Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my poor dying dog just be called by his actually fekkin name

43 replies

IJustLovePirates · 28/10/2019 11:55

My poor dog is end of life. We saw the vet a few days ago. He has unoperable cancer. He will die soon. Am devastated.

My partner has a granddaughter. She has been taught to call him a shortened version of that name.

She visited at the weekend which was lovely, but now partner is calling our beloved dog by this other name which is completely alien to me.

For example, if our dog has had 15 years of being called Rover, suddenly, on the last couple of days he’s started calling our dog .Rovy.

It’s really upsetting me. I don’t know why, maybe previous family issues that have long since been resolved, but I just am seriously disturbed by this sudden ‘affectionate’ name in our dogs last few days. I just want him to spend his last few days with his usual fekkin name, and I’m upset with partner for suddenly in the last couple of days to start calling him by a different version of that name,
AI B U ?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 28/10/2019 11:56

Tell him?

Sorry about your dog. That sucks.

Majorcollywobble · 28/10/2019 12:02

YANBU
It’s one thing for his grandaughter to call your dog by his nickname from younger days but another for him to do it . Whether for him it’s an term of endearment or not it’s upsetting you .
You’re under a lot of stress and he should understand that - but you must just spell out how you feel . These last few days with your dear dog should not be made harder . Sending a hog to you and your dog xxxx

Majorcollywobble · 28/10/2019 12:03

So sorry - sending a hug

Original poster
IJustLovePirates · 28/10/2019 12:06

Thank you MatilfaTheCat... I did, but he just keeps doing it. I’m just so upset about the dog, and this really stupid childish name that we have never actually called him ever, is just really disturbing me.
OH says I’m mad

OP posts:
Fallofrain · 28/10/2019 12:06

Honestly i think that this is a whole lot of emotions about the dog that are being (understandably) funneled into a minor thing.

What youre going though is horrible, and its difficult to cope with and i think that in the grand scheme of things the name doesnt matter

Im sure your partner is struggling as you are, and as part of this has picked up a cutsy name

Now isnt the time for harsh conversations

Fallofrain · 28/10/2019 12:13

Sorry cross posted with your response. Losing a pet is horrible, and its so hard to be kind to ourselves and one another during

When it became clear that one of my dogs was not going to be with us for much longer, i channeled all of my thoughts into trying to keep the young cat from bothering her. My partner very kindly indulged this with me, and saw it for what it was even when i became annoyed and blamed him for the cats misgivings.

We all react in different ways. I would gentley explain that you prefer him not use that name.

Honestly you do what you both need to do in this period. Focus on doing nice things, and calmness

SoyDora · 28/10/2019 12:15

If you’ve asked him not to do it and explained why, and he’s still doing it, then he really isn’t very kind.

maras2 · 28/10/2019 12:16

Tell him. Angry
I'd go batshit if anyone had not used my cat's given name at such an awful and emotional time.
Sorry you're having to go through this. Flowers

Original poster
IJustLovePirates · 28/10/2019 12:18

Thank you @Fallofrain

Yes. Very difficult time /conversations about the best time to let the poor doggy

But the sudden introduction of a cutesy name to my poor failing dog, for some reason had set my teeth on edge, and we’ve had a huge fekkin arguement about other stuff,

Which I won’t go into, not drip feeding or anything, just want to know,, if you had a declining animal, would it bother you if you partner suddenly started calling it something else?

OP posts:
cornstarch · 28/10/2019 12:19

It's disrespectful. I wouldn't like it either

SoyDora · 28/10/2019 12:20

if you had a declining animal, would it bother you if you partner suddenly started calling it something else?

It would bother me if I’d asked my partner not to do something that upset me, and he did it anyway.

WhoisitnowRalph · 28/10/2019 12:28

Oh no, poor you - it's a tough time. Flowers I hope your dog is comfortable.

My dog is elderly, deaf and toothless with a spinal condition, deteriorating but not end of life just yet. My MIL calls her by a shortened version of her name, so much so that it's a bloody different name entirely - she's even had a dog bed and a bandana personalised with the wrong name!

It makes me roll my eyes a bit even though its probably not that big a deal - do you think you are perhaps extra sensitive because of your sadness at having to say goodbye soon? I think you could ask your partner to make things easier by using the right name, even if he thinks it's silly or not important, because it's important to you and it will ease your pain and grief.

Anyway sending hugs to you (sorry, v uncool) because I know it's hard.

Original poster
IJustLovePirates · 28/10/2019 12:31

Thank you. He says he’s at home during the day and he has called the dog this name often. I’ve never heard him call the dog by this version of his name, and now we’re down to the dogs last few fekkin days. I’m sorry... I just don’t want to fekkin hear this. I jist wAnt my boy to spend his least few days being called what’ he’s usually called and not some lighthearted cutesy diminutive.

Yes. Am upset. And clearly deranged according to OH

OP posts:
lborgia · 28/10/2019 12:34

Yeah, the problem is that he said you were crazy. One thing to forget, or keep doing it and saying “fgs, I’ve no idea how I’ve got that in my head”, or even “I really love the new name, I cannot see the problem”. But to tell OP she’s mad? Not a great time for red flags, but I truly think it is a horrid thing to do. I’m so sorry about your dog, this is such a difficult period to get through. Flowers

morporkia · 28/10/2019 12:35
Flowers
DaisyDreaming · 28/10/2019 12:36

As someone else said no it wouldn’t bother me if someone was calling my dog in her final days a different/cutesy name but it would bother me if I told them it was upsetting me and they didn’t stop. I’m sorry your dog is in his final days, it’s so hard watching them suffer and having to let them go and it’s normal to sometimes fixate on something when everything is out of control

BrendasUmbrella · 28/10/2019 12:38

No, it is annoying. Just like a very sick person, a dog needs to be allowed to just chill out, not wondering every two minutes "is that me they're talking to or someone else". He's being inconsiderate.

That said, for the sake of maintaining a peaceful environment, you've told your DH you hate it, if he's going to carry on there's nothing you can do.

contrary13 · 28/10/2019 12:39

I am so sorry for your impending loss.

With regards to the "other" version of your dog's name... is your dog responding to it? Maybe it's your partner's way of telling your dog that his granddaughter loves him? I don't know. I had a cat, whose name was... say 'Sharon' (not his name, obviously), and my father persisted in calling him "Shazza". It really irritated me. Even on the afternoon my cat died, having spent his entire life being called by his actual name, my father was there calling him by this moniker... but at the end of the day, it didn't detract from my cat knowing how much I loved him, and he had the bonus of knowing that my father loved him, too. Sometimes, for their sake, I think we have to just bite our tongue and let it go. Your dog will pick up on you feeling stressed, as it is - don't add to it.

I'm so sorry.

Ellie56 · 28/10/2019 12:40

He doesn't sound like much of a partner to me. Partners are supposed to be supportive, especially in the bad times, not make the bad times worse!

Flowers
MadameButterface · 28/10/2019 12:42

Oh op i’m so sorry 😢 what awful saddening news, made worse by your partner being a total dick about it. I’d be exactly as you are, devastated. I am sorry, i have no advice, because it’s not really a ltb situation, unless this is part of a pattern of him being a dickhead then denying your feelings when challenged, and even if it is that then this is hardly the time is it? but i wanted to tell you that i see you and i sympathise so much, please be kind to yourself at this time and don’t let thoughts like ‘i am being silly it’s only a dog’ creep in, or feel pressured to put a face on and go out of your comfort zone carrying on as normal because ‘it’s only a dog’. This is grief, it is as real as any other, and it takes us all differently, please don’t feel ashamed.

hidinginthenightgarden · 28/10/2019 12:46

Could he be upset like you and trying to emotionally distance himself from the dog to make it easier when he passes?

messolini9 · 28/10/2019 12:46

OH says I’m mad

How charming of him to mock you, & diminish your entirely understandable feelings right now.

Is he one of those humans who will say "it's only a dog", by any chance?
Because it's SO much easier to dismiss somebody's else's pain in bereavement than to actually - oh I dunno - empathise, soothe & accept.

Am so sorry for what you are going through, & fwiw, completely understand why what might appear to a more callous mindset to be a daft objection about a name, is actually a response to your own fear & grief.

Stay strong for your dog. No matter how much it hurts you, you are preparing to give him the gift of a decent end of life. It is so horrible to be the one who decides the date the vet is going to have to be called out for the last time. Sod anyone else who doesn't want to understand - you just make sure YOU are calling him by his familiar name, spending time just holding & petting him, & helping him feel secure in his last days with you.

Flowers & also Wine. Best wishes to you @IJustLovePirates .

Smotheroffive · 28/10/2019 12:48

I am so sorry, poor ddoggie and you.

I think your OH is behaving like a total dick.

First because he can see you're upset, which is to be expected, yet continues disrespecting you and being uncaring towards the dog who used to another name.

Second, for calling you mad. What an arse.

You do all you need to do to get through this, and ask him if he could just manage to call the poor dying ddoggie by its usual name for the last few days of its life and manage to put his shitty behaviour to one side for this few days.

Its not too much to ask. Sorry you are also having other relationship difficulties too at this tough time. Flowers

Original poster
IJustLovePirates · 28/10/2019 12:48

Thank you WhoisitnowRalph

Yes, I’m maybe a bit over sensitive just now. And also I think the poor dog has to go to the vet for the last time, but OH thinks that he could last for a bit longer, and it’s just absolutely heartbreaking

OP posts:
PenelopeFlintstone · 28/10/2019 12:49

You’re upset but I think it’s you. Lots of dogs have more than one name.