the important stuff, without filling his head with additional crap.

TheCatsWhisker · 31/10/2019 20:44

I'll tell my DH news, if a friend starts dating someone and is open about it with friends.

But as soon as it is something told in confidence, or if I imagine I wouldn't want the info sharing if I was the other person, then no.

TBH OP you sound like a gossip and I would be very wary of trusting you with anything if I was your friend.

Your friends are not there for you to make conversation about.

mbosnz · 31/10/2019 20:51

I tell my friends up front that if they tell me, they're most likely telling DH. And that I cannot keep a bloody secret to save myself.

LavendarGreen · 31/10/2019 20:54

No.

I tell him most stuff, and don't keep much from him per se...

However, if someone entrusted me with THEIR secret, then of course I wouldn't tell him. It's not my secret to tell.

Partners/husbands/wives, don't have to know EVERYthing.

PleaseSirMyGoat · 31/10/2019 21:00

I share about 98% with DP I reckon. There's definitely the odd occasion where I will keep things back though if it's sensitive/confidential

Walnutwhipster · 31/10/2019 21:03

No. If I'm told something in confidence it stays that way. I don't hide any part of my life from him but my friends trust me if I say it won't say anything.

saraclara · 31/10/2019 21:08

This is why I end up not telling anyone much about my life. I hate gossip, and when I do trust people with stuff I now have to worry about whether they're going to tell their partners.

If I wanted my friend's other half to know my worries, I'd tell them. If I've only told my friend, then only my friend should know.

Women who see themselves and their husbands as a single entity and believe that their husband has a right to know everything that they do, drive me nuts.

OneForMeToo · 31/10/2019 21:10

Depends what it is. Divorce yeah. Vaginal issues nope.

ExcitedForFuture · 31/10/2019 21:10

Given the amount of times you say gossip, I'd say you are very much one and he doesn't trust you. Plus as a PP said, you aren't concerned or anything, just want to juicy details.

I tell DP most things. When I've been told something in confidence by a friend I don't share this. He tells me everything to. If he was specifically told not to, he wouldn't.

OneForMeToo · 31/10/2019 21:11

Dh doesn’t really know my friends however so not likely at all to get back to anyone

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 31/10/2019 21:14

Yes, DH and I told each other everything. It is frustrating not to have anyone to share stuff with now - for example, someone at work was assaulted, DH knew the colleague's mother so the first thing I wanted to do when I got home was to tell him. I think it's normal

honeyloops · 31/10/2019 21:17

I tell OH everything, or 99.9% of things. Medical stuff would be off limits, but otherwise I do - not usually in a gossipy pleased-at-someone's-misfortune way like 'you'll never guess what' (unless it's legitimately juicy gossip), but more in a 'I was talking to X and they said Y happened'.

In the same vein though, anything I tell my friends I'd expect their spouse to know about so I'm not hypocritical.

ShiningInTheDark · 31/10/2019 21:18

Yes we tell each other everything - very occasionally dh will with-hold market sensitive info..... just incase.

feelingsinister · 31/10/2019 21:20

I agree @saraclara
It's awful how many people are apparently ok with sharing their friend's secrets with their partners/husbands.

Passing it off as concern is the worst bit, it's not it's gossiping and it's rude.

tillytrotter1 · 31/10/2019 21:20

God, no, otherwise he would tell me his and I would have to feign interest.`

IdblowJonSnow · 31/10/2019 21:29

Hmm, it depends. Not always but sometimes. My dh is really good at keeping secrets/confidences but some things it just wouldn't be appropriate for him to know. He's not nosey though so doesn't ask.

CravingCheese · 31/10/2019 21:49

anyway he gets off the phone and I was like oooo what's happened??m then told that I'm just a nosey gossip and that he's not telling me.. right so I'm not actually bothered that he hasn't told me even though I am but my point is that surely it's normal for you to share gossip or goings on that you know of to your partners?!?

Sounds like you wanted to be entertained by gossip. I would have told my DH off if he had acted that way about a dear friend having a potentially difficult time.

Do I gossip? Sure. Do I talk about my loved ones having a difficult time? Especially when the other person is clearly nosey / after a piece of gossip?
No way.

MsMustDoBetter · 31/10/2019 21:52

I tell my spouse all that he needs to know and anything else that might pique his interest. He doesn't like gossip, he would like to believe that I am above that (). I don't keep any secrets that could damage our marriage.

refraction · 31/10/2019 22:10

Depends what it is. Divorce yeah. Vaginal issues nope.

Agree with this. If my friend Sue is having an affair then probably I would tell oh but if she told me in confidence that she was struggling with a prolapsed vagina. I would think that just mean to tell anyone else.

lboogy · 31/10/2019 22:15

I don't tell him personal stuff about my friends or my family for that matter. You need to learn to keep people's confidence otherwise they may as well not tell you anything

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread