To be completely miffed by comments on breast feeding

[GsMama19]

So I gave birth 17 weeks ago and even now I get asked, "how do you feed?" or "do you still breast feed?" In which I reply yes, I do breast feed.

EVERYTIME I get the reply "oh, well done you!" "Good on you for still breast feeding" "I'm surprised you breastfeed".
I don't know if it's because I look young (22 but look younger, mainly height reasons haha) and people just assume the younger generation all bottle feed, but WHY?
I feel like if I did bottle feed, all these people would be judging me.
I don't understand why it's a massive thing? I feed my DD. End of. Why is so impressive just because I breastfeed?

AIBU to think that these comments could make some people feel really shitty?

Most babies are ff in the UK, so even by continuing to ebf past 8 weeks you are in the minority irrespective of your age.

Honestly, I’d take it at face value and assume that most people aren’t dicks and when they say “Well done!”, they are being sincere and acknowledging that bf isn’t easy and an achievement.

The "I'm surprised" comment is rude, the others are just being nice/supportive.
Unless you go into a longer conversation you can't really know if they'd be rude about bottlefeeding, they might be saying 'well done' because they found breastfeeding hard etc.

I got lots of positive comments for breastfeeding DS1 and I was 28 and from a demographic where most women breastfeed. I thought people were just trying to be nice.

You get complimented/encouraged and it pisses you off?
You just sound like you are looking for a fight. Why would the comments piss anyone else off or make them feel shitty, are you assuming thats if your answer was "I'm ff", then people would tell them they were failures? They would just adjust what they were going to say!

it’s very unusual still to be bf at 17 weeks whatever age you are. It’s an achievement, so it’s OK for people to say well done. Doesn’t mean they’d “judge” if you were bottle feeding. People make conversation about babies- it usually means nothing. Bit strange that so many people ask you about feeding, though.

I sort of know what you mean OP. I had both my DC in a bit of south London where everyone breastfeeds. It had never occurred to me not to anyway and then I happened to be somewhere that was the norm. Only met one mum who started bottle feeding before about 5 months.

Then I moved to east Kent when DC2 was only a few weeks and a couple.of people complimented me on breastfeeding. It did feel a bit patronising but I told myself they were just being nice. But I know what you mean, it was as odd to me as if they'd said, "oh you're still dressing her in appropriate clothing" or "oh, you're still changing her nappy at regular intervals".

The uk has a very very low rate of breastfeeding so I think most people are genuinely being supportive in a round about way. I breastfed all my children so am really pleased to see someone feeding in public. It wasn't the norm when my children were younger.

Because it’s really hard for some people and they’re acknowledging an achievement. It might well have been straight for you but if the person you’re speaking to has trouble then it may be a big deal to them.

Why is so impressive just because I breastfeed?

Perhaps because it isn't easy for everybody. Some women find it bloody difficult yet they persevere. Some find it too difficult to continue with. People are just trying to be nice, that's all - accept it.

Oh please can we try to avoid this thread going the usual way?

What's the usual way?

It’s just because it is really difficult for a lot of women and so they are assumjng that you persevered in the face of difficulty.

On the flip side yes they may also judge FF mums but hope not.

Yeah I get you OP, I find it really strange. To me it's a health question when asked by midwife etc so I would rather not have their opinion on my choices? Even if its complimentary.

I'd presume they're just looking to be nice/polite by asking relevant questions and picked one of the few topics that apply to new babies.

Oh please can we try to avoid this thread going the usual way?

Seconded

I breastfed my 9 month old ds1 at the young parents group and the organisers got very excited about it. So it could be an age thing as nobody did that when I breastfed any of my other dc.

Breast feeding is the best milk available to baby and unfortunately the uk doesn’t have great rates of breastfeeding.

Most people are just being nice/ trying to find something nice to say

I remember a lady coming over to me as I was breastfeeding my baby in asda.
She said 'how lovely and what a good job I was doing esp being able to do it in a busy place'.
It did made me feel good, I know some woman can not do it or wont want to and that is ok, but at that time in my life I needed to hear that (I had PND and was very close to stopping breastfeeding).
I think us woman dont do enough encouraging or just supporting other woman out loud.

Oh please can we try to avoid this thread going the usual way?

What is 'the usual way' please? I can't ever recall a thread where the OP was miffed that people complimented her on BF before.

People are trying to be nice, they're acknowledging that it's relatively unusual to bf and that it can be a bit of a slog. I had DD1 early 20s and the HV was always amazed I was bf.

I think the congratulatory comments are sincere, as other posters point out, breastfeeders are in the minority at your stage.

The surprise is probably because you are young. I think breast feeding is associated with older mothers and higher levels of education. I was slightly younger than the average first-time mother and breastfed for 2.5 years, my mother was very young and breastfed me and my two siblings. I knew she didn't fit the stereotype, despite this, I was surprised when my sibling's very young SIL told me she was still breastfeeding at six months.

I felt a bit ashamed because I had just privately assumed she'd be formula-feeding. I suppose, given the statistics, it's not an unreasonable assumption.

Some women might be impressed because they know first hand that breast feeding isn’t easy but for the most part I think people are just making banal conversation and they aren’t really all that impressed, it’s just something nice to say. BF didn’t work for us and I had lots of people, usually older women including 2 midwives, congratulating me for bottle feeding because they viewed it as the sensible choice for an easy life and more sleep! The post partum period is difficult and it’s nice to get a compliment even if it is a bit superficial.

If you feel they are being patronising, just say "Oh, why?" and see how they respond. If they're genuine, and being nice, they'll come back with a good answer (eg I struggled so much, X struggled, etc). If they're being patronised they'll squirm having being put on the spot.

Of course you might get the occasional outrageous fucker who says something really horrible. You'll at least know then to cut them out of your life!

I would say 'well done" because I have breastfed one DC until 2 and now have a second 8 week old and I know from both how hard it js. I've had tongue tie issues, supply problems, mastitis, allergies to contend with, so I see people bf and think it's worth being supportive

Breastfeeding continuation is very low. While 81% of new mothers will leave hospital breastfeeding, the UK has the lowest continuation rate in Europe and it drops down to 27% of mothers still breastfeeding at 6 weeks. Breastfeeding is hard for women and your thread comes across a bit "I'm better than everyone because I'm breastfeeding".
Good for you, but acknowledge that other women struggle.
Many women have to stop BF before they wanted to. I, for example, have a 11-week-old baby whose severe reflux means from this week I've had to bottle feed him expressed milk and even special formula a couple of times a day (because I don't get as much from expressing as from from direct latch) because he won't take the thickener in a syringe, and I'm up at nearly 3am right now pumping milk to put in the fridge and so I avoid mastitis, which is a painful condition many BF mothers get. I've also had 2 rounds of thrush in my nipple/his mouth and 2 cracked bleeding nipples due to his tongue tie which I couldn't get treated as I couldn't drive to the place to do it because I had to have a C-section. I am also trying to work full-time because while I'm entitled to maternity and I don't quite have a 3-month-old yet, I am self-employed and my business will fall apart if I don't keep it going. That in and of itself makes BF harder when he needs to feed every hour during the day.
Breastfeeding is not easy, and the only person I ever heard say otherwise was a preachy man who thought formula ought to be on prescription. And a lot of women NEED encouragement and support to keep going with it. God knows I do.

@notmytea wow you've BF two? That's amazing! I'm dreading having baby number two at some point in the future because I'd feel bad if I didn't at least try to BF, but I just don't want the pain all over again.