Rehoming dog

[littlepeaegg]

I feel utterly dreadful. I will try to shorten this so it doesn't take too long.

We have a dog which we got as a puppy three years ago, "Z". He is amazing and such a good dog. No issues at all.

We then decided to rescue a pup "O" a year ago. He didn't have the best start to life. He was ten weeks old when we took him home.

He is amazing, such a beautiful boy. Everything about him is great. Except he has MAJOR separation anxiety.

We paid for puppy classes, we have since paid for 1-1 behavioural training. Nothing has helped. We are prisoners in our own home.

If we leave the dogs; if we have a family night going out for a meal etc, we come home to pure destruction. I mean, carpet ripped up, sofa ripped up, doors chewed. It's on going.

We cannot crate train him, as we have been told by the Vet and behaviourist trainers that he will just harm himself.

We have exhausted every possible option.

The only option left is training him. But this is a very long process. The lady from Blue Cross came over yesterday to lay out our options.

The training will mean us staying in 24/7. He cannot he left alone at all.

We do not have family or friends near by. So we can't ask them to pop over to watch O if we need to pop out for anything.

The BC lady said if we were to leave him in this process, it would erase all the work previously. So he cannot be left alone at all.

Luckily my partner has his office at home so that is one positive. But he also works away. So if I get called out for work, and my partner is away, O would be left alone.

I just don't think we have the time to realistically do this training. The BC lady told us this isn't a quick fix, it can take years.

We have a son who is 8, we like to do things as a family and it's not always possible to bring the dogs. Our other dog Z is absolutely fine left alone for a few hours. So no issue there.

But is it fair for my son and as us as a family to now have to stay in constantly? Am I being unreasonable? Or has anyone else got any recommendations for us.

This is a HUGE thing, we have not made a decision yet. It's not being taken lightly either as we love O. But it's putting a huge stress on us as a family, and there is a lot of tension most of the time.

When we do go out, we are anxious and cannot relax as we know we are coming home to carnage.

We walk him daily, we make sure he has high value treat for when we do leave. We leave jumpers to smell is us, tele is on. Our other dog is here too.

The lady at BC has said if we did want to rehome, they do a direct home scheme. Where we would meet the potential new owners first, go for a walk with O etc and decide if we think O would benefit from them. The BC said this happens a lot with separation anxiety, as it's not a quick fix and is a very hard thing to train.

Any ideas? AIBU? Thank you x

Wheat2Harvest the dogs injure themselves by repeatedly hitting their heads on the crates or by frantically trying to dig themselves out. The first SA dog I ever saw had been found covered in blood from where it had cut its face open repeatedly banging its head on the crate the first time it had been left alone.

Crate training a standard dog is one thing. It usually takes a few days up to a few weeks and, for most dogs,if done correctly, is a smooth process.

Crate training a dog with SA while you are in the room can be a similar process but doesn’t mean that the dog will be OK if you leave the room/house. That is the whole point of SA, a dog which is happy in various situations with company becomes frantic in the same situations on his own.

I would listen to the behaviourist and not crate train. My dog had separation anxiety and he injured himself getting out the crate. We ended up giving up the hall to the dogs which meant that the floor and carpet were a mess from his destruction but preserved the rest of the house.

We had some therapy teaching the dog to just settle even when we were home as he was an anxious dog generally. We then gave a frozen filled bone everytime we left. Eventually the anxiety improved. We still had to re-home though because he was terrified of our toddler. It's not ideal but we found a lovely couple who had a much older child and he had a great life with them.

Don't be held hostage to a pet, I know you feel guilty but you also have to be realistic ultimately your child should be your priority.

@Wheat2Harvest dogs can definitely self harm in crates.

My dog got so upset he vomited, for example. I know others who have injured their mouths trying to chew through the bars and escape. Others have hurt their paws doing the same thing. Others get so anxious and upset they mess themselves, or chew their paws until they bleed, or rip their fur out.

Crate training is a real thing - you can't just shove a dog in a metal crate and expect it to be totally okay with it if they've never even seen or used one before

Our dog was the same unfortunately, he was such a wonderful dog and was so loved but did he destroy our home if he was left. Thankfully he loved the car, so if we had to go out DH would drop him off at his mums and pick him up later. We had him from a pup till he was PTS at 13, it was hard, but we found a way to manage, have never got another dog though, as they are such a massive commitment and heartbreaking when you lose them, not sure I could go through that again.

Shove it in a crate when you go out and see what happens. How on earth does a dog self harm in a crate? I wouldn't allow a dog to dictate how I live my life and nor should you. Some people have issues with crates being cruel and it might be this that is pushing the 'oh, he might harm himself' angle.

@Wheat2Harvest your ‘advice’ Is both ignorant and dangerous. I’ve know a dog strangle itself by forcing its head out through the tiny gap between the crate door and crate. It buckled the door, got its head out and the pressure from the door on its neck killed it. Dogs will also damage their teeth, rip off claws etc.

Imprisoning a phobic, traumatised Animal is not ‘training’ and if you think a dog has some master plan to ‘dictate’ your life you’re stupid.

Op I really appreciate your predicament. My elderly dog has developed seperation anxiety and it is worse at night. We've been doing behaviour modification and desensitized but it's not really taking effect. She can be ok for a few days then we have a bad day. Currently I have been up and down for 3 nights because she's trying to get behind the cupboards in the kitchen, hyper ventilating and drooling. Try as we have we cannot not go to bed. I had 2.5hrs sleep last night. My partner drives a crane and need to be rested for work. My dog is on fluoxetine, has a 3 mile walk at 6am and dog walker comes in the afternoon. Last night she was banging her head into the washer door and digging up the carpet outside the kids bedrooms. We used a gate to confine her to the kitchen but she's broken her teeth and nails on this. When we close it she pants and shakes. Its making my anxious and I can't sleep for worrying about what she's doing. My dog is almost 10 and I have posted for advice before. I'm going to make an appointment for this week but it's come to the end of the line realistically.

Do what is right for you as well as the dog.

You sound woefully unequipped to have adopted a lurcher. They are dogs for dog people. They need training and serious walks. Why aren’t people more sensible with their choice of dog breed. And another dog suffers through human ignorance!

@Lighteninginabottle27

An Elderly dog with night time anxiety is MUCH more likely to have canine cognitive decline (dementia) rather than straightforward separation anxiety, which is probably why the training isn’t working - your dog’s brain is physiologically unable to ‘learn’
A medicine called Selgian can be very helpful

Roughly where are you OP? Perhaps someone can recommend a daycare or sitter?

Also, have you tried a thundervest? Alongside the other techniques to comfort O?

www.petsathome.com/shop/en/pets/thundershirt-the-best-solution-for-dog-anxiety?gclsrc=aw.ds&&cm_mmc=&ito=GAG76079141657&itc=GAC381724214152&itkw=thundershirt%2520for%2520dogs&itaexid=&itawnw=search&itawmt=e&itadvc=m&gclid=CjwKCAjwo9rtBRAdEiwA_WXcFppxfNUHc1w8oRLfFUBzooYsO6JKqeym38FquzoAvyDsJUpwCUr3ohoCQgcQAvD_BwE

Madmutt goes to daycare and stays with friends if we are going out, she loves it. She has lots of little doggy pals. Our daycare is her walker who is lovely and she goes to her house, worth investigating.

@vet thank you for your reply. She was put to sleep this morning. I am heartbroken but at the same time a little relieved that the constant managing her behaviour is over. She didn't seem to respond to training behaviour based approaches. I have seen 3 different vets and not one has mentioned that medication.

@Lighteninginabottle27 sorry about your dog. She was lucky to have found such a caring owner and had the best life she could have. Look after yourself x

@littlepeaegg separation anxiety is awful isn’t it. My dog “gained” it when we moved house. All of a sudden she would tear up the carpet when left alone. I bought a camera to see what she was doing (and if anything was triggering it) and it broke my heart. I would have panic attacks if I couldn’t get home just after her doggy daycare dropped her off.

We had to “reset” using clomicalm, which helped a lot. Now we have to pay through the nose for a prolonged doggy day care.

Your situation sounds like it’s worse than ours, but do consider mixing the training with medication. I wish you all the best with it. It’s so horrible to think of them being stressed when they’re alone.

@Lighteninginabottle27
Take care, it’s such a difficult time, she was lucky to have such a caring owner

And another dog suffers through human ignorance!

ODFOD. It's also the duty of the charities offering the dogs for adoption to clarify with the potential adopters what looking after a dog will entail. Lurchers also don't often need "serious walks" as you put it. Stop talking out of your arse, and stop trying to deliberately be nasty to the op for whatever odd reason you've decided to do it.

You sound woefully unequipped to have adopted a lurcher. They are dogs for dog people. They need training and serious walks

I'm not sure if that is the funniest thing or the scariest thing I have ever heard. The rescue I used to work for specialised in lurchers. Trust me when I say, apart from Greyhounds, lurchers are the laziest dogs alive. They'd probably have a literal panic attack at the mere suggestion of regular 'serious walks'. And I do mean a literal panic attack. Sighthounds are the snowflake of the canine world. Anyone whose ever stepped on or nudged a sighthound's toe can attest to this.

SA is common in sighthounds (did I mention they are precious little snowflakes?) and they can have a high prey drive but other than that they're pretty bomb proof and are generally considered to be ideal first dogs.

I really wish people wouldn't post on threads like this when they don't have the first clue what they are talking about.

The only option left is training him. But this is a very long process.

Ffs. You chose to get him. So now you need to look after him. Including training him.

You seem to think that because you’ve paid for this and paid for that, that you can justify rehoming him by telling yourself that you’ve exhausted all options. . No, you’ve exhausted all the easy options. Stay home more. Find someone who will stay with your dog for those all important ‘cinema trips and bites to eat.’ Just get on with training him, like you’ve been advised. You can’t just get rid of a dog when things get a bit tough.

Zombie thread. Why have you resurrected this?!

When you said he had a bad start in life, I thought you were going to say you got him when he was five. But you have had him since he was ten weeks old! Of course you could have crate trained him and otherwise trained him. Why are you only thinking of training him after a year. 😡. You have caused the issues he has now, not his “bad start”.

If you do get rid of him, which frankly sounds like you will because you don’t want to curtail your last minute outings for a few months, please don’t ever get another dog.

Zombie thread

We had this problem for about 3 years before our rescue got better about our (specifically my) leaving.

We had destruction as well, and I used to pay a local teenager to come and sit with him when we all went out, and I also used to use an adaptil plug in which made all the dogs floppy and relaxed.

One day I noticed that he was ok if I went shopping and worked out that if I left with shopping bags under my arm when I came home all was good. He must have made the link between the bags and that I would only be gone a short while and would come back. Once I had that little hook, I built on it until eventually he was fine but it still took about 3 years in total.

It's soul destroying but I couldn't have sent him back.. It would have proved that his anxiety was right and he would have been broken. No one else would have taken him on.

We cannot crate train him, as we have been told by the Vet and behaviourist trainers that he will just harm himself.

And does he? Until you have tried you don’t know.

Zombie thread

I missed that too, why do people resurrect threads after a year. 🙄

Would you have space for a dog playpen? Fair bit bigger than a crate and while it doesn’t have a top a large piece of mdf or similar will make it safe.

Dogs and MN is a wanker combination.