Should I supply food for 18mo when my ex is looking after her for the weekend??

[ZubinB]

Briefly:
My ex and I share 2 kids - 7yo boy and 18mo baby. We have been split for a year and are pretty amicable, he gives me a generous amount of CM per month.
He doesn't have the kids that often - certainly not every other weekend - more the odd evening here and there, few days in holidays, or one child over night, without the other. Basically I am responsible for 99% of the 'childcare'.
So I am taking the 7yo away for the night and he has the little one for 2 nights. He asked (in an expectant fashion) if I was providing food for her over the weekend.
Should I be?? He did once have them for a whole week over the Summer Holidays and took £150 off my CM for that month.
Does receiving a decent CM per month mean you are expected to cover sustenance for 365 days of the year??

He has his mum coming down to 'help' for the weekend, so I'm confident she will eat well with her being there! Otherwise, I probably would send supplies.
It's so frustrating tho - and such a luxury for him to never have to worry about his kids not being looked after properly.

Give him a fiver. What a twat.

Oh god I despair of useless exes.

Although I think if I was worried about the care of my child e.g. being fed grapes I’d provide food just to keep her safe.

What an arse your poor children having a dad that hardly sees them and when he does he expects dinner money for them

He earns 60K and expects you to provide food?
Is it really about the £ or does she need specific foods that he might not have.

You are not lucky he provides for his children, that's exactly how it should be. Fortunate maybe, that's he's not one of the tens of thousands of fathers who pay NOTHING.

And honestly I’m sick of NRP feeling like god if they’ve paid a fraction of the costs.

I know this maintenance is more than most - but it’s not even the cost of both in full time wrap around child care so you can work.

Then there is your loss of wages, loss of pension.

And then the mortgage for two extra bedrooms.

It’s really not extraordinary an amount. We RP accept and tolerate such low amounts.

You should contact CMS and have direct pay set up

Ha ha ha. Have you any idea just how hard that is?

In the interest of not rocking the boat, I’d supply a few snacks, not meals. I wouldn’t want to get into the hassle of him being funny about maintenance payments, or starting to ask you to provide food for the dog etc.
Pick your battles, I guess. But he sounds like a bit of a dick

Ha good luck - mine reckons I should pay for his food, school dinners on his days, any activities he does with him, all school uniforms, shoes etc all because he gives me a measly £22 a week!

If grandma is coming for the weekend does she have to bring her own meals too or is it just his DD that is considered on a par with a dog?

Just no.

CFer

Yep! Any savings I had have all but disappeared since we split, trying to make ends meet - it was so hard finding a place to rent with 2 kids whilst on benefits. Meanwhile he has just bought a house, having spent a year at his mum's 'saving for a deposit'...
I'd rather have the kids tho! Xx

ha ha yes I actually really do.

But until more people put pressure on CMS to set up direct pay, they won't do anything. They claim they aren't aware that Collect and Pay isn't working for people.

(and I'm not naive, I know how hard it will be to effect change in this area).

I'd send her 1st meal with her, and a list of foods she normally eats.

With directions to his closest supermarket.

I MO he should be feeding his own child.

Isn't it more likely he was checking you weren't going to be bringing anything so he was sure what to buy when he does the food shopping? Surely he wasn't asking you to provide her meals for the weekend?

Op I receive £2350 a month for two children from my ex. Don’t feel slightest bit embarrassed. My ex has the children 4-5 nights a month.

He buys clothes for them to have at his, and all food and entertainment.

Going against the grain yes I would not to rock the boat. (£800 my ex pays 0)

If he isn't used to having her then he won't know how much of what she eats. Just explain at this age they eat anything he and his DM eat every with no hot chillies, so he can just include her in their meals. Maybe describe some example meals she likes to him and his DM, then leave them to it. Obviously you aren't breastfeeding, but he probably needs to know how much whole milk she needs and how much food to expect her to eat. While you'd hope he'd look it up, as he seems a bit useless a link to toddler food charts is useful, toddlers eat a lot more carbs and fat than people might think.

No of course not.

But then I'm also of the mind that they shouldn't be sent with a packed bag of clothes and other supplies - that the other parent should have sufficient pjs nappies etc for their time. Fair enough if the kids want to bring a favourite toy or two back and forth but otherwise nope - the other parent is on duty with all that entails.

Going off topic but this is a effed up way of thinking and puts more kids in awkward positions then needs be

I can’t get over the fact that he asked you whether you would be providing food for a child that is also his! What the actual hell. He can’t feed his own child?!

If you use the calculator put in the average nights he had them they take off money for food clothing at his house etc