To let my poor dying dog just be called by his actually fekkin name

[IJustLovePirates]

My poor dog is end of life. We saw the vet a few days ago. He has unoperable cancer. He will die soon. Am devastated.

My partner has a granddaughter. She has been taught to call him a shortened version of that name.

She visited at the weekend which was lovely, but now partner is calling our beloved dog by this other name which is completely alien to me.

For example, if our dog has had 15 years of being called Rover, suddenly, on the last couple of days he’s started calling our dog .Rovy.

It’s really upsetting me. I don’t know why, maybe previous family issues that have long since been resolved, but I just am seriously disturbed by this sudden ‘affectionate’ name in our dogs last few days. I just want him to spend his last few days with his usual fekkin name, and I’m upset with partner for suddenly in the last couple of days to start calling him by a different version of that name,
AI B U ?

So sorry OP.
Your partner is being shockingly insensitive and unkind. Is he normally unable to cope with you being upset? Is he himself very upset and trying to deny it, using a different, cutesy name seems quite telling to me.
It is terrible losing a much loved dog. , so I hope it is the latter rather than the former.

Oh OP I am so sorry you are in this position.

I think your DH must also be struggling though and you should believe him when he says he has called your dog the shortened name when you weren’t around. Let him call your dog by whatever name he is comfortable with. It is likely he is doing it more due to your dear dog being ill. People are more inclined to use terms of endearment in such circumstances. Does the dog respond to the name? He will most likely be happy to hear familiar humans whatever they say.

It’s not kind of your husband to be dismissive of your feelings but presumably he is also upset and really one of you does not get to dictate to the other what they get to call the dog.

Try not to let this upset you or cause tension as your dog will pick up on it. Again I am so sorry.

Have you gone through a loss with your partner before, or is this the first big one? That’s part of it, too. If you’ve gone through other losses with him (perhaps you’ve lost a parent or something), and he’s always been supportive, I’m not sure I’d completely count him out, though I don’t blame you for being upset. But if this is the first loss in your relationship, and he’s showing you how he “supports” you (not doing a simple thing you’ve told him is important when it’s your dog, calling you crazy when you tell him something about the loss upsets you when we all know grief is like that, etc.) then I wouldn’t be surprised you’ve had a big argument, and more may be on the way.

In general, YANBU in my opinion. I’ve seen my aunt who was very attached to her dog (just her and Ddog had lived together without anyone else for 12 years) finally snap at MIL for repeatedly calling Ddog by the wrong name, and he wasn’t dying at the time. It just seemed to aunt like MIL was constantly saying, “His name is not important to me.” I think names do matter when we care about their subject.

Sorry about your dog. It’s a very emotional time. I don’t think your partner is right here, and even if he thought he was he should respect your wishes about your dog.

Why was the granddaughter taught to use that name?

I don't get the sympathy for him being so cruel toward OP rather than just saying he wants to call the ddog this, and ddog responds well to it, he's been nasty and cruel to OP as he can see it's upsetting her and calling her mad.

Its not the same. He's being actively horrible.

If dd is just lying around waiting to die it does sound like a difficult decision needs making, sooner rather that later.

in fairness your DH probably isn't thinking too straight either - after all his is losing him too

Thank you everyone and particularly messolini9

Sorry. Am fairly new to Mumsnet and not good at quoting/replying, but really appreciate all your responses.

To OH I am clearly ‘overreacting’ and worse. Am a bir mad apparently.

It’s a really fekkin difficult time, To me, The dog is dying, and I just don’t need the cutsie name

Which I won’t go into, not drip feeding or anything, just want to know,, if you had a declining animal, would it bother you if you partner suddenly started calling it something else?

Don’t know about the name, but it would bother me if my partner ignored me when asked not to.

Op im so sorry about your dog, how sad xx

YANBU

My sister had a wonderful girl who was the centre of my world and helped me through so many difficult and frankly bloody awful years. Due to work commitments, she spent a lot of time with me and I loved her like she was mine.

My sister's partner loved this lovely dog and did something similar towards the end. Her lovely name was not the name on her casket. The other name was there.

It broke me. I can't explain the grief and I know it sounds irrational.

Thinking of you and your dog

The name wouldn't be a problem for me, and it does sound as though you are overreacting quite badly, but your partner is bang out of order to call you mad when you're already struggling. That sounds like more of a problem, not the diminutive name but the insensitivity of your partner.

I’m so sorry. I lost mine eight weeks ago.

Yanbu about the name.

So sorry my mother refused to call my dogs by thier names just referred to them as the dogs. She died 3 months ago didn't bother going to her funeral she was cruel and narcissistic she just didn't understand what love was all about. Love my dogs far more than I ever loved her that's for sure

Names matter, a lot.

It annoys me greatly when I hear others being called names that they don't like. It's the name holders prerogative to be called by their name, as decided by them.

When my dgm passed, she had different special names and they were special names, which was lovely to see, and names she herself loved being called. Some on these names featured on her gravestone, and I've seen it on others too.

Your OHs treatment of you over this doesn't sound this way at all though.

We are a family who's animals have lots of names and would/have used those various names during tough times.

I would not be calling someone close to me 'mad' for being upset, and the situation doesn't sound the same atall, especially as there are other relationship issues going on alongside.

Thank you everyone and as I’ve said before I’m fairly new to Mumsnet and no the best at replying to individual posters.

Yes,.Absolutely awful time about our dog. Breakin’ ma fekkin’ heart, believe me,

We all suffer loss of pets in different ways, and I just can’t stand this,
X

Oh how awful, Op.

Can't believe how cruel your OH is being.

I use daft names, but it must seem that dignity is being taken away from your dog & I think that he should respect what you are asking.

It would bother me if I’d asked my partner not to do something that upset me, and he did it anyway.

This.
Sorry OP

I agree with @Fallofrain and their synopsis. You are feeling that this small gesture of the nick name will in some way diminish your cherished dog....it doesn't at all. It's just a random word, it means nothing. What means everything is your actual relationship with your dog and the joy you've brought each other over the years. In your mind you dog will always be know to you as their rightful name.