Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not selfish to have a dog if you work

89 replies

TubbyMcTat77 · 29/10/2019 08:24

Following on from a disagreement with a friend this week, just trying to gauge opinion.

We have two dogs. Both me and dp work. Our hours fluctuate so there are only usually two days out of the week where the dogs are left alone all day 9-5. On those days we have someone come in at lunch to let them out for an hour. Because they are always usually alone in the mornings we get up early to take them on long walks before work which means that they are worn out and sleep during the morning anyway.

My friend says this is selfish. She doesn't work but ironically rarely takes her dog out for a walk. Given the amount of dogs that need homes I think it's unrealistic to say that only those who are retired or not working should have dogs. Surely it can work if you make the right arrangements? I do admit it would be better in some ways for the dog to have someone there all the time but it's not really practical in today's world. Aibu to think I'm not a shit dog owner?

OP posts:
bingoitsadingo · 29/10/2019 10:41

Surely they aren't alone if there's two of them?!

I'm totally on board with not leaving a dog alone at home all day on it's own, but surely leaving a couple of dogs together is fine as long as they get plenty of exercise at other times?

(Disclaimer: have never owned a dog)

NoSauce · 29/10/2019 10:45

Surely they aren't alone if there's two of them?!

Doesn’t make a difference with some dogs in fact in can make things worse as you end up with TWO distressed dogs suffering separation anxiety.

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 29/10/2019 10:46

Unfortunately not everyone is as blessed to have these things arranged or can they afford dog sitters.

So not everybody should have a dog. I wanted one but didn't get to have one for 20 years because I didn't have and couldn't afford proper arrangements. My mum wanted one her whole life but waited until she retired. That's how it goes, because dog ownership is a luxury not a right.

If you are from a culture or religion that doesn't do dogs, have an allergy or phobia, going to work for a dog friendly employer might not be the best move you've ever made Halloween Hmm

Original poster
TubbyMcTat77 · 29/10/2019 10:46

There is no evidence that that are suffering from any sort of anxiety or barking. I have a pet monitor that's how I know they sleep all morning.

OP posts:
adaline · 29/10/2019 10:47

I'm totally on board with not leaving a dog alone at home all day on it's own, but surely leaving a couple of dogs together is fine as long as they get plenty of exercise at other times?

It massively depends on the dogs!

Sometimes it's fine and they both settle, but sometimes you end up with two anxious or destructive dogs - and unfortunately you never know which one your dog will be until it's too late!

EhhWellINever · 29/10/2019 11:13

I will say, every single dog owner should by law, have to monitor their dog(s) while out of the home. My NDN's daughter leaves her dog while she takes her mum out and the dog incessantly and gut-wrenchingly howls it's brains out for the 4/5 hours they are out of the house a day. Every single day. But she's not an approachable type so we've not said anything (and since she doesn't live there, there is little we can do).

It's not about being unemployed, it's about making arrangements. Several people on this thread work and have dogs - including me - and make sure they're not left alone all day, so to say "only unemployed people can have dogs?" is deliberately missing the point.
I think the problem with this is a lot of rescues don't see 'making arrangements' as enough and will not allow you to rescue. So that leaves either 'unemployed' people who, realistically, will not have the savings and provisions to get insurance and pay for expensive vet bills. That then only leaves people who are 'rich' enough not to work. And with the trend for designer, expensive dogs, rescues are often overlooked.

I think the culture in which we look after animals is quite bad, and breeding needs to be massively more regulated than it is. Selling sites like gumtree and pets4homes shouldn't exist to sell backyard breeders pups for £1000 a pop and rescues should look at each situation individually to assess the best thing for the dog being rehomed. Some dogs will cope being left, others wont.

historysock · 29/10/2019 12:03

I have two dogs. I'm out of the house 8-4 (5 some days). They get walked every day by me before work and after and an hour and to an hour and a half with the dog walker mid day.
The rest of the time they are pretty much asleep (we have a camera I can see them on). They are fine and not noticeably disturbed by the arrangement.
On here you will get told off if you don't sit with your dog 24/7 or if you let it out of your sight for more than 5 minutes a day. I don't know anyone in real life that doesn't leave their Dog for at least a morning or an afternoon here and there, and lots that go out to work every day, and none of them seem any the worse for it to me.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 29/10/2019 12:09

When I was working the 9-5 in an office and had a dog (weird, unplanned set of circumstances not of my making) I was always surprised that DDog coped as well as he did. It was definitely the least worst option for him - a friend who worked previously for the RSPCA in kennels later told me that if he'd ended up there he would have been put down for behaviour reasons (they do put a lot of dogs down).

Now I'm self employed and frequently home in the day, I know DDog sleeps all day and doesn't perk up until 4/5pm when he expects his walk. He routinely takes himself to the other end of our home and is happy with solitude for hours on end! Sometimes I think he just likes the peace and quiet - unlike some dogs I know that follow their owner from room to room.

Some dogs cope with being left in the day, and other dogs really don't. It's such an individual thing and one size doesn't fit all.

manicmij · 29/10/2019 12:20

It's not just walks dogs need, they need company unless of course they aren't bothered when you return which would be very strange. All the dogs in rescue centres would be fine if they were happy to just have walks. You have two dogs so they are not isolated and your arrangements seem to be as good as can be with your work commitments. Think you are a responsible dog owner from what you have posted.

Stompythedinosaur · 29/10/2019 12:22

I don't think it is ok to leave a dog alone all day, even twice a week. We didn't get a dog until dp got a job where the dog could go with him.

mencken · 29/10/2019 12:24

It isn't selfish as long as the thing is SILENT when left. I don't care if it destroys your house. but if it barks or howls when alone, the options are daycare, training, rehoming or put to sleep.

a dog is not a right unless it is a disability assistance dog, and those don't get left because (guess what) they are with their owner assisting.

coldwarenigma · 29/10/2019 12:34

I see 'put in doggy daycare' on here a lot....places are like gold dust as are dog walker spaces. I needed a walker for when DH was in hospital. All were booked up until next year! Fortunately someone I know from a dog group who was able to look after Ddog for the day.
As it is I work FT but DH is retired.

Sportinggirl · 29/10/2019 12:46

I used to train greyhounds and springers, yanbu, dogs like people need to learn to be left alone. It sounds like a good set up you have going. Don't listen to the dog owners who think they know everything, more often than not they are the ones with problems. People have to work, it's only two days a week and if the dogs are fine and not stressing then there's no problem. Your friend on the other hand needs to get rid of her dog, or start walking it.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 29/10/2019 12:48

You are not a bad person. You are a typical dog owner. Your dogs are not alone all day -- they have each other. They also have food, water, climate-controlled shelter and regular exercise. Millions of people don't have it as good as your dogs!

CharlottesPleb · 29/10/2019 12:51

This is a way for her to attach some moral superiority to her not working.

I'd just ignore it, it would be easy to fall out over this.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/10/2019 12:52

I used to train greyhounds and springers, yanbu, dogs like people need to learn to be left alone. It sounds like a good set up you have going. Don't listen to the dog owners who think they know everything, more often than not they are the ones with problems. People have to work, it's only two days a week and if the dogs are fine and not stressing then there's no problem. Your friend on the other hand needs to get rid of her dog, or start walking it.

I agree, people these days seem to think of dogs as human children, they're not, they're animals. That's not to say I don't love dogs because I do but they're not people. They don't need to be baby sat 24/7

Original poster
TubbyMcTat77 · 29/10/2019 13:32

Yes I must admit I do see some over the top views here regarding dog ownership. If you leave your dog for a morning you are cruel and irresponsible. A bit like the MN view that if you have the occasional glass of wine you're an alcoholic 🙈
My dogs are happy and healthy. I do wish I could be at home more but I know deep down that they are safe warm fed and loved.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 29/10/2019 14:04

A bit like A bit like the MN view that if you have the occasional glass of wine you're an alcoholic the MN view that if you have the occasional glass of wine you're an alcoholic

Yup. Must be an alcoholic then :p

RatherBeRiding · 29/10/2019 14:09

A lot depends on the dog(s). I work and have 3 dogs. Even when I am home they don't spend a lot of time with me, preferring to sleep in their respective beds and often only coming onto the sofa for cuddles after a lot of persuasion. But I have a greyhound (who seem to be bred to do nothing but lounge around and sleep all day), a very old dog who is happy to sleep all day, and a very, very laid back rescue dog who also wants to do little more than sleep all day!

I wouldn't get a pup or an active younger dog. But there are a lot of senior dogs in rescue centres who are happy to have somewhere to call home but don't want or need constant company or stimulation.

sophiasnail · 29/10/2019 14:11

As some other people have said, it very much depends on the dog. We are also not around 2 days per week and with our old greyhounds found they were absolutely fine to be left alone whereas our toy poodle goes to daycare because he wouldn't be fine.

In South Africa most dogs live outside with very little human contact (but a lot of people have 3/4 dogs). They all seem pretty content - it is just a different lifestyle!

HowlinProwlin · 29/10/2019 14:25

Dog behaviourist hat on..

Dogs are crepuscular, more active at dawn and dusk.

Therefore, if your dogs are secure, confident, happy and their needs are met, then leaving them 9 to 5 a couple of times a week with someone popping in at lunch to amuse/let out for wees/entertain.. should be fine.

This may not suit all dogs, it isn't ok for puppies who need to spend every waking minute learning something useful (because otherwise they will be learning something dreadful). IT also isn't ok to just chuck a dog into such a routine before they are ready, without any preparation...

And it may never suit some dogs.

But for those who are genuinely fine with it, crack on :)

SomewhereInbetween1 · 29/10/2019 15:22

HowlinProwlin as someone who is woken up every day at 6am by being booped on the nose by my youngest, I can confirm the science in your statement! Smile

BossAssBitch · 29/10/2019 15:47

@AnnaFiveTowns
Dogs are pack animals

No, they are not.

PookieDo · 29/10/2019 15:59

My dog doesn’t like mornings or other dogs very much 😂

LolaSmiles · 29/10/2019 16:01

I don't think it's fair on dogs to be left all day other than someone popping in for an hour at lunch.

I see lots of people saying that they can't afford dog daycare / dog-sitters etc and unfortunately my view is then they can't afford to have a dog. Fair enough if emergencies happen, but it shouldn't be the norm.

OP leaving a dog for a morning wouldn't be classed as unfair unless they were very small. General advice is not more than 4 hours and that depends on the breed/age.

All day with only a brief visitor is unfair in my opinion.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread