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AIBU?

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Original poster

7 hour phone call with the ex

42 replies

QuinoaSocks · 27/10/2019 17:53

Me and ex broke up last week due to unknown reasons. We argued over something minor. He's majorly stressed. It was kind of expected due to what's going on in his life, and he's prone to mood swings.

I suppose the breakup was very amicable. Very respectful, no shouting or swearing. Just him saying "I think we should be on our own". I missed him a lot over the week but respected his decision. He has quite bad mental health, very paranoid. He has PTSD and has in the past been very suspicious of others intentions. This is very bad at the minute and he is under a medication review.

Anyway. We had a week of no contact. He called me this morning at 10am. I've only just got off the phone. We spoke about how he was, how I was, and just general stuff for those 7 ish hours.

He said he'd speak to me later on tonight.

Aibu to think 7 hours is an excessive amount of time to speak to your ex if you didn't care about them?

We've never had a 7 hour phone call before ... What does it mean?? And how do I move forward from here ? I do want him back, but mostly I want to make sure he's okay

OP posts:
QueenoftheDay · 27/10/2019 17:53

Don’t take him back. You don’t need the mind games

quincejamplease · 27/10/2019 17:54

Why do you want him back?

That doesn't sound caring, it sounds unhealthy.

Lovemenorca · 27/10/2019 17:55

It sounds odd, intense and ultimately - a bit daft

Drabarni · 27/10/2019 17:55

Gosh, your brain will be fried if you were on a mobile.

Breathlessness · 27/10/2019 17:58

Unless you have children with him, run as far and as fast as you can. If you want this level of drama in your life try opera.

Original poster
QuinoaSocks · 27/10/2019 18:34

We don't have children.

It's not dramatic there was no fight

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 27/10/2019 18:46

Cheaper to pop round surely ? Hmm

ballsdeep · 27/10/2019 18:48

7 hours?! Your. Phone must have been on fire

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/10/2019 18:50

@BumbleBeee69 I've got unlimited minutes so it wouldn't have cost me any extra than I already pay anyway.

There's a reason it wasn't working OP. How much has really changed in a week?

edwinbear · 27/10/2019 18:50

My ear would be on fire if my phone was stuck to it for 7 hours!

MrsMaiselsMuff · 27/10/2019 18:55

He may not may not be fine, but it's not your job to fix him.

You move on by having minimal contact, at least until your feelings have changed.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 27/10/2019 18:56

I split up with an ex of 3 years when I was in my early 20s. I just didnt love him any more, couldn't see a future with him, and was getting disproportionately annoyed with all his irritating habits. I really struggled for a few months not to talk to him every day and we ended up speaking as much as we had done previously. We saw each other and still kissed and messed around. I'm not proud of it and in hindsight it probably gave him a false hope we would get back together.

I think it was a mix of genuinely missing him as he was a decent guy, being scared for the future as I hadn't been on my own in ages (so it felt to my 22 year old self), not having that many close friends where I lived as I'd recently moved for work, and habit, as if you're used to spending a lot of time with someone or speaking to them all the time, there is a massive hole when you no longer do this (you see something they would think is funny and automatically go to text them and then realise you're not supposed to etc and for a while you're not sure if you have anyone else in your life that you can tell).

As much as I wanted to see and speak to him, I had absolutely no doubts I'd done the right thing splitting up with him, and we gradually lost touch.

Not saying that's what's going on here as plenty people get back with exs, but equally him missing you doesnt mean he wants to be with you. Sorry

AloeVeraLynn · 27/10/2019 19:04

It all just sounds intense. Not just the excessive phone call but the relationship generally. His mental health isn't going to have changed in a week and it sounds like he could do with quite long term therapy. You can still have feelings for each other but accept that a relationship isn't healthy.

PotteringAlong · 27/10/2019 19:05

7 hours?! What on earth did you find to talk about for 7 hours?! Did you not stop for lunch?

satanstoenailsandwich · 27/10/2019 19:06

7 hours!! Did you not have to crap during that time at all?

VenusTiger · 27/10/2019 19:24

Wow everyone!

@QuinoaSocks you’ve basically just been a therapist, and could’ve earned a far few thousand... in other words, he needed to speak to someone he trusted, someone who couldn’t judge, someone who knew his story without having to explain it all from scratch, all from a distance.

He needs his counselling/medical review and you as a fall back IF you’re willing and able.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/10/2019 19:28

You're in a position now where you can get a little distance and a little perspective. Don't rush anything, just give yourself some time to work through your own feelings; your post is mainly about him, his issues, his needs. Where are you in all of that?

I appreciate that everyone wants love but in order for a relationship to be healthy and functional both people have to be getting something positive from it and from your OP it's all about him.

Work out what you want. What you need. What you expect. Then see if he's able to offer that, and if he's not, you can still be amicable. But you can't save him from his own mental health. Don't put that on your shoulders because it's a load you won't be able to carry.

TheMouldNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 27/10/2019 19:28

Was it genuinely seven hours?! Did you wee and eat lunch whilst talking?

Original poster
QuinoaSocks · 27/10/2019 19:29

@VenusTiger

We mostly talked about how I was doing really and then a normal conversation. I've never acted as his therapist, the phone call was as much benefit for me as it was for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuinoaSocks · 27/10/2019 19:30

Yes it was genuinely 7 hours. I didnt have lunch, neither did he.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 27/10/2019 19:55

How are you feeling after that? Exhausted? Satisfied? What?

bringincrazyback · 27/10/2019 20:00

Lovely to see the compassionate way some people on here talk about people with MH problems. Hmm

Original poster
QuinoaSocks · 27/10/2019 20:23

@bringincrazyback

I am shocked at how thoughtless some people are on here. It's got so nasty lately. No actual advice just pure sniping for no reason.

OP posts:
Lovemenorca · 27/10/2019 20:42

Do you have children op?

Elieza · 27/10/2019 20:56

His meds are being reviewed. Judging by my situation with my ex, the meds can make a tremendous difference when they are sorted. You may find he’s a nicer guy then.

If they can’t sort the meds to make him more balanced and happier I’d probably walk. It’s very hard being with someone who is unbalanced. I found it soul destroying.

But for now I’d say hang in there but keep calls under /around an hour per day.

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