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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find it odd that she won’t meet me?

52 replies

SatansReject · 29/10/2019 17:07

I bought a puppy around 4.5 months ago. I asked the breeder to pass my details on to anyone in my area who bought one of her siblings. He did and I managed to get in contact with a woman who lives 20 minutes away who bought my pups brother. We have exchanged tons of messages and photos and have had numerous phone conversations. We appear to get in really well and the woman even sent me a message saying that we have so much in common and she really hopes we can be good friends. Lovely ... except whenever I have tried to arrange a meet she has either made excuses or cancelled on me.

I’m really into the breed so have been attending breed meets with others in the local area. I always invite her but she either doesn’t reply or makes an excuse. Every now and then she’ll send a message saying “we really need to meet up!!” but when I make a suggestion she changes the subject or says she’s busy. I’m pretty flexible and can meet any day of the week ... I can also do the travelling and drive up to where she lives where there is a massive park but still she makes excuses.

I stopped asking her in the end and just carried on attending the breed meets in the area ... she’d send a message asking how pup is getting on and send me a pic of her boy so I’d send one back and she’d say “aww we really need to get them together!” ... I’ll send a message back saying “I’m free anytime ... “ no response. I’ll be specific and say “can you meet on a Friday?” And she’ll say “what time?” I say “10am?” And she says “aww I’m busy then!” ... so I respond ... “I can do any time on Friday! What time is best for you?” And she doesn’t reply! 😂

The pups are nearly 6 months old now. We’ve had them since they were 8 weeks.

Do I just give up or what?
Why wouldn’t she want to meet a pup from the same litter?! I don’t understand it.

OP posts:

mistermagpie · 29/10/2019 20:55

My breeder (cats not dogs) has a Facebook group for 'families'. One of my cats kittens are on there (grown up now), as are the brothers of one of my others. I'm a sad cat lady so do find it interesting/cute to see photos of them etc. but I can't imagine wanting to meet up... I mean, the only thing you have in common is the same breed of dog. I think you are perhaps a bit more into this idea than her and she's trying to politely fob you off.

Putkettleonlove · 29/10/2019 21:10

We have a 'Pupmates' WhatsApp group set up by my dog's breeder. We are all in constant contact and have met up on several occasions at furry family reunions. We have forged great friendships and love hearing about how everyone is doing. I'm a first time dog owner whereas everyone else has had them before so I find it very supportive (like Mumsnet I suppose!)

joyfullittlehippo · 29/10/2019 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crystal87 · 30/10/2019 07:47

It seems an odd basis for a friendship. I agree with a poster upthread who said she wouldn't be bothered about meeting them. She's probably busy or not interested in meeting but doesn't know how to tell you.

EssentialHummus · 30/10/2019 07:51

Something like “Sure, you give me a shout when you feel like meeting” in reply to the next suggestion would do it. I have people like this in my life. I put it down to anxiety.

Moomoo1975 · 30/10/2019 07:55

I think she has socisl anxiety, and while wanting to meet up finds it hard .

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 30/10/2019 08:00

She sounds really annoying and flaky.

Next time she says "we really should meet up" I would reply "yes we really should" and leave it at that.

Stuckinanutshell · 30/10/2019 08:03

It’s possible she’s anxious. All ‘mouth and no trousers’ so to speak - like me. This is why I can’t do dating sites. I LOVE chatting and connecting with people and think it’ll be cool to meet and would like to but the second something is set in stone (Friday 10) I panic.

What if they don’t like me? I don’t look good this week, I have spots. I haven’t had my hair done in ages. I might not know what to say. What if it’s awkward?

So I postpone and postpone.

I’ve got better about this over the years but I do recognise in what you wrote a similar behaviour.

StCharlotte · 30/10/2019 08:06

If dogs are anything like cats they won't have a sibling bond anyway. We had to sibling kittens we got from a colleague who kept another litter-mate. When it came to neutering we got all three done together (as colleague couldn't keep hers in due to other older cats in her house). My two treated their brother like an interloper. Was a bit sad actually.

Butchyrestingface · 30/10/2019 08:11

Why wouldn’t she want to meet a pup from the same litter?!

Why would she? Why would anyone??

I didn’t even know this was a thing until very recently.

She should stop sending you mixed messages but you should stop trying to get her to meet up.

sonjadog · 30/10/2019 08:16

I would just make vague noises next time she suggests meeting up. Let her suggest something if she wants.

Your dog won't care if he sees his sibling or not. They are maybe young enough that they will play together if they meet, but when they are older, they might not get that much joy out of each other's company. My dog is eight and he hates playing and can't really be bothered with other dogs at all. I get asked to bring him to events quite regularly (he has both siblings and offspring), but we never go as he would be miserable. I usually make an excuse because I don't feel I can reply "No, because my dog thinks your dog is a pain in the ass".

Freddiemercuarysmoustache · 30/10/2019 08:22

I have never heard of this getting in contqct with pup sibling owners. No offence but it all seems a bit weird. I would never do this. Why are you so desperate to meet her?

IFlyAStarship · 30/10/2019 08:27

Personally I would actually be really up front. Next time she starts a conversation be direct and say you completely understand if she never wants to meet or is too shy or whatever, but you just want to check that's the case so you dont feel like you're pushing her/hounding (lol) her. See what she says. And update us!

dottiedodah · 30/10/2019 08:27

I think she likes the idea of meeting up ,but maybe feels it might become a "regular thing" and she may not feel ready for that .Its nice if they can meet up with their litter mates ,but sometimes different to what you may be expecting ! My old Dalms DB was living a few streets away ,and we met out walking ,had coffee and walkies but my Dear Boy kept on trying to mount his Bro! (This is a heirachy thing BTW ).He wasnt a sex maniac! After that we met up a few times but it fizzled out in the end .As long as he is socialised then thats all that matters really

ReanimatedSGB · 30/10/2019 08:28

It does all sound a bit odd. I mean, I have a scammy part time job which involves being one of several hundred non-existent people who are all 'keen to meet' but never actually do so, but it's got nothing to do with puppies.
I might have a look and see if there's an actual industry of fake puppy-owning non-friends. Might make a change.

Witchinaditch · 30/10/2019 08:31

It sounds like she enjoys messaging you and that’s enough for her. She may have a busy life and just enjoys texting about the dogs, maybe just accept the friendship for what it is rather than force it into something it’s not

KatyCarrCan · 30/10/2019 08:31

It sounds like she enjoys having a 'friend' to message but doesn't actually want to meet up in RL with a stranger. If you enjoy the messages then keep in contact. If not, then just don't answer. But I think a RL meeting isn't going to happen.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/10/2019 08:39

It may not be her, it may be the dog.

Is it a breed with high anxiety levels or that are difficult to train? Maybe her puppy hasn't socialised well and can be a bit 'hair trigger' with other dogs and she doesn't want to meet and find out that her dog attacks yours on sight.

Or maybe she doesn't drive and can't get to you without assistance from a third party who isn't keen?

Parahebe · 30/10/2019 08:55

I have pedigree cats and in the past I went to cat shows to meet breeders and their cats. However while I would like to see pics of my cats' siblings and chat with the owners via text/email, I would not be remotely interested in meeting them (unless maybe they happened to live in the same road).

So I don't find it at all odd that she doesn't want to meet you, the odd thing is that she keeps suggesting it and then backs out. She obviously doesn't want to and it isn't going to happen, but if you're happy to continue with a phone relationship, next time she says 'we must meet' you could reply 'let me know when you're free' i.e. don't put an energy into a meet up which isn't going to happen.

LucileDuplessis · 30/10/2019 08:57

I think she sounds like someone who suffers from anxiety. She likes the idea of meeting you, but shrinks away when it might become a reality.

Gonetoget · 30/10/2019 08:57

I do wonder if it’s anxiety, if she’s initiating all the contacts. On the off chance maybe let her know of a regular walk you do and ask her if she’d like to join you one day. I’m always in the park at xxx time ? let her know she’s welcome to join. Takes a bit of the pressure off her ?

W0rriedMum · 30/10/2019 08:59

I think @ReanimatedSGB has it here:
I might have a look and see if there's an actual industry of fake puppy-owning non-friends. Might make a change.
Is it possible your breader gave you his friend's details who lives nowhere near you?

That said, I have acquaintances who claim we MUST do coffee/go for dinner/get the families together. There is zero chance that will happen. Now I know the script I know the answer is "yes we MUST!" or "TOTES" (like we're teens ). You can't take it seriously at all.

IceIceCoffee · 30/10/2019 09:03

My favourite part of all of this is the poster that felt they had to assure us their old dog wasn’t a sex maniac 😃

xoxoluna · 30/10/2019 09:29

OP, it seems like she's probably shy/anxious to be meeting someone face to face. Sounds like me tbh but I wouldn't be initiating meet ups, I would be perfectly fine with just plain texting.

I actually would love to meet my dog's siblings and have always imagined how it would be like for them lol.

GenderfreeJoe · 30/10/2019 09:59

Weird. Is this some kind of new thing? I wouldn't be interested in hooking up with puppy sibling owners either. 🙄

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