To be completely miffed by comments on breast feeding

[GsMama19]

So I gave birth 17 weeks ago and even now I get asked, "how do you feed?" or "do you still breast feed?" In which I reply yes, I do breast feed.

EVERYTIME I get the reply "oh, well done you!" "Good on you for still breast feeding" "I'm surprised you breastfeed".
I don't know if it's because I look young (22 but look younger, mainly height reasons haha) and people just assume the younger generation all bottle feed, but WHY?
I feel like if I did bottle feed, all these people would be judging me.
I don't understand why it's a massive thing? I feed my DD. End of. Why is so impressive just because I breastfeed?

AIBU to think that these comments could make some people feel really shitty?

@WhatTiggersDoBest not once have I ever said I'm better than anyone.
I also had a c-section so tbh I don't know why you had to bring that into the mix

I didn't write this post to moan about breastfeeding or say how easy it is.
Everyone is making out like I said it's a walk in the park.
My point was (I clearly didn't make it obvious) is that there is people who struggle, find it hard and I feel like it shouldn't be made me big deal of. Some of the comments I mentioned in original post can make people feel shit if they are struggling or considering FF.

Honestly it's a no win both sides. I can't believe people even care if another women is using breast or bottle.

I used a bottle for both. Never tried feeding mine myself. The reason behind this was confidence and a mum who warned me never to do it as there's no need these days. She hates it and sadly she made it clear to me if I did it they'd all be judging me and talking about it. My dad would also freak out if I fed Infront of them. I had no desire to breastfeed after years of watching my mum freak out over it.

There are hundreds of reasons why people don't do it and that they do do it. It's the worst debate out there. People always feel they are being judged and people's rubbish opinions offend people on both sides. We have the generation of older men etc that don't like to see it. Theres alot of stuck in the past mother's like mine who had kids when formula was a godsend. She's nearly 70.

Do you know what annoys me? I've had two children. I had the loveliest midwife. Yet not once in my two pregnancies did she give me any information or offer me any information on bottle feeding an infant. Being the mum going down that route and feeling like Its the unspoken word made me feel like a naughty child. Every appointment she said please breast feed even for a week. What I think should happen is both options should be discussed. Because sterilising, making up feeds, getting the correct sized teats and storing formula etc should all be taught to a first time mum who may not know these things.

However you choose to feed your baby should not be a big judgey debate. All children thrive as long as they are fed. People's rude comments are unnecessary in 2019! X

I do compliment breastfeeding women (in a non patronising way) as I remember finding it tough at one point with my first and a positive comment made a huge difference. I fed both of mine until 1 but dont think I would have without little boosts of confidence every now and again

So you shouldn't support someone who is BFing? Bit confused what your issue is.

Breastfeeding can be so difficult people probably assume you've had to work hard to establish it. I think it can come across as a bit patronising but some people might need the encouragement. I breastfed for a year and I only had a few negative looks and comments (one woman actually said 'ugh' when my daughter kept unlatching for some reason!) Positive comments after things like that were greatly appreciated.

It really doesn't bother me...in fact it's been nice as my DH hasn't been all that supportive of breastfeeding. Our DS is 2 (nearly 27 months) and still feeding and I want it to end as I am 12 weeks pregnant now and never thought I'd feed this long.

All the help I get from DH is Its my fault for breastfeeding and just stop if I want...no support with helping consol or distract DS. My midwife and all the other health professionals being nice and complementary and gentle makes me realise that he's just a Dick, otherwise I would possibly seriously reconsider breastfeeding again.

I certainly don't find it patronising. In the early days we had some major issues on our journey, and had some very unhelpful comments from medical professionals too.

It's the very low rates of BF in the UK.

A midwife once complimented me and said it must be due to being Australian and being "a tougher breed" or something. So far from the truth that it really made me laugh for days!!

I get the same. Breastfeeding at 6 months and the comments don't make me miffed so much as disappointed that it's seen as something unusual. I told my health visitor I planned to breastfeed until at least a year and she was very surprised. I'll probably actually keep going until she's 2 because she has cmpa but won't be doing it in public after about a year because I'm wary of comments. I don't want people to look, or to comment, I just want to feed my child in peace without sticking out as "unusual"!

Not sure any one complimented me bf any of mine but pretty sure i would not have minded in the least

Next time someone says it, ask if they have children and how they fed theirs. I bet you anything they have a story to tell, either about struggling or enjoying bf.

Some of the comments I mentioned in original post can make people feel shit if they are struggling or considering FF.
What bollocks. How could telling someone they’re doing a great job, or saying well done, possibly make them feel anything other than a tiny bit proud of themselves? Find a real thing to worry about.

OP this is an issue that most mothers will have some emotional baggage over whether its remembering how hard and painful the early days were or angry about lack of support or guilt for whatever decision they made. What they say is more about their feelings about themselves rather than you.

You don't understand why it's a big thing?? Have you not read how these posts pan out? Breast feeding v formula feeding always causes a heated debate. You received a compliment, take it!! A lot of people can't breast feed, found it painful and difficult or like me didn't breast feed for their mental health and then get judgy comments on bottle feeding and disapproving looks when out
Enjoy your breast feeding journey but be mindful its a delicate subject to many people

Tell them you chew food and regurgitate into baby,s mouth. Tell them it's been scientifically proven to be the best method of baby feeding because cavemen did it. Tell them you especially like it because Daddy and grandparents can get involved too. face
Say this with a straight face, then see how they react...

I have a four day old and I'm about to give up because of my inverted nipples. I don't think you should.br annoyed by the compliments at all!!

Urgh... OP you sound like one of these petty breastfeeders/mumsnetters who will take anything anyone else says about breastfeeding as a dig or insult so you can have your 5 minutes and make a fuss...

Statistically it's unusual, so you will get comments and assumptions. I was 22 and BF exclusively, no weaning or formula, the first 6 months, I got lots of comments (especially over weaning- especially by older women who knew "better") but it's because it's unusual, own it and be proud, you're helping normalise it for young women. I was selected to become a BF counsellor in the hope it would help younger women, can't say it helped that much though ha.

To add I would always congratulate a woman who told me how long she BF for because I think it's an amazing achievement whatever the age, I struggled and I think it's little comments like that that can help support a woman, because you never know what she's getting at home "just give a bottle" "try baby rice" etc etc, so I would naturally always say well done.

My pet hate is the "are you STILL breastfeeding?". It gives me the rage and made me feel judged.

It's a no win situation.

I got similar comments many years ago, funny enough all my friends breastfed, and we all had kids in our 20's. I fed for 18 months a piece, it's so easy

Some of the comments I mentioned in original post can make people feel shit if they are struggling or considering FF That's a strangely negative way of looking at it. I breasted my first til 1 and I'm breastfeeding my 6 week old now. It's lovely to hear supportive comments! I joined a feeding group this time round because my partners mum and grandma have both made me feel bad about breastfeeding. They bottle fed and see me breastfeeding as not letting anyone else have a turn feeding! I also had them saying I'm clearly not making enough milk for her and would "have to" top up with formula. Which came out.of nowhere as she's growing perfectly well and is so content in between feeds! When she's hungry and one of them is holding her have to physically take her off them as they say "oh is she hungry AGAIN?" And even "I suppose you're wanting to feed her". It surprised me and upset me. Luckily my family would never comment like that and DP tells his family exactly what he thinks of their silly comments!

You just wait. First is this. Then if you are still feeding after 1 the comments go the other way.
I breastfed for 2.5 years and at the end you just ignore everyone.
Everyone has an opinion

Or most are just trying to make conversation because there is only so much you can talk about when it comes to babies and tots.

The only person who gave me negative comments was my mum and it was more about how long than me doing it. I cited the recommendations by the WHO and she said “what do they know?”. What do medical researchers and experts from around the world know? It was extremely easy to dismiss her.

I do recall my cousin warning me against it years before I had children because what it did to the look of HER breasts. I just couldn’t see that as a reason for not doing it. By that logic, I shouldn’t have had children due to what it could do to my body.

Breastfeeding can be hard. Even when it's established, the pain is gone and you're not spraying everywhere, it's demanding and it's very tying. Someone saying you've done well doesn't mean they're criticising someone who hasn't breastfed. I agree with a pp - I think you're just out to start a fight.

I think it's a bit intrusive to ask someone whether they're breastfeeding, it's really nobody's business. If it was someone I knew fairly well, I might ask "How's the feeding going?" which hopefully is open-ended enough for the possibility that they could be formula/breast/mixed feeding. Also lets them say "fine" if they don't want to discuss it or have a chat if they do!