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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious at the state of the place?

29 replies

Organicmamahope · 28/10/2019 17:26

I left xp 2 years ago and while I've been renting elsewhere he has stayed living in the joint house we own. I have been continuing to pay half the mortgage plus rent in my new place. However I've come back to the joint house for a few days and am appalled by the state of the place. Boxes of rusty tools everywhere. Two old leather sofas which have gone mouldy which he refuses to get rid of. I'm totally discussed and sad it has got to this. He won't roll his sleeves us to help, and I've only made a tiny dent working on it all day. He's now gone to the pub. I've offered to remove the sofas and decorate the room their in but he can't help me lift them as he has a 'bad back'. There is excuse after excuse. This is my house too, but he's driven me out with his mental and financial abuse as well as the junk he's living in. He's quite smug about it all and is telling me to 'stop nagging'. When we moved I had to change the kids schools and I lost loads of friends who don't bother to contact me anymore. I've just had enough.

OP posts:
Transpeaked · 28/10/2019 17:30

How quickly can you cut and run? You need to have this house gotten rid of. He won’t change, he will enjoy forever more being a smug bastard over anything he can so the least things you have tied to him the better.

Organicmamahope · 28/10/2019 17:32

Yes good point. I feel some attachment the house and place still. Though even if we rented it out or put it on the market we couldn't in this state. It would loose money Angry

OP posts:
Geschwister4 · 28/10/2019 17:34

Can he afford to buy you out? Then you will be free of him and he can do what he likes with the house.

SueDoeName · 28/10/2019 17:34

Is selling it an option and splitting the equity?

Milanimilani · 28/10/2019 17:34

Isn’t he keeping it in that state so you can’t sell it? He wouldn’t be the first man to do this.

PanamaPattie · 28/10/2019 17:36

Stop paying the mortgage.

Organicmamahope · 28/10/2019 17:37

Wouldn't there be repercussions if I stopped the mortgage for my credit rating etc.?

OP posts:
Organicmamahope · 28/10/2019 17:38

He only has a fixed term job for a year so I don't think he would buy me out.

OP posts:
Muddledfeelings · 28/10/2019 17:39

Stop paying the mortgage (put the money to one side for now) and tell him you're not contributing your half until he steps up. Take pictures of the home as well.

Organicmamahope · 28/10/2019 17:41

I think he is a hoarder or has some tendancies. But not a nice hoarder. A mean one!

OP posts:
Unwrittenrule · 28/10/2019 17:47

we couldn't in this state. It would loose money

Sounds like it's only going to get worse though OP, what you'll get for it now might be the best you can do unfortunately Sad He isn't going to have some kind of epiphany and change his ways to cooperate with you is he? So your best bet is to do whatever cuts your ties with him the fastest tbh Flowers

Organicmamahope · 28/10/2019 17:52

Perhaps I keep hoping he will have a light bulb moment and sort the place out. I think he knows I love the house to bits and this is yet another way he is punishing me. I wish I could live here and kick him out. But I had to take a job in another place to get rid of him. There are jobs here but I would have to take a big pay cut.

OP posts:
PanamaPattie · 28/10/2019 18:04

Contact your mortgage provider and tell them that you no longer want to pay a mortgage on a house you no longer live in. Ask their advice to remove yourself from the situation.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 28/10/2019 18:15

Ask their advice to remove yourself from the situation.

If the ex doesn't have the means to take over the mortgage, then the property needs to be sold. That's the only way the OP be removed. Until then, failure to pay will ruin their credit record.

Unwrittenrule · 28/10/2019 18:35

He won't have a light bulb moment though, you know that. See a solicitor and get rid any way you can, that house is nothing more than a stick for him to beat you with now Flowers

Organicmamahope · 28/10/2019 18:38

Hmm, I know. But I like the house more than him Sad

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 28/10/2019 18:44

Look. You own a house jointly but you aren’t a couple.

One of you buys the other out or you sell.

That’s it. Those are your options.

You may well like the house more than him. Do you like it more than your sanity and freedom?

Unwrittenrule · 28/10/2019 18:55

Do you like it more than your sanity and freedom?

Exactly this. You've said yourself that he won't change, has hoarding tendencies so the property will only get worse and he takes pleasure in knowing you love the house and uses it to control you and hurt you. Can you really not see that you need to cut your losses? There's literally no benefit to you hanging on for grim death, it's just giving him more power to hurt you Sad

Transpeaked · 28/10/2019 19:04

This is not worth your sanity, OP.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/10/2019 19:09

Well He's doing alright isn't He ?

Paying half a mortgage with free run of the entire house... lucky Him. Hmm

RandomMess · 28/10/2019 19:27

If there is no equity in the house why keep it???

That money could be in an ISA to help you buy again in the future!

Organicmamahope · 28/10/2019 20:25

There is a bit of equity in there. About 20k is mine, the rest his.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/10/2019 20:29

This is not fair OP. Fine for a short term arrangement while you sell it, but not a medium-long term strategy. I really would take legal advice.

CanISpeakToYourManager · 28/10/2019 20:33

I would definitely get some legal advice. You are stuck at the moment and you need to move on.

RandomMess · 28/10/2019 20:37

He is playing you for a fool. You may have to take it through the courts to force sale but if he isn't looking after it soon that £20k could be as little as £5k