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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be p*ssed off

39 replies

SquiggleyWiggly · 26/10/2019 21:08

Hubby has been invited to a wedding in Brooklyn US (we live in London, UK) two weeks after I'm due to give birth, in about 4 weeks time. He was actually thinking of going. Apart from the fact we can't afford it and I would potentially be left with a brand newborn and other DD to deal with on my own, plus I have numerous long term health issues I am always dealing with. AIBU to be really annoyed he was even thinking about it??

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 26/10/2019 21:11

I would be annoyed too. Don’t enter into an argument though. Just say not happening, end of and leave it at that.

CallmeAngelina · 26/10/2019 21:12

Of course not. What an idiot.

I presume you've put him right?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 26/10/2019 21:13

That would be a no from me too

Gillian1980 · 26/10/2019 21:14

Yanbu.

He shouldn’t even want to consider it in these circumstances.

Icecreambaby · 26/10/2019 21:14

Unless it is his childhood friend who he has known for decades, it won't be happening.

Sexnotgender · 26/10/2019 21:14

YANBU. Ridiculous to even be considering it.

AuntieMaggie · 26/10/2019 21:17

Good grief no yanbu. I'm sat here with a 10 day old and have a 6 year old - there's no way I could do without DP at the moment!

Original poster
SquiggleyWiggly · 26/10/2019 21:21

Thanks all, really appreciate the support xx

OP posts:
GettingABitDesperateNow · 26/10/2019 21:23

No way. I struggled with my husband going to a wedding for an evening 2 weeks after the birth when I was in the same position as you. I had to get my mum to help as i couldn't manage

CleopatraTomato · 26/10/2019 21:23

Honestly I would be fine with it. Andwas. DP was working abroad when DD was born. Came home for the birth and went back a week later. Samewith DS but he was in the same country just several hundred miles away.

Different from a wedding obvs but on my own all the same. Still it isn't me, it's you. Your DH, your decision how to handle it

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 26/10/2019 21:24

I was still in hospital two weeks after my due date. Hopefully that won't be the case for you and you'll have a lovely straightforward birth and a good recovery, OP. But these things are unpredictable. The fact that he even considered fucking off to the other side of the world at such a turbulent time and leaving you to deal with all the 'unknowns' is pretty outrageous.

Elieza · 26/10/2019 21:25

I don’t want to freak you out but if you have an emergency section you won’t be lifting the kettle to make tea or a bottle or anything.

You need help on standby just in case. Either a partner or if partner not around a friend/relative of you are a single mum. In your case you have a partner so I’d expect him to be there for you.

Especially after youve carried his baby for nine months. Cheeky bugger thinking he could sod off for a pissup.

Does he look after your other dc on his own regularly? Does he know how tiring that is? Perhaps he needs a reminder?

Drum2018 · 26/10/2019 21:27

Not a chance. I hope he now realises it's not happening.

MyNewBearTotoro · 26/10/2019 21:27

Obviously he can’t go, but he’s not necessarily unreasonable just because he thought about it. Sometimes it’s nice to imagine and plan something even if deep down you know it won’t be possible or won’t happen. It sounds like he’s accepted he can’t go when you’ve brought him back down to earth and pointed out he’ll be leaving you with a newborn and so in that case I think you’re being unreasonable to carry on being annoyed about it now he’s admitted he can’t go.

Sparklfairy · 26/10/2019 21:27

Not the point of the thread but isn't that really late notice for a wedding invitation? Especially one he would have to travel so far for? Did he know sooner than that and didn't tell you til now?

iamNOTmagic · 26/10/2019 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Farfromtheusual · 26/10/2019 21:32

YANBU. What if you're 2 weeks overdue? Surely he's not going to miss the birth to go to a bloody wedding?

HeyNotInMyName · 26/10/2019 21:41

You have no idea when you are going to give birth. It could well be later than planned which means it would be taking the risk of him going away when you’ve given birth a couple of days before Confused.

He is taking the piss even considering it.

ilovetofu · 26/10/2019 21:46

Yanbu

cakeandchampagne · 26/10/2019 21:49

YANBU!

TheCanyon · 26/10/2019 21:50

If it was you, would you think of going? I would THINK and probably daydream of going, yes, whether I did or another thing.

If it was his best mate, I'd absolutely encourage dh to go. As I did with dhs best friends stag when I was 10 days post partum with our dt's in scbu an hour away and 2 dc in nursery/school. He wanted to be home, I insisted he go, I knew he would regret it. Incidentally their wedding was nine days after the dt's got home, we had a cracking night.

Bluerussian · 26/10/2019 21:50

You're not at all unreasonable. He can't go and that's the end of it.

Duchessofealing · 26/10/2019 21:53

Surely it depends on who is getting married? If it’s someone really close then surely you both discuss and make the effort for him to be able to go, in as short a time frame as possible?

angell84 · 26/10/2019 21:57

Yabu.

Surely it is okay to THINK about going somewhere. He didn't go.

I think that your hormones are over reacting

Original poster
SquiggleyWiggly · 26/10/2019 21:59

I think my issue is that it didn't even occur to him about how difficult it would be before I pointed it out. Like has he forgotten what date I'm due? Is me giving birth and having a newborn so unimportant to him that the first thing he doesn't think of is how this would work for us as a family?
I get that he wants to go and I would have felt sorry for him/tried to find ways around it had he taken my circumstances into account.
Apparently he knew it was going to be in Brooklyn a while ago (he didn't tell me), but they did only just set the date.

OP posts: