Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off at partner - AIBU?

63 replies

LadyFuchsiaGroan · 27/10/2019 11:14

My dp said today that he would refuse to attend our children's party, as there would be no point in him being there.

My daughter has a party coming up soon and I am annoyed that he thinks it is fine for him to stay at home playing computer games while I do the party by myself. Plus I think it is sad for the children that their father will never be present for their parties.

So aibu? Also is this normal for most families and am I just blowing it out of proportion?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 27/10/2019 12:45

Drogosnextwife I have noticed you a couple of times recently please start your own thread to get support as your husband sounds one of the worst and u think you need it

Armadillostoes · 27/10/2019 12:46

Is-This is terrible and not normal. The point should be his child's happiness at having a loving and involved parent. This isn't about one party, it is about his attitude and priorities. Your DD deserves MUCH better than this, give him a kick up the bum for her sake. If he doesn't react appropriately, make plans to separate from him and ensure that he pays his way for the rest of her childhood. Don't enable this pathetic loser to check out of parenting.

GinNotGym19 · 27/10/2019 12:47

Why does he think there’s no point? What’s the background behind that.
I’d be fuming in your shoes!!! Totally unacceptable!

Oysterbabe · 27/10/2019 12:50

Of course he should be there. What a prick.
My DD is having a 4th Birthday party soon and she'd be really sad if her daddy wasn't there.

Bloomburger · 27/10/2019 12:58

This is why women should stear clear of grown men who still play computer games.

RebootYourEngine · 27/10/2019 13:39

So does he think only one parent needs to be there? If so how would he feel/react if you said that you are going to do xyz and he can do the party.

Jaffacakebeast · 27/10/2019 13:45

Is there anything worse than kids parties?! why do you both have to suffer it. Should take it in turns tho

Fookadook · 27/10/2019 13:52

Of course he should attend their parties. They’ll remember that Daddy was never there. Children aren’t stupid.

FabbyChix · 27/10/2019 13:54

My kids had parties when young their dad never attended never expected him to

mamandematribu · 27/10/2019 14:23

Okay do you actually have children with him or was the conversation hypothetical?? Hmm

mamandematribu · 27/10/2019 14:25

Sorry I have reread your post.
Is your daughter his ACTUAL child or a step child?? I can understand not attending a step child's party.

Oysterbabe · 27/10/2019 14:52

So from a bit of snooping, you have a DD from a previous relationship and a baby together? I assume you mean that he's not going to your daughter's party but has also said he doesn't intend to go to future parties for the child you have together.
I would be annoyed about him not going to my daughters birthday party but I think more forgivable than not attending his own child's party.

Bingcankissmyass · 27/10/2019 15:48

What an utter cockwomble "theres no point" ffs Angry we have our DD 4th birthday next week and even though my DH suffers with social anxiety, he is going to be there. He may not talk to the other parents, but the main thing is he's there for his DD. You are nbu in the slightest

june2007 · 27/10/2019 16:00

Actually I think a lot of people feel awkward. How many times do you go to parties and people hang around looking board wishing they weren't there. Give him a job to do. Like can he be in charge of music, the food ect. I don,t think is being unreasonable after my experience with some parties . Also who chose to put on the party was it a joint decision or was it your idea ad he went along with it? Was he aware that he was expected to take part. Perhaps he thought it was something you were putting on. The idea to some of making small talk with parents he has never met is hell.

OrangeTwirlGate · 27/10/2019 16:02

Unless he has social anxiety/ is very shy/ hates crowds etc.

Then he is being a shit dad and you need to put your foot down.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 27/10/2019 16:43

It depends... My husband stays around for parties that are held at home. He does the cooking and then slips off. He has never come to a party that was held outside of our home. It's just not his thing. He'd be awkward and anxious, and I'd be on edge trying to deal with kids, parents etc and making sure he's alright.

Not everyone fits in to the "perfect family setup" box.

My husband does plenty of other stuff with and for our kids, but he doesn't do parties (outside the home) because he can't cope with them.

I haven't voted, but I'd rather have no partner there than a partner who didn't want to be there.

Motoko · 27/10/2019 17:59

This is why women should stear clear of grown men who still play computer games.

Bollocks! It's not the computer games that are the problem, but the men. It could be anything, and often is, such as football, running, golf.

There are decent men who have hobbies (including gaming) who put their families first, and fit the hobby in where they can, unfortunately, there are still far too many dickheads out there. But it has nothing to do with gaming.

Original poster
LadyFuchsiaGroan · 27/10/2019 19:33

Oysterbabe- you got it in one. It's not so much the refusing this party but any party in the future too, especially his child which has pissed me off.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 27/10/2019 19:39

Ds parties have been mostly on Friday so Dh would be at work - fair enough. The last one was on a weekend and Dh came along. I'm sure few parents delight in the thought of a childs party but they just come as part and parcel of parenting. Your partner is being selfish.

Pumpkintopf · 27/10/2019 19:42

Of course you are not being unreasonable. He may not enjoy the party but it's not about him, it's about being there for his child and also taking a full and active role in the organisation and running of said party. He needs to step up.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 27/10/2019 19:42

Wtf, unless you're having it somewhere where it's all outsourced (all games, food, supervision of children etc) then parties are hard work and why should you bloody do it all? If your child is at an age where they dont care about their parents being there, then a compromise would be to take it in turns to host

Darkstar4855 · 27/10/2019 19:43

it depends, how old is the child?

mogtheexcellent · 27/10/2019 19:50

My mums ex husband was like this. Note the ex and the fact I no longer call him dad. Angry

My stepdad is ace though which more than makes up for it Smile

WhinyWa · 27/10/2019 20:08

Another prince among men.
Why has he decided that he won't attend. Sounds like a lazy pig.

SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 27/10/2019 20:11

"This is why women should stear clear of grown men who still play computer games"

Yeh because it's the games that are the problem here. What about grown women who still play them?