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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to make it up to bride?

42 replies

nycfrog · 27/10/2019 16:35

My (half)sister is getting married in 2 weeks and I've been a rubbish bridesmaid/sister. It's a destination wedding (Thailand) and I was hoping you could suggest little treats I could give her on the day of the wedding/night before. I was thinking about luxurious beauty products but I'm wary of doing this in case something reacts badly with her skin.

I've already bought her a nice wedding present, just need little thoughtful things.

OP posts:
Winteriscomingfast · 27/10/2019 16:38

Mosquito repellent bands? The stickers for the skin worked well for me.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/10/2019 16:42

Yes. Small things that might make a difference to their basic comfort levels.

If you've been a bit shite obvious gifts will be annoying, like you're trying to spend your way back into the good books. But a few well thought out items that they may not have thought of would be a quiet way to show you care.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2019 16:44

Can you organise a nice breakfast on the morning of the wedding?

...what did you do/not do?

SleepingStandingUp · 27/10/2019 16:46

In what way have you been rubbish or is she being a bridezilla and making you feel like nothing is good enough?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 27/10/2019 16:47

What is she doing the night before the wedding? If she is staying separately to husband to be you could organise a dinner for the two of you?

diddl · 27/10/2019 17:08

Can't help thinking that if you're going to Thailand for a wedding there's no way that you can be a rubbish sister/bmaid!

ThatMuppetShow · 27/10/2019 17:13

Are you going?

What you could do is offer help now to deal with last minute details

If you are going, offer to take things in your luggage for her

offer help on the day, in a wedding planner kind of way, and check everything so she doesn't have to bother with any of the details.

Or arrange some arrival treat - check with hotel first what they plan! to make them feel special

organise some "welcome home" treat when they fly back - coming back from a holiday is already depressing, so from your dream wedding, it's not the most magical time!

gavisconismyfriend · 27/10/2019 17:13

Really luxurious bath foam
Posh candle
Hand held battery operated fan
Pre-order champagne/cocktails for her room
Card with lovely message in it

lalafafa · 27/10/2019 17:14

a massage on the beach

ShirleyPhallus · 27/10/2019 17:17

I’m not sure that I’d want gifts from someone who has been a rubbish bridesmaid or sister, I’d feel like they were trying to buy their way back. What have you done / not done? Can’t you step up now and help and support what she needs of you?

quincejamplease · 27/10/2019 17:21

What are you trying to make up for?

AlmostAlwyn · 27/10/2019 17:22

I did a few little gifts for my sister on her wedding day. A little Yankee candle called "wedding day", a wooden plaque thing with a quote on it (it was relevant to her and DH!), some love hearts and gummy hearts Smile

Instatwat · 27/10/2019 17:22

I had a rubbish bridesmaid and to be honest I just needed her to show up on the day and not mess anything else up. I wouldn’t have wanted a gift(s) from her no matter how small; it’d have been totally transparent.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/10/2019 17:26

A little Yankee candle called "wedding day", a wooden plaque thing with a quote on it

This would honestly be my worst nightmare to receive Grin

AlmostAlwyn · 27/10/2019 17:30

@ShirleyPhallus good job it wasn't your wedding then! Wink

If a candle is your worst nightmare, Christmas must be a minefield!

ThatMuppetShow · 27/10/2019 17:34

To be fair, if they are in Thailand enjoying a dream holiday, not sure a candle and a plaque have any use there

Sunshinelollipops1 · 27/10/2019 17:35

@Instatwat same here. One of my bridesmaids was a nightmare. Literally all I wanted was for her to turn up and not make the day about her.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/10/2019 17:36

No but @AlmostAlwyn maybe that’s what the OP gave to her friend to offend her so much Grin

You are right about Christmas though, I’m a complete grinch because I absolutely hate tat

PoppiesarelethaltoSpellmans · 27/10/2019 17:36

What have you done to be crap?

AutumnCrow · 27/10/2019 17:37

What have you done that's so rubbish?

Are you actually going to the wedding? I wouldn't go to Thailand for a wedding, just saying.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 27/10/2019 17:39

How have you been a bad sister? Are we talking shagging the groom or being late for a dress fitting?

You stepping up now would probably mean more to her, as let’s face it a pile of tat gifts (I.e wooden plaques) just screams try hard.

You can be a decent bridesmaid from this point on...

Original poster
nycfrog · 27/10/2019 17:48

I've had some mental health issues which she is aware of. Sis lives in Hong Kong.

OP posts:
TotalSlattern1 · 27/10/2019 17:48

Will she have to bring it back in her luggage and will there be room?

Thegoodandbadlife · 27/10/2019 17:56

Could you treat her to a spa day either at the hotel for the wedding or where she lives a couple of days/ day before the wedding. I’m sure she’d appreciate a lovely facial and getting a manicure or pedicure done ready for the wedding!

mathanxiety · 27/10/2019 18:04

Don't give her any last minute gifts. That would be just attention seeking and figuring out what to do with them, where to store them, and how to pack them for her honeymoon and return home would be just one more chore for her. Some items make customs people suspicious too. Don't do it.

Send her flowers now while she is still at home via Interflora or some other floral delivery service, along with a note apologising to her for being a rubbish sister and bridesmaid, with no excuses, and make sure you put her first for the duration of the wedding.