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AIBU?

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Original poster

Where do you stand on tablets/phones at dinner table?

46 replies

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 28/10/2019 12:15

What's prompted this is that we went out for a special dinner on Friday night. Gastro type pub, a little posher than your standard pub grub. Place was fairly busy, and it's the first time we had visited. Our evening was very nearly ruined by the family at the next table - child of around 6 or 7 playing on his tablet with the volume on very loud. Parents ignoring him and clearly not giving a shit that everyone else could hear the annoying twiddly music. When I felt like my head was about to explode with the noise I asked the waitress if we could move to a quieter table - she moved us to the other side of the pub which was blissfully quiet.

I totally get that kids can get bored in a pub/restaurant if they're hanging around for too long after they've eaten, but AIBU to expect that the parents should care about whether their child is ruining a meal out for others around them? Buy the kid some earphones FFS.

OP posts:
areyouafraidofthedark · 28/10/2019 12:16

It depends. I sometimes give my kids my phone but never with volume on to play a game if after a while they are getting restless.

Majorcollywobble · 28/10/2019 12:18

YANBU
If there hadn’t been a spare table to move to I’d have expected pub staff to get the tablet put away if the child had no earphones . What an example to set to a child of 6-7.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 28/10/2019 12:20

Earphones or on very quietly, and certainly not past the age of six or seven. They can sit through a meal by then without needing entertainment, or should be able to.

Eemamc · 28/10/2019 12:21

I think they should be used minimally. It’s a really good opportunity for children to sit and join in the conversation, and things like colouring books are great options. It is sometimes very helpful to have a tablet or phone on standby, but absolutely on mute, or with headphones.

HolyheadBound · 28/10/2019 12:22

Absolutely not if it's just the four of us, but occasionally, at the end of a family meal, DH has handed over his phone so that they can look at pictures/play a game with no volume. I wouldn't, but he's a) a softer touch and b) doesn't have the same resilience to keep them entertained.

Why bother going out to dinner and then not talk to them!

LoonyLunaLoo · 28/10/2019 12:25

Phones/ tablets at the dinner table are a “no” from me. People have survived long enough without needing screens at the table. Someone posted a pic on FB the other day with all 3 of her children attached to different screens with headphones on whilst eating their dinner.

Phones/ tablets on loud in public places are also a “no” from me. We flew back from Italy on Saturday and there were 2 children sitting in front of us with their tablets showing a loud High School Musical style film all the way there and all the way back. People don’t have any consideration anymore!

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 28/10/2019 12:25

I thought this was going to be about teenagers at home. Although the answer is still “hell, no”. No gadgets at the table.

confusedofengland · 28/10/2019 12:25

Mine have never had screens at the dinner table & I do not intend to allow it, at home or out. They are 10, 8 & 5, 8 year old has autism.

They sit & talk about food with us or do some colouring if the restaurant offers it. When they were smaller, if they got whingey we took it in turns to take them out.

We eat out fairly regularly - pubs, cafes & restaurants- so they are used to it & see it as a treat.

We only use phones to take a quick photo then put them away for the meal, so set an example to them.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 28/10/2019 12:26

Why bother going out to dinner and then not talk to them!

Completely agree with this - the other weekend in our local there was a mum on her own with two young kids, they'd clearly finished eating ages ago and the kids were bored stiff and climbing all over the seats/under the tables etc. She was working her way through a pint and staring at her phone, completely ignoring them.

I'm very happy that our kids are teens now however I do remember being out for dinner with small kids and I don't get some of the parenting styles these days, completely baffles me.

OP posts:
Drabarni · 28/10/2019 12:30

Thank God they invented tablets to parent our children.
Unfortunately they came to late for my older dc, we just had to let them grow up feral without screens to parent them.
Wtf, parent your children and socialise them to be functioning members of society, able to lift their heads from screens.

steppemum · 28/10/2019 12:38

at home, we have a no phones at the table rule.
When out, just our family, no phones, but if it is a bigger social event with cousins and relatives and we will all be sitting round talking for ages, then they get thewir phones out once we have eaten. Usually to do something together, and always volume off.

But for us melas out are a rare treat. If we did pub lunch every sunday, I woudl be much more relaxed about them getting phones out during it.

BrieAndChilli · 28/10/2019 12:39

at home there is no phones etc at the meal table and everyone waits for everyone to finish before clearing the table
on the rare occasion we eat out i would probably let children play on a device (with sound off) while waiting for food to appear and after if we were having a coffee etc afterwards and chatting.

Arnoldthecat · 28/10/2019 12:42

Screens are bad for the eyes of youngsters from baby to maybe 10. The eyes are still developing and children should be outside as much as possible exposed to natural light come rain or shine. There is a huge body of research that suggests lack of daylight in youngsters is a major contributing factor to development of myopia. Exposure to screens is likely to make this even worse.

adaline · 28/10/2019 12:45

What happened to colouring or puzzle or sticker books at the table?

I can see that small children need a bit of entertaining while waiting for their food to come, but that doesn't have to be in the form of screens.

BeyondMyWits · 28/10/2019 12:47

Meals out are a treat for us as a family, so no, no phones as entertainment for any of us.

Though DD does use hers sometimes when DH is doing the "What is this song?" thing... (usually at TGIs)

Venger · 28/10/2019 12:48

At home it's a no, sitting at the dinner table is where we catch up with one another about how our day has been.

On holiday, yes. We spend all day together on holiday so no need for catching up and when we sit down to eat it's a chance for the DC to have some down time so if they want to watch a video or play a game I don't mind so much. They wear headphones though and we have a rule that if I can hear their tablet, I will take away their tablet.

Going out to eat when not on holiday, it depends on the situation and circumstances. I have two DC with ASD and if they're feeling a bit on edge one of the ways they cope is to shut down as much sensory input as possible. This usually involves tablet out, headphones on, head down and ignore everyone for a bit while they watch a video so we tend to go with the flow when eating out and don't take a hardline approach about tech at the table as they may need it at some point.

I couldn't care less what other people let their DC watch at the table or in public provided they're wearing headphones.

user1573334 · 28/10/2019 12:49

I don't allow tablets/phones at the table at home. I don't judge people using them when out, because they are a good tool to stop kids from annoying other customers. If I didn't have headphones with me I wouldn't allow my kids to have the volume on, or possibly allow it on very low volume depending on the environment. I have been really annoyed by this too. I think restaurants should do more to step in and ask customers to turn down/off volume.

FriedasCarLoad · 28/10/2019 12:50

I don’t think phones or tablets belong at the table.

If other parents want to allow them, fair enough - but only on mute or with headphones.

purplemunkey · 28/10/2019 12:51

I don’t like it. We bring colouring/drawing things or a sticker book if need be. Or you know... talk to my kid and involve her in the table conversation.

I’ve had the same as you and it annoys me too. It’s the noise really, I can’t get too worked up about kids having tablets or phones but having the volume up high is so rude and anti social. It’s that that annoys me most. At least give them some bloody headphones.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 28/10/2019 12:52

If it’s on silent and not affecting anyone else, then that’s a judgment call down to the parents. (I would normally be not while we’re actually eating, but not bothered while waiting for the meal or after while drinking coffee.)
However it’s rude to have sound on a device anywhere in public that it’s noticeable by other people.

Original poster
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 28/10/2019 12:53

How many of you would say something to the parents though? I was so close to saying something when we were out but I just thought sod it, I don't want a scene, so I asked to be moved instead.

OP posts:
P1nkHeartLovesCake · 28/10/2019 12:56

Not allowed at all, it’s rude. Me and dh do not use phones, or tablet devices at tables why would we allow are dc?

The worst parents are the ones that give the child an iPad in a restaurant and all you can hear is Peppa sodding pig full blast. If you must give a child an iPad as they can’t sit nicely at a table then at least make them use earphones

LolaSmiles · 28/10/2019 13:00

Personally I'm not a fan of devices at the table, but understand they have a time and a place. Only an arse would be looking down on someone for using one appropriately.

However, it should be on silent or on low with headphones and nobody else should be subjected to noise because of it. I can't stand tablets on loud. It's rude and inconsiderate.

What annoys me even more is when anyone points out that tablets on loud is rude, there's always some on MN who turn up acting like everyone is so snobby about tablets and maybe it just helps the child, maybe the parents deserve a break, anything they can do to be outraged and avoid the fact that the issue is subjecting the whole room to your child's tablet noise.

footchewer · 28/10/2019 13:02

"Why bother going out to dinner and then not talk to them!"

Oh don't start me! We were out for dinner yesterday (Pizza Express so not posh but still, Sunday main family meal after theatre trip), and the father (nb not just the kids!!!) at the next table had his phone propped up watching some sporting match or other with the volume on full. What a man-child*. He might as well have gone to the pub with his mates, where he'd made it very clear he'd have preferred to be.

I think it's fine to get your phone out to check something practical quickly or show someone a photo etc, but they shouldn't be sitting out on the table and definitely not playing sound. At a family meail, you're being rude unless your primary attention is being paid to the people around you. That applies equally to children and to adults.

  • btw it was really good, I do hope they don't go the same way as Jamie's Italian.

** down-graded from previous punchier vocabulary.

Sleepyblueocean · 28/10/2019 13:02

As long as they are on mute or with headphones they are no one else's business. They are a useful tool for some people with sensory difficulties. I wish my son could cope with headphones instead of getting upset about other people's talking and general noise.

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