To find it odd that she won’t meet me?

[SatansReject]

I bought a puppy around 4.5 months ago. I asked the breeder to pass my details on to anyone in my area who bought one of her siblings. He did and I managed to get in contact with a woman who lives 20 minutes away who bought my pups brother. We have exchanged tons of messages and photos and have had numerous phone conversations. We appear to get in really well and the woman even sent me a message saying that we have so much in common and she really hopes we can be good friends. Lovely ... except whenever I have tried to arrange a meet she has either made excuses or cancelled on me.

I’m really into the breed so have been attending breed meets with others in the local area. I always invite her but she either doesn’t reply or makes an excuse. Every now and then she’ll send a message saying “we really need to meet up!!” but when I make a suggestion she changes the subject or says she’s busy. I’m pretty flexible and can meet any day of the week ... I can also do the travelling and drive up to where she lives where there is a massive park but still she makes excuses.

I stopped asking her in the end and just carried on attending the breed meets in the area ... she’d send a message asking how pup is getting on and send me a pic of her boy so I’d send one back and she’d say “aww we really need to get them together!” ... I’ll send a message back saying “I’m free anytime ... “ no response. I’ll be specific and say “can you meet on a Friday?” And she’ll say “what time?” I say “10am?” And she says “aww I’m busy then!” ... so I respond ... “I can do any time on Friday! What time is best for you?” And she doesn’t reply! 😂

The pups are nearly 6 months old now. We’ve had them since they were 8 weeks.

Do I just give up or what?
Why wouldn’t she want to meet a pup from the same litter?! I don’t understand it.

She clearly doesn't want to meet up with you! Just give up.

She did give up but then she kept sending messages saying we needed to meet! It’s all so odd.

*i gave up

Just give up. I do this, and it's not that I actively don't want to meet up, but that I'm too nervous/shy to meet strangers. I know it's ridiculous.

It's weird that she keeps bringing it up on her own though, I don't do that!

Id just be straight with her tbh. When she next sends you a message saying that you should really meet up, say something like 'yes, and ive offered loads but you either dont reply or cancel'. See what she says then.

@ GruciusMalfoy that was my thought to be honest. I’m the same - normally I wouldn’t meet anyone if I didn’t have to but I’m the opposite when it comes to dogs. I just think it’s a shame that the dogs can’t meet each other. I won’t ask her again but I know she’ll send a message again saying we need to meet. I’ll just say “let me know when you’re free” and leave it up to her.

I think people say it to make conversation with no intention of following through. I have the same thing with an old work colleague that will text me every couple of months then say we must meet up. We throw around some suggestions and it always comes to nothing. I'm not in the slightest bit bothered as I dont really want to see her but I dont know why she says it or even messages me when there is no intention to see each other

I wouldn’t care at all about meeting pups from my dog’s litter. Maybe she’s just being overly polite.

Maybe she has anxiety and really wants to make the plan, but then can’t follow through.

Next time she brings it up, maybe reply “Meeting up would be lovely, why don’t you message me next time you’re going out for a dog walk in X and if I’m free I can pop along too?”

It leaves it in her court to be as last minute as possible so she can be sure when she asks you she won’t change her mind between asking and you arriving?

I have to admit I'd find this a bit smothering. I would imagine she's trying to be nice but isn't as into the idea as you.

I’m trying not to be over bearing but I’m getting mixed signals. She’s the one that initiated phone calls (I’ve never rang her) and she sends me photos randomly but sometimes photos of her kids etc and nothing to do with the dog.
My only interest was in meeting the dog, she was the one who wanted to take it to a personal “friendship” level (I mean, I’m happy to do that too but I certainly didn’t push for it).

Could it be that it was a puppy farm or unscrupulous breeder, and the contact isn’t genuine? I would stop messaging her. She clearly doesn’t want to actually meet.

Can't bare Billy Bullshit. Either meet up or don't suggest it!! So annoying @SatansReject for you.

I'd not bother contacting her anymore or replying as she obviously isn't bothered either. If she does ask why you're not replying then be truthful.

My only interest was in meeting the dog

Sorry, I find this weird. Maybe she does too, but isn’t sure what to do about it.

Why wouldn’t she want to meet a pup from the same litter? I don’t understand it.

I think it’s more unusual wanting to meet your dog’s litter mates.
I wouldn’t want to because I’m not fussed about anyone else’s dog. It’s not very difficult to understand. You’re an...enthusiast, let’s say. Maybe she’s not as...enthused...as you?

She doesn't want to meet you and she doesn't know how to explain that politely. Just give up. And bear in mind that just because you are massively into talking about your dog's breed and going to breed meetups and things, she might not be that kind of person. I adore dogs but I wouldn't keep tabs on my dog's siblings or go to breed events.

I have quite a few friends online that I chat to on social media and in forums but I wouldn't necessarily want to meet up with them in person. I'm not that sociable and I much prefer communicating in writing online than chatting face to face.

I actually find the fact that you 'managed to get in contact' with her by getting the breeder to pass on details a bit weird to be honest.

Just ask straight out, but be friendly, you don’t want to come across as aggressive.
Be plain and simple “xx is there a specific reason you won’t (won’t is better than can’t) meet with me and my pup? Is everything okay with you, it’s all a bit odd this toing and froing. If you need to chat, I’m here”

I'd stop messaging. When she texts and says we should meet up, etc I would reply I would but you clearly don't want to so don't pretend. You've nothing to lose . There is no real friendship here.

I think you’re coming across as full on, she obviously doesn’t feel comfortable.

Dog litter mates aren’t the same as human siblings sorry. Just let your puppy play with other dogs, there’s no need to fixate on it’s ‘sibling’

See I didn’t stalk the woman into contact, the breeder gave her my details and she contacted me.

I’m on a lot of breed groups on the internet they’re always trying to find their dogs siblings so I don’t think it’s weird at all.

Maybe I’m just more into it than she is which is fair enough, I just wish she’d have been honest about it. And why send me pictures of her kids etc? It’s not me that’s pushed it to that level ... I only wanted a quick meet in the park or wherever

I would assume she is anxious about meeting a stranger if you really want to meet, could you send pics of you with the dog so she can see what you look like. It may less intimidating for her

I don’t think this is weird at all. I loved staying in touch with my dog’s puppy siblings.

I'm in touch with my dogs' siblings and we all have a group chat going with the breeder on Facebook.

But DH thinks it's bloody bizarre and will have no part in it, hah.