To think the hospital just let him die?

[sadaboutlife]

My uncle was 73.
He was taken into hospital last Thursday with severe stomach pains and vomiting.
They gave him a scan and found out he had a perforated stomach ulcer.
Now they said normal treatment would be a operation but they said they didn't think he would survive the operation so refused to do it.
They gave him antibiotics and fluids and 3 days later told us he was dying.
He died yesterday.
I'm angry.
Why wouldn't they just try the Op?
They knew he would die anyway so why not at least give him a chance to live.
I'm so upset.
This time last week he was watching tele happy and now his gone
I just don't understand

I would definitely, in the first instance, fill in the form to obtain a copy of your uncle's notes and then make a complaint, referencing anything in the notes that differs to your family's understanding and recollections.

This absolutely pointless advice. Only the immediate family can do this.

Sittinginthepower

I almost don’t know where to start with the crassness of some of your post given the subject matter of the thread.

She has no rights to her uncle’s notes she is not NOK.

Your broken hip v different surgery scenario. Different operations carry different risks. The risk threshold for vital emergency surgery is going to be different to that for non-emergency surgery.

As for your last sentence, on a bereavement thread, seriously?

sittinginthepower. What a spectacularly ignorant post.

Bloody hell that post was awful. Senior citizens do not need to be frightened of bad treatment. I recently spent 3 nights on the admissions ward in a hospital. People were well treated from what I could see regardless of age.

What an awful post, sitting. Untrue as well. Hip ops are also very different from the one this gentleman was facing. Even replacements can be done under regional anaesthetic as well in patients who might not tolerate GA well - my FIL and aunt had them done this way due to health conditions.

IMO there is much need for Right to Die in this country and for advanced directives and for much more discussion about death and what one's wishes are so it's all clear hopefully before a situation like this occurs.

My FIL was very firm that he did not want to be put on a vent long before his final illness and so when he was not responding to antibiotic treatment of his pneumonia he was allowed to die quietly and peacefully with his family all around in his own room not in an ICU bay. Much better for him and his loved ones all around. He was 72.

Thanks everyone for all your nice words.
I'm feeling a bit better today,well not better but thinking a bit clearer.

sadaboutlife I’m glad you’re feeling a little better today, be gentle to yourself in the coming months, a bereavement is such a horrid thing to face, particularly when it’s so sudden.

I was wondering if your uncle was the final family member of your mums generation living, it’s possible his death will hit you particularly hard if he was, and being up all sorts of feelings around your loss of your mum too. I know in my own family that was the case and it’s maybe one of the things causing you to struggle so much in these difficult initial days.

I’ve no real advice beyond being kind to yourself, but I wish you peace and, in time, enjoyment in the memory of a clearly much loved uncle.

Fwiw I believe that we each have two ordained dates, one being the date of our birth and the other being the date of our death and, with regard to the latter, no matter how/when/where it took place or whether or not there was medical negligence or culpability on the part of others, it was meant to be on that date and in that way.

It may be simplistic, but this philosophy has enabled me to come to terms with the trauma and grief I've witnessed in others and with my personal experience of the death of loved ones.

This doesn't mean we don't love or miss our nearest and dearest any less, but it can go some way to speed the healing process if we accept that there was nothing we could have done to change the outcome.

I believe the same @DonKeyshot - sadly, when it’s time, it’s time, it’s just that it’s so hard to accept that a) it’s going to happen, b) we don’t often know how and c) we don’t often know when