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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend my children’s birthday money on them?

53 replies

Horcrux · 25/10/2019 10:04

My children receive money from GPs for birthdays and christmases, but because I often use my money for days out and stuff they end up wracking lots of cash in their drawers.

They’re 6 & 10.

This last half term I have been using their cash to pay for days out for them. Otherwise we’d just be stuck in the house as I can’t afford it!

I feel so guilty! So hoping you guys will tell me it’s okay! 😬

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 25/10/2019 14:02

I think it's fine as long as you tell them that the day out was their birthday present from their GPs (or whoever)

I agree. Great use of the money.

Sunnyuplands · 25/10/2019 14:04

Yes if course but I'd also get some into saving accounts for them ?

Original poster
Horcrux · 25/10/2019 14:06

Fab!! Thanks!!

Yeah, I sometimes tell them that it’s their money I’ve used, but other times I haven’t. I don’t tell the gifters what the money is going towards as they’re pretty flippant with money and not too bothered what it’s spent on.

They both have savings accounts too which gp’s add too. This money is ‘extra’ according to them, to spend in the now. Which is nice as it gives my dc ownership and they love to count it.
But this week in half term they’ve wanted to go to the zoo, which costs £70 to get in for the 3 of us. They have more money in their drawers than I do in my bank account (freely to spend), so used that to pay for entrance fee.

OP posts:
Applesanbananas · 25/10/2019 14:06

Yanbu it's on Mn that I've seen this attitude towards money given to children. If the alternative is sitting at home for the holidays because you cant afford to do stuff otherwise then it's a no brainer that you should use the money. You dont need MN to tell you that.

Original poster
Horcrux · 25/10/2019 14:08

@SilverySurfer it’s really annoying as I’ve asked gp to just put all cash in to the savings accounts, but they do and also give them cash for spends... usually £100. It’s not so easy to but in to savings as we are nowhere near a bank.

OP posts:
Original poster
Horcrux · 25/10/2019 14:09

Thanks @Applesanbananas, I don’t need mn to tell me anything, I just need it justifying to myself 😂

OP posts:
Sunnyuplands · 25/10/2019 14:09

My dc have nationwide books, they don't get lots of money, maybe... 50 very rarely here and there and I add 30 a month.

They have a few hundred in and I'm encouraging them to enjoy watching it jump up when we get the books updated every now and then... This will be their learning how to handle money, ready for their isas.. Which they get full control over at 18 which have a few grand in.

So id never have it sat in draws.

Put some aside for your days out which enrich life but cost fortune... Then bank the rest and going forward... Add small amount to going out pot and add rest to their books!! Win win.

Sunnyuplands · 25/10/2019 14:13

Oops long cross post there!!

What sort of saving accounts for the dc?

Are you well off op?

Do they have isas? Cash or stocks?

Without a doubt dint feel guilty about spending on days out, can buy buy annual passes?

I'd probably save up for Disney annual pass and stay off site... Then you can go the cheapest way and go a few times in one year, or merlin pass?.zoo pass or save it for somewhere utterly magical like the theme park efteling?

But I'd still separate it out and keep it for more savings accounts for them who can have enough?

You can bank it when you do get to a bank..

NoSquirrels · 25/10/2019 14:23

I think you should discuss it with them every time.

Next time they count it up, say "That's a lot of money, what are you planning to spend it on?" and go from there.

It teaches good budgeting skills, if nothing else.

My 10 year old would be horrified if they thought I'd spent their money without asking them. Because they may have decided that the zoo wasn't their heart's desire after all...

Sunnyuplands · 25/10/2019 14:26

On other hand is flooding small children with lots of money a good idea? Mine are below 10 and I'd like them to appreciate a fiver, 10 or 20 in a card.. Rather than be wallowing in hundreds!!

FishCanFly · 25/10/2019 14:32

With a 6yo maybe ok, but careful with a 10yo - they might need that cash to save up for a bike, laptop or some other pricey item.

Original poster
Horcrux · 25/10/2019 14:40

They both have isas that I set up when they were born, plus additional accounts that I try to put their birthday money in to but it’s such a pain as nearest bank is 45 mins away

OP posts:
Blackbear19 · 25/10/2019 14:55

Op totally fine but be transparent about it.

The biggest tweek I'd make to your spending is rather than you buying all days out at beginning of the year and them later in the year.
Tell they to pay half of every ticket. So they understand every day out has to be paid for.

Original poster
Horcrux · 25/10/2019 15:00

Fab idea @blackbear

OP posts:
LaPufalina · 25/10/2019 15:04

My nearest bank isn't far, but when mine get birthday or Christmas cash I sometimes keep it for my own usage (hairdresser takes cash!) and transfer into their savings the same amount from my bank account. Saves taking cash out, too.

Itsallpetetong · 25/10/2019 15:33

Yeah, I sometimes tell them that it’s their money I’ve used, but other times I haven’t

So you tell them they are having a day out and they are paying for it rather than asking if they would like to spend some of their money on a day out?
My 10 year old would be horrified if they thought I'd spent their money without asking them. Because they may have decided that the zoo wasn't their heart's desire after all...
Agree with pp, regardless of other savings, it’s their money.
Curious, do you pay for your own part of the entry fee?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 25/10/2019 16:38

This is why I no longer gift cash to children.

It’s their money. One thing for them to ask to spend it going to x, assuming the adults pay for them, but not ok to use as without their knowledge or on something the adult chooses.

Original poster
Horcrux · 25/10/2019 16:55

They asked and wanted to go to the zoo. I couldn’t afford it so paid with money they had been sent from gp in both sides for half term spends. £20 each, £10 from each set of gp. So £40 of their money, which tbh they never knew they had as it was given directly to me. I paid £30 of my own cash for entrance fee. Then they both bought a gift from the shop with their own money, which they knew about.

I had been considering reimbursing them when I get paid, but not sure... hence the post

OP posts:
hoxt · 25/10/2019 16:58

I think you spent it how grandparents intended 😊

IWillJustKeepQuietThen · 25/10/2019 16:59

I brought my dd an annual pass for a theme park type place with her birthday cash. It was 150..well she's I theory free. So got mine with it.. As at 19m. She can't go in on her own 😂. And it's somewhere only I'd go with her.
We go every week,
Sometimes just an hour sometimes all day.
If raining theres indoor play which is a bonus. Free parking 15 min drive

Best thing i did. Much to sil disgust that dd is free to get in and I'm buying it for me.. Wouldn't understand that she can't go without me lol

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 25/10/2019 16:59

If you can afford to reimburse them I’d do so. If not then no big deal.

IWillJustKeepQuietThen · 25/10/2019 17:02

@Horcrux
You say your bank is far away.. Most post offices allow you to pay into a bank via the counter.
With ds one he doesn't have a card. So I pay Into mine or dh ( lloyds or HSBC) and then online payment into his account.
May be worth looking into if your bank does it. But I think most do?

NoSquirrels · 25/10/2019 17:16

paid with money they had been sent from gp in both sides for half term spends. £20 each, £10 from each set of gp.

That’s totally fine. But you should have said “DC, GPs sent you some money for half-term - if you’d like to go to the zoo we could use it for that, what do you think?”

Why hadn’t you told them about that money? Weren’t they going to say thank you at some point?

Either the money is given to you to spend on the DC at half-term (in which case crack on, you spend it as intended) or it was given to the DC and they need to decide how to spend it and say thank you to the givers.

Sb20162019 · 25/10/2019 17:38

Yanbu

I often wish we got money or vouchers for days out or experiences over plastic toys or clothes too small etc.
Don't get me wrong I'm very grateful, but I think it's nice to spend their money on days out or even essentials be it wellies or whatever but I do mention it's from so and so and tend to send a thank you with photos

melj1213 · 25/10/2019 19:54

OP that money is for your DCs so as long as you are spending it on them and not on a night out for yourself, do whatever works best for you.

My DD is the same - she has a savings account that me, her dad and both sets of GPs add to for birthdays, Easter and Christmas but she often gets a lot of money from family at birthdays/Christmas on top of that (On Exs side shes the only GC so she gets spoilt) and in school holidays the GPs give us money for her. She always gets to have some of it to spend as she wishes and the rest we will use for days out etc.

I use some of her money towards her annual National Trust pass (theres only the two of us so works out cheaper to get an adult and child than a family pass) and then if there are other days out, I will give her a choice "DD you still have some birthday money/money from gran to use towards a day out. We can either go to X or Y, which would you prefer?" That way she knows it is her money and can decide which she wants to do more.