To want long dark hair...

[Whatdoyouexpect]

in my mid-fifties?

I always had long hair, naturally very dark brown. I dyed it over the years as it got greyer. Got sick of root touch-up and decided to 'embrace my grey' and become a silver sister.

So 20 months on it's just touching shoulder-length. Yesterday I had a few low and highlights put in and a semi-perm colour to give it a slightly brown cast but really still looks grey.

I have given it a really good go. People say it looks 'better' and more age-appropriate etc.

But I DO NOT FEEL LIKE ME!!

I feel like I am wearing someone else's hair. People's attitudes definitely alter when they glimpse grey hair which has made me feel down about myself.

I think it's a combination of it being short (compared to length before which was to middle of back) and also the colour. I may feel better when it's longer, even if it was still grey but it's a slow process.

I really would rather go back to the faff of root cover and touch-up and be dark again, not as dark as before, but a lightish, warm-brown.

The other options is regular visits to hair salon for foils to put some colour back. I did it yesterday - very expensive and three hours long and not enjoyable.

I think it's more important I feel right, like myself, than look 'better and age-appropriate but no one seems to agree which is making me really uncertain.

What do you think?

I think you should do what makes you feel happy. Really nobody elses opinion matters. Its your hair

Wasn't a choice to go this short, btw. I had already had quite a lot chopped but still fairy long. I asked hairdresser for a style that was average shoulder-length and she cut it 4 inches shorter - no exaggeration here - than I asked.

I was criticised for trimming and colouring myself but at least I felt in control. I would not trim it myself now, though.

I’m 57 and have long dark hair. I don’t have much grey but colour the patch I do have. I’m keeping my hair don’t care who seems it inappropriate.
Do whatever you prefer.

This is meant kindly OP...but it's your hair, do whatever you want with it to make you feel good 🤷‍♀️. Really, nobody else matters (or cares, honestly).

I think it's tricky if it's too dyed too dark-so that it's too much of a contrast with your skin as it could be quite witchy and ageing I think (and i'm saying that as someone with long dark hair) but yes I think go back to being dark - possibly a bit lighter really dark hair can be quite ageing.

But you're not old! And confidence is so important to how good you look.

I'm late 40s and have no grey yet at all and naturally very dark hair and mediterranean colouring) (from my greek dad) and am planning at some stage to go dramatically silver/grey. But not yet!

Of course you should go for it! The more interesting question is: what's making you question your decision in the first place?

"question is: what's making you question your decision in the first place?*

I agree - I need to give that some thought.

Go for it - dye it brown if you want. I went grey a few years back, I’m 50 and have long salt and pepper hair. Basically because I can’t be bothered to dye it anymore , but I know it’d look better if I did. Still not enough of an incentive for the faff though for me!

Did you decide to go grey after some big change or trauma? Maybe you're subconsciously worried it's about "regressing".

I met someone I know through dog walking just yesterday - she has lovely shoulder length wavy hair which is silver naturally - I’ve always admired it and told her so - she amazed me by saying she is really fed up of it - mine is nearly shoulder length and all shades of salt ‘n pepper at the roots with highlights lower down . Personally I’d give a lot to have naturally silver hair - I think it looks fabulous . I’m trying to grow mine out hoping it will come through lighter but no luck so far . Like you I was very dark .
I’d be too scared of coloring mine myself tbh - you are brave !
It’s a shame you have had negative attitudes to the grey . Personally I think it’s much more stylish to embrace it . I’ve known girls in their 20’s go silver - you may feel it’s fine with a “young” face but not a more mature one .
By the way I left the dog walking lady a lot happier than when we first met . I made her promise not to dare have her hair cut or coloured as she looked fabulous . She decided on a trip to our local department store for a make up session instead .
In your case a block colour in light brown you do yourself may not be as flattering as you might think . I’d grow it first and see how you feel then . In my case as most days seem to be bad hair days And the weather is colder the old woolly hat is back on when I’m out !

Stuff what's "age appropriate" OP. Dye it all brown and then get some nice good quality hair extensions put in while you grow it out. Instant fix to get you back to where you feel like you.

I'm 48, and I always had thin, wispy, crappy chin-length hair. I now have long, thick-and-lush looking, whooshy, swishy, fabulous chocolate-coloured hair thanks to amazing hair extensions. First time in my life that I've had long hair and I feel FABULOUS. I couldn't give one shiny hoot whether I look age appropriate or not!

It’s a shame you have had negative attitudes to the grey . Personally I think it’s much more stylish to embrace it . I’ve known girls in their 20’s go silver - you may feel it’s fine with a “young” face but not a more mature one

I agree some people look amazing but I think it's generally people who are well-groomed and sleek or have the right, pale, cool skin tone. I am neither of these. I just feel unkempt and scruffy. I can see woman looking at my hair and you can almost read what they are thinking:

Some - god why doesn't she dye her hair?
Some - that looks nice - I wonder if I could stop dyeing mine?
Some - she's brave

Lol!

I think the reality is I AM NOT STYLISH. I am a bed-headed, tangly, wild-haired girl of the moors who's just 'washed and gone' most of her life.

Obviously, you can get away with that when you are younger, but at this age, it just looks scruffy but that is exactly the sort of person I am and it will not change just because my outer shell is changing.

At the moment I have a beatiful, swishy, silky bob, neat and tidy, because it was salon-styled yesterday. But it's not me.

I’m in my sixties. I’d probably give someone a black eye if they told me my hair was ‘age appropriate’ whatever that means. 😂

(Disclaimer. I’m joking for those with a sense of humour bypass.)

I get you OP. I think this grey silver hair thing looks good when you're channeling Christine Lagarde or are generally on trend and/or stylish but I know the kind of look you have as it sounds like me - grey hair in that context tends to look hippieish. If you're not comfortable with looking hippieish then dye it!

I have long dark hair and I'm fifty.

One of my friends is fifty five, she has let her hair go grey, but while ago got it dyed brown again, I can honestly say it took about a decade off her.

Its all fun and games until you're tugging it out of the shower trap.

@Bluntness100 I think the grey DOES look good, I just think dyed hair done properly DOES make you look better.

I have a friend in her thirties and she decided to fuck it off and leave her hair to go grey. She also chopped it all off short. She does talk about how liberating it all is but honestly I do think it looked so much better when it was longer and coloured. It's not in trend to think that but it's my view. She looks a decade older than she is.

I dont see it as "well men dont have to so why should we?". I see it as we have the social acceptance to do this (same with makeup) and feel it's a shame for men that they dont. Men used to have the wigs and finery and makeup too. Now if they go grey at 22 or have bad skin they're stuck with looking how they naturally look. Not very fun.

I'm at the same stage as you. I decided to tone down my blonde highlighted hair to a natural base and allow my grey hairs to grow. Six months later, I looked an absolute mess!!! I didn't feel like myself. I ended up back at the salon and asking for a few blonde hairlights again. Wish I was brave enough to shave it all off and start again.

There was a debate on here a few months ago similar to this, like most convos on MN, it got quite heated

Grey hair is ageing and that's a fact. It may be 'natural' but I don't get a toss, I want to look good, not old. I'm mid forties and am lucky to only have the odd grey hair but when I do go grey, I will be dyeing it back to the colour it is now.

Just don't go too 'out of a box' dark brown, the colour that Katie Price used to be. It's as equally ageing as grey hair and v harsh even on younger skin.

@gwackywacky

I dont see it as "well men dont have to so why should we?". I see it as we have the social acceptance to do this (same with makeup) and feel it's a shame for men that they dont

My DH has his greys dyed at the hairdressers every 5 weeks, the stylist told him loads of guys do it! He looks so much younger and hotter with his 'original' hair colour. The grey washed him out

"She cut it 4 inches shorter than I asked "!.This is the exact reason I stopped going to the H/D several years ago . H/D seem to suffer from professional deafness! Maybe in time do your own hair again? Apart from anything else who has time to spend 3 hours having a colour ? Some of the home colour kits are especially for grey hair, and are very gentle. What did you say to her about cutting so much off?!

My own hair is quite grey and I use a soft shade of blonde colour ,All I have had is compliments and "who does your hair " um "yours truly"!

I can’t bear ‘age appropriate’ style comments. Plenty of women look fabulous with long hair of any hue into their nineties. The most stylish women I know are an artist with long white hair and a woman who gets my tube with a bleached skinhead. They are both about 60 and wear dungarees, head scarves, leather trousers, high heeled blue boots - they are my style icons because they clearly do not GAF. Go for it OP - ignore the bores!

What did you say to her about cutting so much off?

This wasn't the hairdresser yesterday, it was a home hairdresser a few months back. I actually had the picture to look at in front of her yet she still cut it much shorter. I truly did't see the point of saying anything as it was too late by that point. It's gone. I did feel, when I bent my head forward for that first cut that it felt too short but....she must know what she's doing, right?