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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU 40th birthday party?

38 replies

berringer · 31/10/2019 11:21

My husband is thinking about throwing a 40th birthday party for himself. He wants to hire a big house for a couple of nights that's close to where most people he's inviting live and have a big meal for everyone (including older family members) on the friday night and then everyone else that wants to to continue on with the party for the rest of the weekend. He's probably going to invite 400 plus people and there'd be beds for that amount.

He's not sure though what to do about it financially. The house he's looking at would cost £1000 a night ish. He's thinking that he could pay for the house (!!!) and then ask people to bring all the food and drink. Or he's thinking he could ask people to pay something for a room (up to £50 for two nights) and he could pay for booze and catering and some entertainment.

His family and friendship group would definitely be up for it, they all love a party. He's a popular guy. and it's over a year away so plenty of time for people to organise themselves.

Just not sure what's the best way to ask people to contribute? or is it not OK at all to ask people to contribute. What do you reckon AIBU?

OP posts:
QueenofmyPrinces · 31/10/2019 11:24

I can’t get past the bit about inviting 400 people.

How the hell do you know 400 people?

And where are you considering hiring to sleep that many people?

I can only assume you meant 40 people, not 400??

If you actually did mean 400 though then all my original questions still stand Grin

ElusiveOrangeTwirl · 31/10/2019 11:25

I'm envisioning a prison to house 400 people!

AryaStarkWolf · 31/10/2019 11:26

You could ask people to pay an amount towards accommodation, that seems fair. Must be a big ass house to sleep 400 people though

SallyWD · 31/10/2019 11:27

What place can provide beds for 400 people? I'd be surprised if Buckingham Palace could!!

RuggerHug · 31/10/2019 11:29

That has to be a typo and it's 40 people....right?

LucileDuplessis · 31/10/2019 11:30

I don't think there is a single correct answer to this, but personally I think I would

  • pay for the house
  • pay for a small amount of food and drink, and ask everyone to bring a bottle and a 'bring and share' dish of food
wowfudge · 31/10/2019 11:33

You must mean 40 people? I've done this with friends but there were around 25 of us. We paid for the accommodation as it was a weekend away, but the host and birthday person paid for caterers on the Saturday night. I bought a birthday cake as I knew the host wouldn't buy themselves a cake.

LonginesPrime · 31/10/2019 11:33

If I were throwing a party like that, I'd pay for the accommodation, food and drink - guests contribute by bringing lovely presents (hopefully with gift receipts...).

Justapatchofgrass · 31/10/2019 11:34

400- camping?

LonginesPrime · 31/10/2019 11:36

Just to add, if I were asking people to cover some of the accommodation costs, I would throw the big party on the first night so that staying on overnight is optional. Then I think it's fine to ask people to pay for it, as you might for a wedding.

BarbaraofSeville · 31/10/2019 11:41

The OP has to mean 40 people.

I think if you're inviting people to something like that, you need to pay for the accommodation, and maybe some food and booze, but most people would be happy to bring things themselves. Might need a bit of organisation to make sure there's enough to go round, without lots of waste.

But how does he imagine the weekend going? I can understand the Friday night party and staying over so no-one has to travel, but then what's going to happen during the daytime on Saturday?

You need to think of something to do on Saturday afternoon if it's going to be an all weekend thing or else people are going to be flagging/restless by mid afternoon and they'll just feel like they're hanging around waiting for dinner and more booze/partying on the Saturday night?

PooWillyBumBum · 31/10/2019 11:52

Personally I'd feel cheeky asking people to contribute to accommodation, especially if they're local and have kids and he's chosen that venue instead of a hall/hotel for a night (which may well be free if buying catering and booze!) Although them bringing booze and food may well come to the same value it somehow feels less taboo than asking for cold hard cash. Plus it'll lead to awkward chasing and there will be the inevitable few who forget.

I would pay for the house and ask people to bring their own booze (with directions to nearest offy if they go dry) and a homemade dish to share on Friday night. Saturday lunch could be leftovers (there is always too much food) and then maybe Sat could be a massive chilli and rice...or ask everyone to chip in a fiver and get pizza for 40! Then you'd pay for: accommodation, a cake, nibbles and stuff for breakfasts.

Honestly though I'd be tempted just to have a one night thing like normal. With 40 you could probably have an event room in a pub or hotel and it'd be so much cheaper and less of a stress if people drop out/don't contribute.

Appletreehouse · 31/10/2019 11:53

In our friendship circle we pay our share of accommodation, and also split food costs, then people bring whatever they want to drink. My friend and her partner had a similarly large 30th birthday in self catering accommodation and everyone was happy with that.

Raindancer411 · 31/10/2019 11:55

I doubt the place he wants to hire would be happy about it having a party in it. He would end up having to cover any damages

Justapatchofgrass · 31/10/2019 11:56

MY DH had a 50th at home. We have 22 beds and he also hired and paid for 20 odd rooms at the local premier inn (nearest hotel) some for 2 nights and some for just 1. There were 100 of in total.

Asked for no gifts. Got a lot of alcohol given!

No-one paid a penny and I wouldn't expect to contribute but it depends on your social circle?

BarbaraofSeville · 31/10/2019 12:01

Rain Hiring big houses for parties is a thing, eg
www.partyhouses.co.uk/

I don't know what they do about the potential for mess and damage?

Charge a fee to cover cleaning? Furnish the house in a particular way that limits the cost of damage? Easy clean flooring, mattress protectors, fairly cheap furniture and crockery/glassware etc?

Original poster
berringer · 31/10/2019 12:02

sorry! typo! yes 40!!!

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 31/10/2019 12:07

Phew. 400 was a bit terrifying!

I wouldn't ask people to contribute to accommodation costs but I think bringing food and booze is fine.

Original poster
berringer · 31/10/2019 12:11

thanks this is all very helpful to see what the general consensus is , I appreciate all your thoughts

OP posts:
Span1elsRock · 31/10/2019 12:25

It sounds horrendous OP to be honest. You can't rely on people to bring food, drink etc. How on earth are you going to cater for 40 people at breakfast alone?! And is everyone going to take a share of cooking/loading the dishwasher? Who is going to be clearing up at the end, entertaining and organising everyone? Your DH? Or you?

Book a hotel - where people can stay one night or two, and enjoy having everything done for you. It will end up costing far less even if you pay for their food and drink while they are there, and they just pay for their room in lieu of a gift. And you get to enjoy the weekend too!

flobonobo · 31/10/2019 12:26

@Justapatchofgrass sorry I can’t get over that you have 22 beds?! 😱

Glitterfisher · 31/10/2019 12:26

To be honest if you cant afford to pay for it all why dont you just host a meal/drinks in a venue where you pay for it all (meal plus set amount of drinks?)and people can choose to stay over or not at their cost.

If you go ahead with asking for accommodation costs even though people are local you could end up with loads saying they would come for the evening but just go home.

Glitterfisher · 31/10/2019 12:28

If you know everyone would be happy to contribute then there is no reason not to ask though. I have been to loads of big birthday meals where the guests have paid for their own dinner and drinks.

dancingdirty · 31/10/2019 12:28

I did similar for my 40th. We rented a villa abroad. Invited who we wanted they sorted flights
Everyone was happy with that

Atalune · 31/10/2019 12:30

Have done this twice.

We have chipped in for the accommodation. First night party boy and wife made a huge chilli with sides for everyone. People were asked to bring some beers and wine.

Second ever hosts ordered in a nice take away and supplied some fizz till it ran out. Guess were asked to bring some additional beers/booze.

Hosts supplied breakfasts stuffs on bury mornings and we were encouraged to help ourselves. So granola, berries, eggs, bacon, bread, various spreads.

Friends helped in with decorating the house, tidying up suppling DJ stuff and a photo both thing.

We played a funny murder game the first night and had a big party too.

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