AIBU 40th birthday party?

[berringer]

My husband is thinking about throwing a 40th birthday party for himself. He wants to hire a big house for a couple of nights that's close to where most people he's inviting live and have a big meal for everyone (including older family members) on the friday night and then everyone else that wants to to continue on with the party for the rest of the weekend. He's probably going to invite 400 plus people and there'd be beds for that amount.

He's not sure though what to do about it financially. The house he's looking at would cost £1000 a night ish. He's thinking that he could pay for the house (!!!) and then ask people to bring all the food and drink. Or he's thinking he could ask people to pay something for a room (up to £50 for two nights) and he could pay for booze and catering and some entertainment.

His family and friendship group would definitely be up for it, they all love a party. He's a popular guy. and it's over a year away so plenty of time for people to organise themselves.

Just not sure what's the best way to ask people to contribute? or is it not OK at all to ask people to contribute. What do you reckon AIBU?

MY DH had a 50th at home. We have 22 beds

Do you own a hotel or b&b?

Yes, has he thought about cleaning up the house at the end of the weekend?

The people who own/manage the house will sort out the actual cleaning, but you still have to collect up all the rubbish, load the dishwasher (multiple times?), return any furniture that's been moved around, check that nothing's been left behind in all those bedrooms. Plus what if someone damages something. You could have a hefty chunk taken out of your security deposit due to someone else's carelessness.

I do like the idea of an all weekend party, but I suspect that there are downsides that he hasn't thought about. I would want something structured in the Saturday daytime too - go out for a walk or other activity for a couple of hours at least.

We did this on a much smaller scale for our 30th.

I'd say:

• ask people to bring drinks and nibbles rather than food: co-ordinating 'real' foods get complicated: or suggest one meal is a buffet meal: everyone to bring a contribution to the buffet; 2/3 given savoury, 1/3 given sweet.
• One meal is something easy a gang can help cook together (you provide ingredients) - so chilli & jacket potatoes/salad etc. Ask select mates to be in charge of helping pull that together.
• Think breakfast: we did pastries, coffee/tea and toast. Reasonably simple/people can help themselves: people are likely to emerge in dribs and drabs and cooked breakfast is a massive undertaking!
• Think about the washing up/tidying! That's a massive job for 40 ppl. Can you ask say 12 closest friends to look after organising that for one meal each (ie 4 ppl per meal)
• Have at least one meal out of the house and make it clear ppl should pay for themselves. eg Sunday lunch/Saturday brunch?
• Are there any local companies who would do catering and serving?? Although that will massively add to the cost...
• Organise a walk or similar on Saturday: get everyone out of the way! Ideally, 4-5 people may stay back to do some sorting!
• I think with a group that large it's fine to ask for something towards the room hire, but be very clear in your invite e.g. we're covering most of the room hire, meal on Friday night, breakfast on Sat and Sunday. We need you to contribute £x per room/person; bring x/y/z and you'll need to pay for your own lunch at z. Think through the implications if a load of people say no (can you still cover the cost?)

I'll be honest and say it was reasonably easy with the number of people we had (more like 15 iirc) but having catered for larger groups on hostel holidays etc, the level of washing/drying/table laying/putting away for a group that size is horrific! And with a group that size it's easy for everyone to feel it's not their job, or a small group of martyrs end up getting stuck with everything and being resentful. Don't underestimate the grunt work....

We've also done an online shop and had it delivered on more than one occasion when a large group of us has hired a holiday home then split the cost between us.

I think if you are having a party as the hosts you should provide the food and venue. If it is normal in your friendship group you could ask people fo pay towards the accommodation. I certainly wouldn't rely on guests to feed you all. It would be nice if they bought along something but I wouldn't expect it as they will more than likely be bringing a birthday gift. If you can't afford to pay for the food and venue I would scale back the party.

We did similar for DH’s 40th. I asked everyone for a contribution (£100 an adult and £50 a kid) towards accommodation, plus everyone brought a dish and some booze.

Have done this twice for a friend's 40th then his 50th. Large country house, one catered breakfast organised by host, one outside catered evening meal. Brought own food for other meals and plenty of booze to contribute to the bar. All costs were split between guests but worked out very good value for a weekend away in a grand country house. Loved both occasions.

We went away for a 40th like this. We all paid our way for the accommodation and the birthday man paid for all the food. We all took plenty of booze, dessert and snacks to contribute.

Can we have a virtual tour of your -palace- house please Justapatchofgrass?

If people are local I would imagine it would be preferable for them to stay in their own homes and just travel for the party elements of the weekend.

Personally that's what I would do, easier for childcare/more convenient no need to share bathrooms etc/allows for rest in between etc,

I would suggest instead he hires a venue for the party/potentially a catered meal before hand in a restaurant or other venue.

Am now here to find out more about @Justapatchofgrass house!!

I think you guys paying for all the food on the Friday night, plus some bubbly for a toast. You also pay all the accommodation and then ask guest to provide food for the rest of the weekend and alcohol for all the days including the Friday.
Perhaps work out some big meals such as chilli and request different guest to take the ingredients.