How to make it up to bride?

[nycfrog]

My (half)sister is getting married in 2 weeks and I've been a rubbish bridesmaid/sister. It's a destination wedding (Thailand) and I was hoping you could suggest little treats I could give her on the day of the wedding/night before. I was thinking about luxurious beauty products but I'm wary of doing this in case something reacts badly with her skin.

I've already bought her a nice wedding present, just need little thoughtful things.

I agree with the person who says that this could just be irritating. You can’t make up for whatever you have done by buying her stuff. Doesn’t work like that. So long as you have got her a nice thoughtful gift for her wedding and try to make sure that your mental health doesn’t have an impact on you sisters wedding, that should be more than enough.

Mosquito repellent bands?

They are rubbish for mossie magnets as they only protect the wrist. OH has to cover every single part of exposed skin not to get bitten.

Ah, so you mean a small gift that says, 'I care'?

I agree with just turn up and be thorough and reliable from now on - reply to messages ASAP, act like it’s your new boss and you’re on probation. Turn up early to stuff, don’t get drunk or moan or make it about your feelings . It’s her wedding not your show.

Actions not words. Gifts are just going to be construed as extra tat to deal with and a spa day might get in the way of other plans - I wouldn’t want some therapist I hadn’t met before doing stuff to my skin just before a wedding day!

Why don't you get her a nice piece of jewellery that she can wear after the wedding? Not something for the wedding day, she's probably already sorted that and it's such a personal thing. But a nice necklace or whatever she likes to wear. Or a bottle of her favourite perfume.

I wouldn't go down the spa route as I agree with you OP. I had facials up to a month before our wedding but no closer as some products made me break out.

Whatever she misses from the UK and can't get/is expensive in HK

Not a Thai massage. She wont walk for a week.

To be honest trying to gift them an experience or dinner or spa event during the wedding period might be more stressful for her, as she will then need to fit it into an already packed itinerary.

In your situation I would gift her some lovely keepsake jewellery (Tiffanys or De Beers) but depends on your budget

Maybe just a card with a really thoughtful message. Someone close to me has MH issues, which can make life difficult sometimes and creates issues for a number of people. If he just acknowledged in a letter or a message or a conversation that he understands that his MH impacts me, and that he is sorry, it would make it easier somehow. I wouldn’t want a gift though.

This is not at all what you're looking for but if you're not yet in Thailand please stock up on sunscreen before you go. Most of the sunscreen there has skin-whiteners in it which wrecks your tan, and the ones that don't have whiteners cost an arm & a leg!

I wouldn't give her anything the day before or on her wedding day. She will probably have everything planned and an extra activity will be yet another thing to fit into the plan, and a gift is something unexpected she will have to fit into her luggage on the way home. I would just turn up and do what she wants you to do, be reliable and help her when she needs help. If you want to get her something extra, wait until afterwards and get it sent home to her. Maybe make it a month after her wedding date so that the date means something.

Could you email the hotel and arrange for flowers, champagne and chocolates to be in her room with a little card telling you her you love her and wishing her a very special time? (although the bridal suite may do that already?)

A handwritten letter to tell her you love her.

Well hang on, if being a rubbish bridesmaid/sister is to do with your MH then have you actually done anything “wrong” or just been a bit/lot absent and struggling due to feeling so rubbish? Does she think/has told you you’ve been a bad bridesmaid/sister?

You’ve obviously been having a hard time & care very much about your sister, so don’t be too hard on yourself

My sister gave me a letter she had written. About our relationship. I cried and I cherish it.

Don't do gestures to appease yourself, just be genuinely present in the moment. Gestures, especially last minute ones, aren't a substitute for just being there, being involved and being happy for the person who's getting married.

I think if you've been ill and live in another country, then you haven't been a rubbish bridesmaid as there's not much opportunity to do anything from afar..

I think if you sent her a nice message now saying how much you've been thinking of her and that you want to support her when you all meet up at the wedding venue and ask if there is anything in particular you can do to be helpful. If she can't think of anything at the moment then just say that you will be on standby to assist her and she has only to ask. I think that would mean a whole lot more to her than perfume, engraved stuff etc.. and things that are difficult to pack or use in such a short time.
You could also order some flowers or champaign for her room ( or bring your own and wrap it nicely with a card) for her arrival.
The fact that you are thinking of her and want to help is lovely and I am sure she will appreciate just knowing that.