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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've made a terrible mistake???

95 replies

stilltiredinthemorning · 30/10/2019 16:31

My daughter is 4 in December. It is the first year she's really got excited/understood about her birthday and asked about a party/cake etc. I find hosting things at home REALLY stressful and horrendous so have booked a hall round the corner and a bouncy castle...

In a period of excitement (I have form for this kind of thing) I have invited not only everyone we know with young kids (about 15 kids) but also a further 10 children from her nursery and new pre-school. I don't know ANY of those children or their parents.

My parents in law are also coming and I find them difficult (they are difficult, but I also need to chill out a bit).

I am now totally panicking that it's going to be at least 25 children and is going to be really hard to manage... My husband and parents actually warned me not to do this as I get incredibly socially anxious and make everyone's life a misery by being stressed out and horrible. I did it anyway (problems with impulsively, whole different thread...)

I have actually cancelled parties in the past because I've been panicking so much, but obviously can't do that this time.

Is this a totally ridiculous number of children to cater for? Can I make it bearable?

OP posts:
Djimino · 30/10/2019 17:42

Lots and lots of balloons are good as long as none of the kids are scared of them.

WindUpBird · 30/10/2019 17:43

I feel your pain! It's a while since I've done a party for this age group as my children are almost teens but this is what I used to do:
Have at least one 'activity' set up, before everyone arrives, that the children can do themselves - a pack of cardboard crowns/paper party bags/cardboard picture frames (you can either make these beforehand or buy from a craft shop) and a pot of stickers/pens to decorate
pictures to colour
maybe a playdough table?
a 'sewing' table - cardboard cutouts of animals/cars/dinosaurs with holes punched and some wool to thread
a table with beads & elastic to make bracelets etc
At least you have a bouncy castle - loads of them will love that!
I found it pretty excruciating having the parents there watching me organising games and loads of the children weren't great at being told what to do - at least a couple of activities kills some time where you're not organising a room full of people!
Hope you find a way to make it less stressful for you. As others have said - have a PLAN if you're going to do some games. Parties get easier when the parents stop coming Smile

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/10/2019 17:44

Perfect setting

Play a few games like musical statues, what’s the time Mr Wolf (had been a real hit especially if the adult wild has claw gloves) pass the parcel

They bounce for a bit and run about (plenty of space)

They eat, give them something to leave with even its its a tube of smarties and off they go and you clean up

babasaclover · 30/10/2019 17:45

Morrisons are really cheap for catering, good quality delicious and you can choose a specific hour slot that you pick it up at

Ariela · 30/10/2019 17:46

Do you know any A level age teenagers ? Very useful at parties.

ZoomZoomBoom · 30/10/2019 17:46

My DC much older now but when we did parties like this when younger, I found it easier to pre-fill made up boxes with food and set out on tables when time for food. Bit like a Happy Meal box. You can get them on Party Pieces, etc. We had pirate themed boats for one party. Fill them all in advance with little sandwiches, sausage roll, few crisps, party rings, etc. Look good and very easy and trans portable.
A bubble machine is a good idea too with music.
I too found things like this very stressful but it is nice and memorable rather than the endless play centre parties they end up attending in first few years of school. Good luck!

GhoulieBat · 30/10/2019 17:47

Ok here are my tips from years of experience! I'm very like you, think it will be a great idea for some reason then shit myself and become a total anxious wreck, but I'm here to tell the tale and I've got through many such parties.

  • you may find at 4 some parents do want to drop and run, but many won't. As long as you have a few around it will be fine. Make sure you have mobile numbers for any who want to leave.
  • If you know a teacher, rope them in if possible. They know how to round up 25 kids and get them where you want them to be / calm them down if it's gone beserk.
  • Have a clear, simple structure - bouncy castle, games, food/cake, more castle, or similar but don't panic if you end up changing it.
  • Definitely have a quiet corner, I used to buy a big colouring poster and put out lots of pens, plus drawing paper.
  • put out jugs/big bottles of water and paper cups as they'll get hot and thirsty.
  • put out snacks and drinks for adults, but I wouldn't try to do tea and coffee unless they can make it themselves, or you'l be running around doing that all the time.
- Temporary tattoos are also great - get a few sets from a toyshop or online, set up grandparent or BF in a corner, they will come and queue to have tattoos done. (You can ask parents when they arrive if anyone objects.)
  • Have a FOOLPROOF music system and someone competent to run it for pass the parcel etc. Have a back-up system as well. There's nothing worse than all the kids standing around and getting antsy while the tech fails.
  • towards the end, chuck out balloons and play cheesy pop hits like Uptown Funk and Gangnam style, and they will just dance around and chase balloons.
  • take big shopping bags and bin bags for everything, so you can take home presents, rubbish etc.
  • take kitchen roll, wipes and first aid.
  • put someone on cake, after lighting it and singing, this person will cut it up and hand round, or alternatively put in napkins and add to party bags.
  • DON'T forget knife, matches/lighter and candles for cake.
  • have large glass of wine ready (and no other plans!) for when you get home.
GhoulieBat · 30/10/2019 17:52

Oh and get a big disposable paper tablecloth (or cloth equivalent) and put it on the floor for the food. Everyone sits round eating and making a mess, afterwards just roll the whole thing up and either bin or take home in a bin bag to sort out.

loulouljh · 30/10/2019 17:56

If you do pass the parcel have two groups (at least) with a parcel for each group, or even two. Get a parent to watch each group and make sure everyone has a turn. Put some sweets in each layer...

Derbee · 30/10/2019 17:57

Another vote for a craft table/long roll of IKEA paper. It helps massively to have some of the children sitting doing crafty things whilst the others are running wild!

You’ll be fine!

Proseccoinamug · 30/10/2019 17:58

Stop panicking. It’s a totally normal number of kids to invite and you’re doing a lovely thing for your dd and not letting your anxiety stop her from having normal experiences.

You do need a relative or friend with enough confidence to run party games. I won’t do it but I always beg someone else to.

If you haven’t got anyone, take along as many things as you can. Have a craft table? Put toys out?

morriseysquif · 30/10/2019 18:00

Food in little paper party bags, kids love opening up a bag of food! Sandwich, crisps, chocolate bar.

Decorate cup cakes as an activity - buy some food flags to nae whose is whose, cardboard cake stands to display them.

Tattoos as they arrive - they love them.

'Thank you for coming to my party' cards in the party bag, saves the worry of thank you cards to kids and parents you don't know.

Lots of balloons and if you can find them the ones that squeal as you let them go.

formerbabe · 30/10/2019 18:00

I went to a kid's party once where there were a lot of kids...they did pass the parcel but had two separate ones going but at the same time...a boys one and a girls one. It worked well

LOALM · 30/10/2019 18:01

I did almost exactly this for DS 5th party a month ago. Had invited about 25 kids then decided to invite his WHOLE class as well! Eep. 36 came in the end, it was total joyful carnage but we were super prepped and delegated jobs to family and friends (and had loads of other volunteers on the day too) so it was fine and the kids loved it. I was conscious of parents opinions of party too (which I know is ridic, but it's just part of my make up!) so we catered for them as well as kids as party was over lunch time and it went down so well. However I would strongly suggest not doing pass the parcel, I did it and wrapped 3 parcels to cater for numbers and it was a total bloody disaster.

Savingforarainyday · 30/10/2019 18:02

Make sure you have something to play music on

I seriously would think about an entertainer

Crafts

Follow the leader

Frozen tag

Keep it short- 2 hours max

Original poster
stilltiredinthemorning · 30/10/2019 18:05

OohEr with respect, if it was, a simple as 'just stop it' I would have done it a loooooong time ago. Much as all the depressed people would have 'just cheered up' and all those with eating disorders would have 'just eaten sensibly'.

OP posts:
Claireshh · 30/10/2019 18:07

It will be fine, just plan ahead.

Food can be prepped in advance. I used to do cardboard picnic boxes for each child - sandwich, carton of juice, crisps/popcorn, some fruit. Plonk food boxes on the party tables when you arrive. Buy a birthday cake. Designate three folk to cut and wrap the cake once the candles have been blown out. Get tubs of biscuits from M&S and put three family members on tea and coffee duty. It’s only two hours, totally doable.

Original poster
stilltiredinthemorning · 30/10/2019 18:09

I really can't afford an entertainer, but I love the giant colouring paper idea and all the other games Smile.

As a PP said, I don't want my children to miss out because of my anxiety, but then I panic. Husband is lovely but pretty much horizontally laid back and definitely not a details person, so it will all fall to me.

OP posts:
GhoulieBat · 30/10/2019 18:09

I don't think you need an entertainer when you have a bouncy castle. Consider it for future parties maybe, but you have enough going on already with this one I think. Plus most of the entertainer parties I've been too have not been the best ones. Some entertainers are amazing, most are not that great.

Skysblue · 30/10/2019 18:10

I think 25 was a good number to invite. They won’t all come. A few children will be ill on the day and a few more will forget / have a tantrum over something and not make it out the front door. I’d guess you’ll get about 17kids.

If super stressed and can afford it I’d suggest you hire a party entertainer to come along and let them run it for you. Around here (South East) they cost about £85 for 1hr / £150 for 2 hrs. But am sure it will be absolutely fine without, that suggestion is just to help with your anxiety.

Other thoughts:

  • no pass the parcel, they’re too young to enjoy it and it’s a rubbish game anyway. ( I don’t do games at all just pile up craft/games and let kids explore.)
  • could have a colouring in table in a quiet corner, can print off colouring in sheets from internet for free. If doing this have a few pens of each colour especially pink.
  • the adults don’t expect food but may expect tea/coffee. Put someone else in charge of that eg grandparents / husband / friend.
  • accept that some kids will cry over something, it isn’t a reflection on your party
  • accept that you cannot control every detail and that is ok. It’s just a party.
  • I choose not to do balloons as they often argue over them. A few beach balls are good instead (amazon can provide) A lucky dip is also good (get from from poundland or similar). I also had lollies in a cool box to bring out / distract then when they needed to ‘cool off’, Calipo are good as no drips
  • mostly they just want to run around and eg trail ribbons. You don’t need to organise a lot for them.
  • It is ok to go hide in kitchen/toilet if you need a break / are fed up of people. I always do. Everyone will just assume you’re off organising something.
  • Tell people in advance that you need parents to stay. Most people don’t start doing ‘drop and go’ until age 5/6 but might as well make sure you’re all on the same page.

It will be fine. When your daughter looks back all she will remember is she had a party and got a load of presents, the details aren’t important at this age. Please don’t let your anxiety stop you giving birthday parties, I know two adults who never had parties as a child and they still hold a slight grudge about it!

WitchDancer · 30/10/2019 18:20

Food - I did a little lunch box with the main part of the food in (crisps, raisins, mini cake, and a drink I think it was). Then I went around with a choice of sandwiches in little bags. I had a few spares to swap if one of them didn't like something in there, which I only had to do 2 swaps. Quick, easy and disposable.

If you do want to do pass the parcel then split them into smaller groups.

Greyhound22 · 30/10/2019 18:21

Nah it will be fine. I always over invite. I did a bouncy castle party last year and I had 20-25 kids there - was chaos - but fine.

If you're panicking and want some help/support PM me. Will be fine.

Just have some party music on and balloons on the floor and the ones not on the bouncy castle will dance and run about (screaming)

leghairdontcare · 30/10/2019 18:30

25 kids and a bouncy castle is fine. Shove some music on and leave them to it. I've been to loads of parties like that. At one I went to they started a game where they had to chase each other with paper plates - never underestimate a pre school child's ability to have a good time.

Organicmamahope · 30/10/2019 18:32

You can do this! Quite likely a few won't be able to come so you will have around 20. A few games and a bit of food and you'll be grand. Buy a cake from a supermarket. Don't aim for perfection, just survival 😀 the kids won't know you're nervous.

HippyChickMama · 30/10/2019 18:39

I've always done separate food and drink for the adults, partly because it horrifies me at other kids parties when I see parents hoovering up the left over food that's been touched by every child at the party (anyone for a dose of norovirus or worms? Envy). I've had several parents thank me for the separate food at every party so it obviously goes down well. Sometimes it's more grown up sandwiches and posh crisps and cake, sometimes just those big boxes of donuts you get in the supermarket for about £2.50 for 12 and I always supply coke, lemonade and orange juice for them too.