Is this racist and should I have said something?

[clary]

Colleague who I find rather right wing (I don't mean in a Tory voting way, just more the opposite of my woolly egalitarianism) was saying she needed to find a dentist. I said, mine's great but not near where you live, is there one local to you?

Well there is, she said, "and I don't mean to be racist [never a good sign] but if I go to the dentist, I want to be able to pronounce their name."

Is that racist? or am I just thinking it is because it's tied up in my dislike for her right-wing ignorance (as I see it, eg in regard to Brexit, the Queen, paying tax)? and if it is indeed racist, should I have said something, if so, what? (what I did say was "err, it's great if you can find a good dentist" which was not any kind of answer).

Absolutely hate this!
I work in a dentist. The dentists aren't English.
If people ask how to pronounce their names, well happily tell them, no problem!
But we had one gentleman who said to the dentist I was working with that once brexit comes in she can say goodbye to her job he also said surely her qualifications can't stand for much in this country. I was mortified. She is so so lovely and has many qualifications behind her in different aspects of dentistry. She was really upset by this (obviously) I just couldn't believe what he said.

I also think, when someone is in pain or needs help are they going to refuse treatment because 'they'd prefer to be able to pronounce their name' urgh

Of course it’s racist. But as usual there are posters bending themselves into complex shapes to say it isn’t.

One of the doctors at my surgery has got a totally unpronounceable name. He's not English. And he's very popular. Everybody loves him and his happy disposition. And he's a good doctor.

The biggest sign that she meant "I want an English dentist" (English= white) is the "I'm not a racist but-" which I have never heard anyone use without saying something at the very least slightly xenophobic afterwards.

She means Good White British names like Smith or Jones, even if Singh and Patel are just as easy to say....

Not worth an argument though because she will swear up and down she's not racist.

I had a British Asian dentist for years. As a dentist he was fine, always remembered me and DS etc. I have no idea what his name was, it just never came up.

Now I have a new very young white British woman dentist. She seems fine. She told me her name but I’ve forgotten it.

My dad is racist. He thinks all "foreign" people should go back to where they came from and no amount of reminding him he's half Canadian will persuade him otherwise. But he was delighted with his NHS replacement knee operation and thought his Hungarian surgeon was the best man ever. He thinks it's a crying shame that his surgeon went back to Hungary shortly after my dad voted to Leave the EU on the grounds that "I didn't mean people like him should go back".

Just wait till your twat of a colleague has toothache; she'll be grateful of any dentist that will take her.

That b*tch better learn to pronounce then !

God, what a prat your colleague is.
A dentist is a dentist.

Especially if all the others have gone back to Hungary.

Why would she even need to know the dentists name anyway? I don't know my dentists name. A receptionist or dentist assistant either gives me the room number or comes to collect me and lead me into the room. He pokes around my mouth - I can't exactly have a conversation with him while he's doing that.

Of course it’s bloody racist.

how is this racist? i need to be enlightened if it is, tons of difficult to pronounce and spell surnames and first names

Ah, there’s always one being wilfully obtuse on a thread like this

how is this racist? i need to be enlightened if it is, tons of difficult to pronounce and spell surnames and first names

I will try to spell it out simply- if you don't want people with foreign names (that you don't need to say anyway) treating you then you are racist.

Hope she signs up for treatment with Dr. Henry Jones and he's of African origin like my GP with a "White British" sounding name.

I wonder what she'd do if her dentist was named Cholmondeley-Featherstonehaugh.

I only knew my dentists first name for years. His surname is 'forrin' and potentially difficult to pronounce but funnily enough I find his name and nationality have no bearing on his ability to be a highly competent individual.
Your colleague sounds like a complete arse.
As others have said, you can guarantee that anything prefaced with, "I'm not being racist..." is absolutely going to be racist.

@clary

By the way if I told you one of us is a 30yo millennial and the other is an old codger in her 50s I wonder which way you would all guess?

I hope this isn't some sneaky underhand way of suggesting that all millennials are cool and tolerant, and support diversity, and all 'old codgers' (over 50) are racist and bigoted. because I am fucked off with hearing this.

I know many YOUNG bigots (under 30,) and many lovely, tolerant 'over 50's' who don't have a racist bone in their body!

BTW, if what you are claiming IS true, then of course it's racist. Did you expect anyone to say it isn't?

Could it be that she genuinely worries about mispronouncing names? I'm the same, whatever race someone might be, number one I hate the idea of offending someone if I make a cock up of it, and number two, I feel dim and embarrassed if I'm wrong! having said that, I wouldn't avoid situations because of it, I just try and get by with good manners to keep me afloat!

Of course it was racist and twattish too.

Any difficult to pronounce names are easier if you break them down and just try a bit harder.

I find I struggle with a few African surnames at work, so I write them down as they are pronounced and learn them like I'd learn anything else really.

Obviously racist, she’s not talking about Irish names clearly. She doesn’t want an Asian/African dentist which is what the “I’m not racist but...” is meant to convey. If she didn’t have other races in mind then she wouldn’t have said that bit.

No, she's clearly saying she's too thick to pronounce names. You should refer to her as thicko hence forth

I must add I'm in no way saying that your friend is or isn't racist, because whilst a name might be difficult to pronounce when read, a quick handshake and a 'sorry I didn't catch your name' should usually suffice, if she can't pronounce it after hearing it, it's most likely unwillingness to try and if that's the case, wouldn't it be a shame if she wound up with a tooth ache!!

Yep it is racist- someone's name doesn't matter at all, especially to how they do your teeth. So what's she's saying is she doesn't want someone 'foreign' or from a different ethnic group, for no other reason than that she doesn't like them.

It's good that you didn't say anything though- you have to work with her. If her racism/right wing-ism gets too much you could speak to HR or managment or something- but I personally wouldn't risk disrupting your life by doing so- what are your own personal life goals, career, home, friends etc and does saying anything help you achieve anything tangible you want in your own everyday real life?

I recently lost a friend because she said something really racist and I teasingly pointed it out. She totally lost it, and I've probably lost a friend. I wasn't even that bothered about the issue. It wasn't worth it. You mightn't risk losing a friend, but you risk spending your working hours in an atmosphere.

I can’t remember a single time I had to know my dentist’s name. I do know it and can pronounce it, most names in most languages can be pronounced if one gets their head out of their own arse and rubs the two remaining brain cells together. I admit I struggle with Thai names in the sense I Think I can read them but can’t recall them without the visual prompt so it’s quite helpful they tend to use shorter aliases for idiots like me.
PixieDustt that is shocking. Did he have 5 PHDs in quantum physics himself whilst being a brain surgeon called John Smith?!

Well done op, you managed to get Brexit, the Queen paying tax and racist all in one post. Well done, round of applause for you 👏👏
Anyone that starts a sentence by saying I don't mean to be racist, is definitely racist.
I would have asked if she was having problems with her reading skills, or her comprehension abilities. I may have pointed out that it's common courtesy, if you're unsure about the pronunciation of someone's name is to ask that person. I may have also told her that she was being racist.

Interested woman thanks, you're right of course. Not worth making my life difficult for - arguing with her won't achieve anything.

Yes Shetland and ohtheroses I am indeed the old codger. Actually neverendingsummer I find the 50 somethings I know a lot more open minded, but it still feels surprising that a 30yo should be so narrow minded. I would have thought the enlightened millennials would be more woke. Some are I'm sure but plenty I have met sadly are not.

She did say that by the way. I guess I was hoping I was being super sensitive.

What's wrong with the refs to the Queen and tax btw? I was trying to paint a bit of a picture of my colleague is all.