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AIBU?

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Original poster

I know I'm not but just want it confirming :) regarding ex and mortgage

82 replies

girlfromthemoon · 30/10/2019 15:04

So me and an ex bought a house about 14 years ago, we broke up after approx a year and he moved out and I took on the mortgage for a few years, then I moved out and he moved in and took over the mortgage (there was negative equity in the house and neither of us could get a new mortgage in our own name)

He has lived there and been paying the mortgage longer than me overall by a few years.

I contacted him recently and said it was about time we sorted it out, he is married now and I am wanting to look at a Morgage alone in the next year or so.

As far as I'm concerned I am more than happy for any equity to be shared fairly ie 70% him 30% me to reflect his longer time there

But he's being a bit of a dick about it, he hasn't said this but I can tell he thinks I'm being cheeky asking for any equity as he has lived there for a while now

He wants to sell it too so it's not like I'm forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do

I'm not bu to feel entitled to some equity am I?! I just want it to be fair for us both

Also, he can't do anything without my agreement can he? And what would the law say regarding this if we've both paid in different amounts?

He's a fairly decent guy but money always did turn him into a bit of a knob so I'm concerned he's going to make it difficult or try and screw me over somehow

OP posts:
ChicCauldron · 30/10/2019 15:10

Does the house have equity now and if so, how much?

Might need to seek legal advice, especially if you have paid different amounts in and there is not a lot of equity in the property. Also take into account who has paid for maintenance of the property as well as the mortgage, or if there has been any significant upgrading (such as an extension) to the property in the time that either of you were living there.

When does he want to sell it, would that be soon?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/10/2019 15:13

How many years have you each paid the sole mortgage for?

Original poster
girlfromthemoon · 30/10/2019 15:16

There is definitely some equity in it, I'm not talking millions but I think it should be about 20/30 grand

There's been no major refurbs but we both decorated it when we were on our own but obvs that means hes paid the recently decorated

I just don't really understand why it needs to be complicated, I'm not asking for 50/50 I think he's maybe been there 8 years and me 4 so am more than happy to take any equity and decide it accordingly

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 30/10/2019 15:19

YANBU

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/10/2019 15:23

After eight years, I’d just let him have it and he can decide if he keeps or sells. Unless I had paid the deposit and it was held in trust.

AnathemaPulsifer · 30/10/2019 15:27

If it was in negative equity when you moved out, YABU

Joe2019 · 30/10/2019 15:27

Yes you are entitled to your share. If you hold it as joint tenants 50/50, if not it depends on what was agreed at the time, in the absence of a deed of trust document.

Whatisthisfuckery · 30/10/2019 15:31

No of course you’re not BU. Your money has been just as important as his over the last 12 years. He doesn’t get to keep it all now just because he’s living there, that makes no sense at all.

I’d be seeing a solicitor if I were you. If he’s a dick about money then you need to know exactly where you stand so he can’t put pressure on you to give up what belongs to you.

GrumpyHoonMain · 30/10/2019 15:33

Get legal advice.

Original poster
girlfromthemoon · 30/10/2019 15:36

We bought it 50/50 and nothing has changed legally since then

I stayed initially as he couldn't pay it on his own so I took it on solely, then he got a partner and it was no longer convenient for me with work etc so we mutually agreed they would move in and take over mortgage payments

I don't see how it's relevant what equity it was in when we did this as we've both contributed and without my contribution at the beginning we would have lost it completely!

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss do you would walk away from any equity you were owed from when you were paying the mortgage? Im not being goady but genuinely curious why you would do that?

The thing is if it were to be in negative equity I am 100% certain he would expect me to be jointly responsible for that

OP posts:
Original poster
girlfromthemoon · 30/10/2019 15:36

I'm not really in a position to be able to afford legal advice at the moment

OP posts:
TwoBlueFish · 30/10/2019 15:40

65/35 seems a fair split, assuming that you both paid equally into the deposit and no major refurbishments.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/10/2019 15:45

Yes I would after just four years I would have had to pay rent elsewhere anyway. I would ask for the deposit back if I had paid that depending on the amount.

loobyloo1234 · 30/10/2019 15:51

YANBU but if he is being a dick you really need to seek legal advice. Can't you borrow the money to do that and then pay it back from the equity?

HeyNotInMyName · 30/10/2019 16:04

Legal advice and then get back t him on that?
Fwiw I think you make sense. Its just that having been there for 8 years and having paid the mortgage it probably feels to him that HE is the one who paid it all and therefore owns the house now.

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 30/10/2019 16:09

Just tell him 70/30 or you'll sort it through the courts where you'll both probably end up with 30%, you lose nothing, he loses 40%. Who gives a shit if you are being reasonable or not really? The law certainly doesn't.
He's not in your life so give him a few days/weeks to come round and if not go see a solicitor.

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 30/10/2019 16:10

Also, ask him to consider a transfer of equity loan. He can borrow to buy you out and then no one needs to sell. If he can get a £10k loan for this to all disappear he'd be well advised to take it imo.

UnfamousPoster · 30/10/2019 16:19

If I were in your position I would work out what you think the profit after repaying the mortgage is likely to be and then split it between the two of you in the proportions of the amount of the mortgage that you've each paid.

For example, there's £40,000 left after the payment of fees, mortgage, etc. You paid £5000 against the mortgage, he paid £15000 against the mortgage, so £20000 had been paid in total. You get £10,000 of the cash and he gets £30,000. The fact that he lives there now doesn't trump the fact that you'd put money in to it in the past also.

If he's made any improvements (not just redecorating - new kitchen/bathroom, etc) then he should get a bit more of the profits.

I'm no property lawyer though so this is just what seems to be common sense to me. What the law would say I'm not sure. When a relative of mine got divorced, one of them got to stay in the family home which was to be sold when the youngest child left full time education. It was in the financial settlement that it was to be split 50:50 but any improvement works on the property after the date of the split were to be factored in to the eventual split. Unfortunately he died before the youngest child turned 18 and the ex-wife somehow managed to convince her children that she was entitled to the whole lot. Evil witch.

I feel for you though. When me and my ex split up he bought me out of my half of the house. I didn't even get back as much as I'd put in as it just wasn't worth the hassle of the argument and I just wanted out. I could have fought it more, but I could afford to buy my next place without the additional money, so I just cut my ties and left. His next gf bought a place with him and then crucified him when they split up and took more than her share, so I felt like karma had got him in the end!

PettyContractor · 30/10/2019 17:05

My first thought is if it was in negative equity when you last moved out, you shouldn't get anything now. If you regard the house as (morally if not legally) belonging to whoever paid the mortgage from time to time, then he effectively did you a favour by "buying" it from you for more than it was worth. So actually you're ahead of where you should be, even if you get none of the equity.

I suppose you could divide it pro-rata, based on how much money each of you have put into it.

You're probably entitled to 50% legally, but morally that feels a bit off.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 30/10/2019 18:15

If your share is 50% then take 50%. Him paying the whole mortgage is in lieu of paying you rent for your half during the time you weren't there.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 30/10/2019 18:19

Yes it’s 50/50. While one of you has been living there paying the mortgage you’ve effectively been paying half mortgage and half rent.

You own equal shares.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 30/10/2019 18:21

I think you are right. If he had wanted to sell while you were living there he would have expected some wouldn't be?

Notthetoothfairy · 30/10/2019 18:23

Do you own the property as joint owners (not owners in common)? If so, i’m pretty sure it’s 50/50.

BlouseAndSkirt · 30/10/2019 18:29

50/50

Because throughout the 12 years you were each paying either rent or mortgage. The fact that he lived in your shared house for 8 years saved him rent.

Imagine neither of you had lived in it, but paid the mortgage between you, rented it out to a tenant and paid the mortgage with the rent, then you would split the equity.

In effect this is what had happened but you have taken it in turns to be the tenant.

purplepalace · 30/10/2019 18:38

By moving in (when there was still negative equity) he saved you from having to sell and pay in.

He has maintained the property and paid the mortgage for 8 years.

How many years did you stay in the property alone?

Also how much deposit did you both put in?

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