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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Where do you stand on tablets/phones at dinner table?

46 replies

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 28/10/2019 12:15

What's prompted this is that we went out for a special dinner on Friday night. Gastro type pub, a little posher than your standard pub grub. Place was fairly busy, and it's the first time we had visited. Our evening was very nearly ruined by the family at the next table - child of around 6 or 7 playing on his tablet with the volume on very loud. Parents ignoring him and clearly not giving a shit that everyone else could hear the annoying twiddly music. When I felt like my head was about to explode with the noise I asked the waitress if we could move to a quieter table - she moved us to the other side of the pub which was blissfully quiet.

I totally get that kids can get bored in a pub/restaurant if they're hanging around for too long after they've eaten, but AIBU to expect that the parents should care about whether their child is ruining a meal out for others around them? Buy the kid some earphones FFS.

OP posts:

ThatMuppetShow · 28/10/2019 13:12

How many of you would say something to the parents though?

I wouldn't but I wouldn't stop my kids to loudly complain about the noise or loudly saying "it's very rude to listen to a phone in a restaurant isn't it mummy".... I am not even embarrassed

I only judge the noise, not the fact there's a tablet or a phone though. You don't know the story.
When we go out around home, I take books and magazine and things like that to occupy the kids after a while. We can still talk.

If we are on holiday, and are spending the entire time together, meals are usually the time we check our work emails and the kids can play on a tablet QUIETLY. It's the only times we really sit down, so works for us.

inwood · 28/10/2019 13:13

I don't allow but my kids are NT. DN is not and the only way he can cope is with football game and headphones. I wouldn't judge, as long as headphones are used.

Original poster

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 28/10/2019 13:14

I'm not judging the use of tablets at the table as long as it doesn't impact on me. I don't give a shit how people parent their kids - again - as long as it doesn't impact on me.

I have the same issue with people playing their own music on shitty speakers by the pool or on the beach when you're on holiday. It's rude and inconsiderate. (I think I have that noise issue thingy...)

OP posts:

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/10/2019 13:35

I don't give a shit how people parent their kids - again - as long as it doesn't impact on me

You're NBU at all, OP, but prepare yourself to be told that mealtime phones are preferable because they're the only way to prevent kids from screaming the place down ... oh, and that they can't tolerate headphones

It's not even just children; I once hosted a very large and formal meal and had to ask an adult to leave for exactly this reason. Knowing their dislike of putting the thing away for mere seconds I'd politely mentioned what the expectations would be beforehand and it still didn't make any difference ...

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 28/10/2019 13:57

It's a flat no from me. I take colouring books or small cars or something.

We do tend to eat at family friendly places and we aren't sitting for 3 courses.

Whatever they are doing though I absolutely will not let them repeatedly disturb other people.

zingally · 28/10/2019 14:59

It's an absolute no-no in our family. It's one of my pet peeves when you see whole families buried in their phones/tablets.

Only recently I was in a restaurant, sat near a family of 4. Mum, dad, and 2 kids, aged about 9 and 12. ALL of them were on their phones and didn't appear to speak to each other from the moment they sat down, to the moment the food appeared.

And the other week I went out with 2 ex-work colleagues/friends. One of my friends kept her phone out for the entire time, and spent extended periods staring at it and texting, while me and my other friend chatted. I found it pretty annoying. Like, why did you bother coming?

Vulpine · 28/10/2019 15:04

I always say something. Screens without headphones drives me potty

TricklBOO · 28/10/2019 15:08

It's a no with us too. We went out for dinner with family a couple of weeks ago and my cousin commented on how nice it was to see a teen at the table not scrolling through a phone or on a tablet.

Charm23 · 28/10/2019 15:15

Hate seeing kids out for a family meal with their noses stuck to a tablet/phone with the volume up high! Currently pregnant with our first and determined she will communicate with the family or at least learn to amuse herself or do some colouring/activity book rather than stare at a screen.

QueenEnid · 28/10/2019 15:16

I would've said something definitely. I can't abide listening to other people's noise from their phones/tablets etc. I tend to find that people are always considerate and apologetic as long as you're polite.

Re the phones- we have a 3 and an almost 2 yr old. We operate a minimal usage of phones. They come out only when they're starting to get really restless and definitely not whilst we/they are eating. And always with no sound.

bloodywhitecat · 28/10/2019 15:21

It's not something I would encourage, we take our almost 3 year old out to eat sometimes but would never allow a tablet/phone at the table that was disturbing other diners.

KanelbulleKing · 28/10/2019 15:25

DS (6) is permanently attached to his tablet. He always has it at the table. He's autistic and the battle to remove it from him just isn't worth it. The compromise though is that the sound is off completely whenever he's in public with it.

ThatMuppetShow · 28/10/2019 15:44

It's an absolute no-no in our family. It's one of my pet peeves when you see whole families buried in their phones/tablets.

as long as you can't hear them, why would you care?

Time40 · 28/10/2019 15:46

How many of you would say something to the parents though?

I would have said something straight away. I couldn't have stood it. And if the parents hadn't switched if off, I would have either moved, as you did, or walked out if there was nowhere to move to.

I can't bear this. I really can't bear it. It fills me with absolute rage.

BeatriceTheBeast · 28/10/2019 15:52

There was one time, recently, when I had to give my DS (dc2) a movie to watch when we were out. We'd had a series of disasters and he was super grumpy. Dc1 (4yo) was painting pottery in one of those paint your own places. We were totally on our own and dc2 was 'helping' by splattering paint all over the bit of paper, screaming when I took the paintbrush off him and somehow wriggling out of the straps and standing up in his high chair. We were sitting directly in front of all of the pottery items, so he was very close to smashing them to pieces. There was nobody else in the shop, so I put on a video on really quiet. This is the only time I've had to do this with him ever. He is almost 2yo.

I think this^ is normal, if you have a fairly standard toddler. It's a one off and only in dire circumstances. Not something to be done regularly.

Dc1 though, I absolutely relied on videos to keep her sitting still. She was absolutely wild as a toddler, a bolter and scared the life out of me when she bolted. I didn't have a car, so we had to walk everywhere and she could escape from her pushchair. She was like a baby Houdini. A Peppa Pig or two calmed her down, just long enough for us to make our escape from whatever public space in which she was making a total scene or kept her safely in her pushchair long enough for me to take her away from the dangerous road or whatever. I had a snarky comment or two, but those people would have been quick to look aghast at her if she'd escaped from her pushchair, as she frequently did, ran off towards a busy road, as she did, helped herself to various items from supermarket shelves, or my personal favourite when she RAN INTO THE SEA AND FACEPLANTED,
then screamed the whole way home because she wanted to go back in the sea. This was in the autumn in a very northern part of the UK. Fucking freezing. Second favourite was when I was at a mums group at church with her, I went to tidy up some toys and next thing I heard the priest chasing her out of the vestry . Seriously, she was a total live wire and still is, in the best possible way.

I hasten to add that we did get her head phones, or made her watch things on silent, so it didn't disturb others.

But my point is, that I would never now be quick to judge another parent for giving their dcs a screen to look at when they're out, as long as they aren't disturbing other people and within reason, not all the time.

If I'd only had DS and never had a child like DD, I may have been all "omg talk to your children! Don't just give them a screen to watch. Poor kids ". But no way would I ever make that sort of judgement now.

Now I've had a baby and toddler who is a bit calmer and doesn't bolt into danger every time we go out it's like "oooooh, THIS is why people get snarky"! Because giving my DS a screen to watch all the time instead of parenting him WOULD be lazy. With DD it was not and I'll defend that till I die. And if she was born a decade earlier when we didn't have portable screens, I imagine we simply wouldn't have left the house. That is no exaggeration. Friends used to imply I was being OTT when I planned train journeys etc with DD to death... then they saw her in action and were like "oh. We see".

She is an amazing child, extremely bright and did calm down when she was about 3 and a half. I have no concerns about her at all now, but she was a tour de force when she was a toddler.

SpaghettiSharon · 28/10/2019 15:55

No screens ever.

Would I have said anything? Probably not because I expect you’d have got a mouthful of abuse in return - adults who are that self absorbed that they can’t see they’re being selfish twats are unlikely to respond well to having it pointed out to them unfortunately .

havingtochangeusernameagain · 28/10/2019 15:57

No phones or tablets at the dinner table. Books and newspapers are ok though (not for dinner, when I prefer if we actually speak to each other) but ok while eating breakfast or lunch.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 28/10/2019 15:58

Sorry I was talking about at home. If you are out with small children, it's fine as long as they are on silent or they have headphones. But it's still nicer if they have books or colouring to occupy them rather than screens.

BeatriceTheBeast · 28/10/2019 16:01

Realise I didn't respond to the original questio .
We don't have phones, tablets, books, magazines, newspapers or TV at meal times. Oh unless DH is watching rugby or cricket. But I can see how some people would need this, like the pp whose 6yo is autistic. I wouldn't judge, as I said above, because you just don't know. HOWEVER, they need to be on silent or with headphones if you are in a public place where other people are trying to relax. There really isn't an excuse for that tbh.

BeatriceTheBeast · 28/10/2019 16:03

Yes, we tend to bring colouring for DD, lift the flap books for DS.

nicknamehelp · 28/10/2019 16:03

my dc 16 and 13 have no limits on screen time apart from they are not allowed at the table either at home or out. When younger I would take a travel game or note book and pens if I thought meal out would be long winded but we've always valued this time as a time to chat as a family.

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