Is this racist and should I have said something?

[clary]

Colleague who I find rather right wing (I don't mean in a Tory voting way, just more the opposite of my woolly egalitarianism) was saying she needed to find a dentist. I said, mine's great but not near where you live, is there one local to you?

Well there is, she said, "and I don't mean to be racist [never a good sign] but if I go to the dentist, I want to be able to pronounce their name."

Is that racist? or am I just thinking it is because it's tied up in my dislike for her right-wing ignorance (as I see it, eg in regard to Brexit, the Queen, paying tax)? and if it is indeed racist, should I have said something, if so, what? (what I did say was "err, it's great if you can find a good dentist" which was not any kind of answer).

@clary

Yes Shetland and ohtheroses I am indeed the old codger. Actually neverendingsummer I find the 50 somethings I know a lot more open minded, but it still feels surprising that a 30yo should be so narrow minded.

Oh, OK ... Sorry, I thought this was another attempt to point out all over 50s as racist old bigots! Apologies.

She doesn't think the Queen should pay tax btw! She loves the Queen; she thinks she (herself, my colleague) should not pay tax, because "what is it for? What is it even SPENT on?'

Good effort 6 /10.

No worries neverendingsummer 😄

good effort at what?

Well there is, she said, "and I don't mean to be racist [never a good sign] but if I go to the dentist, I want to be able to pronounce their name."

So she wouldn't want anyone with surnames listed in here I guess?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ListoffnamesinnEnglishwithhcounterintuitivepronunciations

Yep absolutely racist but too spineless to own it!

I've lived all over UK and overseas so I've had dentists of loads of different backgrounds.

Long as they do the job well I don't care.

My current dentist funnily enough I suspect she'd have a job pronouncing his BRITISH name - urquhart! think she'd probably struggle with his first name too (it's probably the most Scots name - the forename and surname combined I've EVER come across!)

And I'm pretty certain she'd be one of those, of whom I've encountered many, mainly English and American who try to tell me I'm pronouncing my own name wrong (Scots pronunciation but a spelling that is common in England and France)

And I have to say I agree I'm not in my 50's yet (few more years to go) but I'm shocked at the amount of younger folk who are openly bigoted these days. It's like a weird regression thing, or rebelling against more open minded parents?

I never bought into the "older folk are racist" bollocks, I know and have worked with many older people and they were no more likely to be racist than the rest of the population.

I would assume that unless the dentist is Dr Cholmondley-Menzies-Belvoir then yes, they are being racist

Ask her how she would pronounce these
Grosvenor
Mainwaring
Cholmondoley
Belvoir
St John

Then ask her she still wants to complain about “foreign” names

Yes, its racist and xenophobic. Its not about the pronunciation because she doesn't mean welsh or Gaelic and I'm sure she can bloody say Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninov when she wants to. She means foreign and/or brown, pretending otherwise is disingenuous.

The best response to such comments is a bemused look and asking "what do you mean?", let them continue to dig their racist hole and you continue to feign ignore until its both glaringly obvious and embarrassing for them. Then, look perplexed or mildly disgusted and walk away.

Probably racist. There are potential contexts in which it might not have been, but in the one that actually happened, she prefaced it with "I'm not being racist but". So she was thinking about the dentist's race already, and that suggests to me the dentist's race is the true issue.

Although, tbh, I doubt she has even checked the dentist's name. That sounds like a cheap dismissive crack about the local dentist looking like he or she has a furrin name.

If she had some anxiety about mispronouncing names in general, she wouldn't have expressed her opinion luke that. Ever.

“By the way if I told you one of us is a 30yo millennial and the other is an old codger in her 50s I wonder which way you would all guess?”

Oh you’re the old codger, no doubt about it:

1. Old codgers in their 50s grew up in the time of Rock Against Racism, The Anti Nazi League and Two-Tone
2. Because Irony not Ageism

Yes, she is racist. If the local dentist was called Cholmondeley St John I bet she wouldn't mind.

Old codgers in their 50s grew up in the time of Rock Against Racism, The Anti Nazi League and Two-Tone

Yes! Good times.

She’s racist, OP.

So she can say Tchaikovsky but not Khalid or Samina?

I’m not racist but
I’m not sexist but
I’m not homophobic but
I don’t mean to be horrible but

You just need to remove the not/don’t in 100% of cases!

I used to have a very asian first and surname, a colleague when I was a lot younger used to call me Mike, he refused to use names he considered non-British. Obviously like your colleague OP he was a massive racist.

Well yes, that’s racist

she thinks she (herself, my colleague) should not pay tax, because "what is it for? What is it even SPENT on?

Bloody hell, she's not just racist, she's really fucking thick! How does she think the NHS, armed forces, and all our other public services are funded?

I'm amazed that someone that dim was actually able to get a job.

Well these days it’s quite possible that the ‘furrin’ person was actually born in the UK.

Personally I don’t care what the dentists/doctors/other professionals name is, I only care that they’re good at their chosen career. Besides many people have a different name they use, either an abbreviation or a variation of their name which is easier to pronounce.

Working with Joe Public I just hope that anyone with a tricky name doesn’t mind my fumbling attempts to pronounce it!

I have a severely dyslexic friend. She might say I'm not being funny but I really struggle with how to pronounce it. Privately to me. Then she'd go and learn.

You really just have to man up and ask if you are not sure. I come across people all the time at work whose names are new to me. Its lazy not to find out. That's what I would be challenging her for.

And of course its racist but what human ever suddenly said oh my god what a racist twat I have been!

My dentist is as Welsh as anything and has a very traditional name (think along the lines of Prydderch Ap Llewelyn (as a similar example).

Your colleague at best is being stupidly xenophobic, at most - hinting at racism.

When I think of dentists with unpronounceable names I think of Polish dentists, who are (to the extent that there is any such thing as "race" at all) the same race as the majority of British people. So I think she was being xenophobic (which is also a bad thing IMO and I might have challenged it if I was feeling brave), but not necessarily racist. Sadly I think there are only laws against it if different races are involved.

Maybe she’s afraid if she chooses a foreign dentist he or she studied in another country and is less ‘qualified’ then one who studied in Britain? Makes no sense ofcourse as you will have to meet certain criteria (I assume) to work in the UK as a dentist, but some people with an old fashioned mindset might be afraid of that.

Before I get flamed, my dentist is a lovely Afghani lady.

I like to know my dentist's name & if I can't pronounce it I ask the individual how to say it.

I have a name that sounds foreign & is hard to pronounce. I regularly get asked 'are you English' as if my local accent isn't evidence enough.

OP your colleague is definitely racist.

On the question of age one of my colleagues aged 35 is a Brexiter & also a racist - to my horror she shared a post on Facebook from the afd (Germany's new Nazi party). I told her you do realise they're Nazis & she said she didn't care!!
Shocking.