Husband deleted messages, aibu?

[CuriousGeogie]

Going to drip feed a bit, bare with!
I was holding my son up to the window today looking at the rain and my husband pulled up outside, he didn't notice us but he got his phone out straight away whilst in the car and I could see he was deleting stuff off his phone. He has an iPhone so you just swipe across to delete stuff. So obviously I was suspicious.
When he got in I asked him what he was doing and he brushed it off saying I was deleting background apps, fair enough!

He put his phone on charge but put it on aeroplane mode, we share a charger so I could see it was on aeroplane mode. He left his phone at home and we went off to dinner.

So when we got home I asked him if I could check his phone because I felt uneasy with the above, he got all defensive, went outside to get something from the car and then came in and handed me the phone and said here check it.
He had conversations from friends loaded on Facebook messenger and then a group chat came up with him, 2 male colleagues and 2 female colleagues. I couldn't see the content but he said we're planning drinks for Christmas, but I'm suspicious to why he would delete the content before?
The female colleagues are 21 ish and he and the males are in there 30s. He was texting one of the females a couple of weeks ago so that's when my first suspicious arose. I've never checked his phone before then. He states the conversation with her was just banter and normal stuff.
Aibu to think more is going on here?

It’s possible that he’s cheating. It’s also possible that he is not, but has a wife who spies on him through the window then demands to check his phone as soon as he comes home. Either way being defensive is the only likely reaction.

It’s clear you don’t trust him, so there is obviously a problem in the relationship, but I don’t know which of you is the problem. I don’t think asking to inspect someone’s phone is healthy or reasonable.

He's at it

The defensiveness is worrying.

However i delete messagers so i can keep better track of conversations. Say I've asked someone about venues, or for a phone number etc and then there's loads of chat. I delete the chat, so i don't have to scroll for ages to look for it.

It charges faster on airplane mode.

If he didnt take his phone out, why Did he go to the car before handing it over?

His reaction was over the top.

It seems OTT - and my husband does delete messages not long after getting them (from me and the kids too so it's not just certain ones) - it drives him nuts that my memory is full of saved random drunk conversations with the girls from years back - that didn't make much sense at the time

Well driving nuts is an exaggeration - he just doesn't see the point in not deleting uneccesary crap

He is clearly lying and trying to hide something.

You'll be on high alert now anyway...I would go in his phone again in few days/weeks...ask him to borrow the phone and catch him off guard

You asked to check his phone and the suddenly had to get something from the car? And then came back and gave you his phone?

Definitely deleting stuff he doesn't want you to see.

The only problem is now he knows you're suspicious he will try harder to cover up his tracks if he is up to no good

I found out recently that your iPhone records locations you’ve been to for a while, 30 days I think. Go to settings, location, maybe google it, I can’t remember exactly how to find the info. It’s stalker territory however, he is in potential cheating territory. I would rather have as much info as poss and ask him outright.

It does sound like if he's not cheating, he's looking to do so and behaving inappropriately with other women on his phone.

His overreaction and ridiculous behaviour after you questioned his quite obviously suspicious behaviour tells you this.

Sorry, OP. Good luck!

My ex had a go at me for supposedly flirting with a male friend, which I found baffling. I then found out he’d been seeing multiple other people. When your partner is saying things designed to make you feel bad for questioning him, such as ‘fine, I’ll have no friends’ when you haven’t even tried to force him to delete Facebook, that’s probably his way of trying to detract from his own suspicious behaviour with a supposed friend.