Husband deleted messages, aibu?

[CuriousGeogie]

Going to drip feed a bit, bare with!
I was holding my son up to the window today looking at the rain and my husband pulled up outside, he didn't notice us but he got his phone out straight away whilst in the car and I could see he was deleting stuff off his phone. He has an iPhone so you just swipe across to delete stuff. So obviously I was suspicious.
When he got in I asked him what he was doing and he brushed it off saying I was deleting background apps, fair enough!

He put his phone on charge but put it on aeroplane mode, we share a charger so I could see it was on aeroplane mode. He left his phone at home and we went off to dinner.

So when we got home I asked him if I could check his phone because I felt uneasy with the above, he got all defensive, went outside to get something from the car and then came in and handed me the phone and said here check it.
He had conversations from friends loaded on Facebook messenger and then a group chat came up with him, 2 male colleagues and 2 female colleagues. I couldn't see the content but he said we're planning drinks for Christmas, but I'm suspicious to why he would delete the content before?
The female colleagues are 21 ish and he and the males are in there 30s. He was texting one of the females a couple of weeks ago so that's when my first suspicious arose. I've never checked his phone before then. He states the conversation with her was just banter and normal stuff.
Aibu to think more is going on here?

He's certainly behaving suspiciously. Who sits in their car to delete apps?

Just to confirm, he deleted the group chat off his history and whilst I was looking one of them had sent a message in the group chat so It popped up. I asked him why he deleted it and he said because it was just rubbish chat between themselves.

I would be a bit suspicious myself, I think. He seems quite cagey about it all.

I've never understood the whole deleting conversations thing. There isn't anything I wouldn't want my husband to see on my phone, and he feels the same way. All this hiding/deleting nonsense spells trouble.

The thing is now he is saying 'I'll just delete Facebook then, I just won't have any friends'.
I'm not one of them women who doesn't want him to have friends at all, he has a good social life.
But why delete the conversation off your phone? Why put your phone on aeroplane mode? I've never known him to put it on aeroplane mode, obviously he didn't want me to see any notifications ping through.

Why not just come home and say 'oh me and so and so at work have made a Facebook group because we want to go for drinks at Christmas'?

It does sound suspicious but I delete all my conversations too. Nothing to hide but I can't stand having a messy phone.

Sounds dodgy

'I'll just delete Facebook then, I just won't have any friends'.

For FUCK'S sake. And there it is... The false indignation and gaslighting.

'I'll just delete Facebook then, I just won't have any friends’

My ex said shit like that every time he was caught out cheating.

You're definitely not being unreasonable. He's clearly hiding something.

Yea this is suspicious to the maximum OP, right down to the OTT wounded party act. He’s up to something.

I put my phone on aeroplane mode to charge because it charges quicker. I think unless there is something else going on you’re being a little bit overbearing maybe?

You could try retrieving them, OP. I found this info, which I hope helps. Of course you’ll need to get access to his phone for a bit. You could always wait until he’s asleep and use finger finger print to open the phone. I know I’m going to get slated for this. 🤷‍♀️

www.wondershare.com/facebook/recover-facebook-messages-on-android.html

his response to your asking a simple question, is not proportionate. This in itself would raise red flags for me, he is over reacting to your asking.

I’m with @Legomanships if there’s something going on, you’ll have to wait it out, he’s not going to tell you. If there’s nothing going on, you’re just badgering him.
I get defensive if I’m being questioned and accused when I’m innocent. I also like to keep my texts in order and delete unnecessary stuff.

Not being unreasonable. It's ok to delete shit chats but not just one. It's ok to put your phone on charge on airplane mode but suspicious if you never normally do this. It's an odd time to delete apps in your car - normally youd think to delete them when you were in a waiting room or something or if you needed more space to download something or if it was running slowly. None of which apply when driving.

I think just one thing he could explain away but the 3 together would make me suspicious

For FUCK'S sake. And there it is... The false indignation and gaslighting

Totally agree, when I read that I automatically rolled my eyes.

I agree about the false indignation and gaslighting (as someone who was on the receiving end of that kind of shit for years).

Sorry OP I would suspect he's up to no good or at least thinking about it. All this crap these days about "banter". My foot. I don't have any advice on what to do though, keep an eye on things, it doesn't sound good though.

Thanks for clarifying I'm not being unreasonable. Now what do I do? Keep an eye out?

He has actually deleted his Facebook off his phone, is that textbook too?

I might be inclined to apologise to him, say you’re really sorry, don’t know what you were thinking etc etc... then hope his guard comes down and watch him like a hawk.

Trust your gut! My husband lied for two years about cheating, made me feel mad and mental, trust yourself!

I’m sorry to say this but please keep an eye on it. The first sign that my ex was taking to other women and getting close to them was suspicious phone behaviour. One of the first things I noticed was totally deleted conversations with a younger female work colleague. Soon after the phone never left his side, he even took it into the shower...

People who don’t have anything to hide don’t act like this. It doesn’t mean it’s an affair, btw - but perhaps a conversation he wouldn’t want you to see. Just a line crossed maybe.

Actually my main advice would be to do what is probably counterintuitive to you right now - listen to him. Be there for him. Love him. Because if you don’t, someone else will. Sorry, the experience of a divorced woman who got dumped for said younger colleague!!

The phone charges faster on airplane mode.