To want long dark hair...

[Whatdoyouexpect]

in my mid-fifties?

I always had long hair, naturally very dark brown. I dyed it over the years as it got greyer. Got sick of root touch-up and decided to 'embrace my grey' and become a silver sister.

So 20 months on it's just touching shoulder-length. Yesterday I had a few low and highlights put in and a semi-perm colour to give it a slightly brown cast but really still looks grey.

I have given it a really good go. People say it looks 'better' and more age-appropriate etc.

But I DO NOT FEEL LIKE ME!!

I feel like I am wearing someone else's hair. People's attitudes definitely alter when they glimpse grey hair which has made me feel down about myself.

I think it's a combination of it being short (compared to length before which was to middle of back) and also the colour. I may feel better when it's longer, even if it was still grey but it's a slow process.

I really would rather go back to the faff of root cover and touch-up and be dark again, not as dark as before, but a lightish, warm-brown.

The other options is regular visits to hair salon for foils to put some colour back. I did it yesterday - very expensive and three hours long and not enjoyable.

I think it's more important I feel right, like myself, than look 'better and age-appropriate but no one seems to agree which is making me really uncertain.

What do you think?

I am 52 and I have long dark hair. I have no intention of changing that for some time to come. I colour it myself.

If you want dark hair go for it :)

The thing about guys dying their hair is there always comes a time it looks too dense and unnatural for some reason, it looks clearly dyed. I've seldom seen an older man where it's done well.

Maybe it's because we are more used to it, and as much I have seen bad dye jobs on women, it seems every man over a certain age who has a total dye job it doesn't look good, in my opinion.

I am 57 and my dark hair is halfway down my back. I am not going grey anytime soon - I have to do my roots every 3 weeks but it's worth it to me. I don't want to have short hair as I find long hair so much easier to manage. If it looks a bit scruffy I can just put it in a bun or ponytail. Another vote for doing what you want!

I find long hair so much easier to manage

Yes, long hair is so much easier. My hair would be healthier because I would not have to style it or dry it or straighten it, just leave it to dry naturally.

I’m 50 with long shiny thick healthy hair. I’m have long layers and my hair is mid brown. The sun gives me natural highlights. My hair is at my bra strap. Any longer doesn’t look right. Every 5 weeks I have my roots coloured, one shade lighter than I naturally am. I have very, very little grey, just a tiny bit under my fringe. My friends can’t see when I need my colour done but I can. I’ve learnt to keep it long, shiny and brown at 50 is to not colour at home and not go too dark.

I'm mid-sixites and I don't recognise my own hair in the mirror. I look at DD2's waist-length, straight, thick, glossy, auburn hair and feel like asking for it back - it was mine!

I started with the odd great hair at only 17 but she's taking after DH's side and they don't go grey until their 70s.

I love my silvery grey and it's much admired but it just doesn't look like me. I used to dye, tint, highlight and whatever from my 40s but it was never the same. 😥

Grey, not great. It's never great...

She looks a decade older than she is. That itself is a problem. Why should looking older than you are be perceived as a bad thing? There's nothing inherently wrong in being older. The only reason we feel looking old is bad is that as a society we have such a low opinion of older people, particularly women.

she looks a decade older than she is. That itself is a problem. Why should looking older than you are be perceived as a bad thing? There's nothing inherently wrong in being older. The only reason we feel looking old is bad is that as a society we have such a low opinion of older people, particularly women

This is true, it shouldn't be perceived as a bad thing.

But I can truly say - it is only 18 months since I had very long dark hair - my face has not changed that much. Yet I am treated very very differently. They don't look at my face, they just see short grey hair and think 'old lady' and mentally erase me from their field of vision.

I won't lie and say it doesn't bother because it does - it happens constantly. I'm already anxious about my appearance and this has just put the top hat on it.

It's not the grey hair that's wrong, it's our societies attitude towards it but I'm not out to change the world - I just want to feel nice again.

I think it's more important I feel right, like myself, than look 'better and age-appropriate but no one seems to agree which is making me really uncertain

Who the fuck is “no one” and why are they even getting a say in the matter?

I have had alopecia since my late teens and if my hair were to grow back tomorrow (it won’t), I’d dye if whatever colour(s) I wanted and to hell with anyone else’s views on the subject.

Just do it,

Butchyrestingface

That's very tough on you. I hope I have not offended you.

@MereDintofPandiculation
I dont agree. Its biological to want to look younger, we equate youth with health and by looking young we can kind of pretend to ourselves that we are immortal 😊 Plus I'm not advocating trying to look younger than you are. I'm saying its nice to look your age.

Today I got my greys balayaged into touch. Basically my hair looks like it did before the greys became an even sprinkling. It looks more like 'my hair' now even if my actual hair has a grey sprinkle throughout. I'm happier with it thats all that matters.

things that are ageing:

thick slap
hair dyed too dark (basically just check out the ballerina in the Boots skin care ad who looked 10 years older than she is)
the 'recently thumped' expression as seen on all models caused by the lip fillers
and a sulky face as also seen on all models

grey hair isn't ageing. Looking your age isn't a bad thing. Stand up straight and smile.

RuffleCrow, that sounds really nice.

I did feel, when I bent my head forward for that first cut that it felt too short but....she must know what she's doing, right? Not if you had to bend your head forward, no! I'm not a hairdresser, I've only had a couple of evening classes and even I know you don't get someone with long hair to bend their head forward to cut it. You get them to look straight ahead and you stand in the same place to make sure the sides and back match each other.

FWIW I've also toyed with letting the grey grow through. Some people look amazing with it grey, some don't. I think it depends on your style, your face shape and skin colour etc, just like any other hair colour.

I'm not well groomed enough to wear grey hair with grace, I would just look scruffy and unkempt. Which is annoying as it would be so much easier. I've opted for a slightly lighter shade than my previous black, just in the hope that the grey roots wouldn't stand out so much, but tbh I still don't look like 'me' and I'll probably go back to black!

Just have the hair you want, you don't need to look age appropriate or anything, you just need to be happy with it.

I say have the hair you want. Just because you're a certain age doesn't mean you should have short grey hair.
I'm 45 and currently trying to grow my hair. Personally I won't go dark as I'm the wrong colouring and it really doesn't suit me. I will keep having it highlighted.

I am 48yrs old with long brown hair , and like you am fed up with constant root control. However I started going white in my 20s so would be completely white if I stopped dying. I've gone much lighter but as my eyebrows and eyelashes are still naturally black, I think I would look strange ( and old!) if I go white. I got some caramel lowlights put in which lightens the overall look, but I still look like me. I noticed Kate, Duchess of Cornwall has gone lighter, and I suspect she is battling dreaded grey hair, but of course she has hairdressers at hand daily, to ease the burden! So my advice is go back to brown, but lighten it up.

I went grey, hated it, went back to a light brown, much better. I looked like a ghost with grey hair.

That's very tough on you. I hope I have not offended you

Not in the slightest.

I just think, if you want it, go for it! You’re a long time dead.

you don't get someone with long hair to bend their head forward to cut it.

Wow! Of course! I never thought of this. I had been trimming my own ends for so long I suppose I didn't have that comparison. She was very good up to that point but then again, I had only ask her for a straight forward trim previously, no layering or styling.

I've gone much lighter but as my eyebrows and eyelashes are still naturally black

Yes my eyebrows are naturally black and the hair at the front it is white!
It just looks so 'harsh'.

I think it's safe to say I am going to start colouring it again. I feel so much better after the responses on this thread.

your hair your rules. sod what anyone else thinks.

I'm 49 and really white just at the front/top but nobody can tell. I henna at home every 6 weeks or so, its bra strap length, shiny reddy brown and gets lots of compliments. I used to go for salon colouring but the cost every few weeks was obscene and my hair was over processed and dry so I stopped and went grey, but looked haggard so experimented with henna. Honestly my hair and scalp have never been healthier since I started using it, the root regrowth isn't such a harsh line either.