AIBU to ask if your year 6 child is self-sufficient in the mornings?

[Funkyslippers]

...because mine certainly isn't! She would forget her packed lunch if I didn't remind her. I make it for her. She usually loses something at the last minute. This morning she couldn't find her tie (pretty important). I found it after searching high and low for 15 mins, hanging on the bannister under a load of coats. She must have dumped it there last night and forgot all about it. I also have to remind her that breakfast is at 8am and I usually make it for her. I have to chivvy her along all the time or she'd be late. I'm probably not helping in the long run!

Mine can get up and ready no problems. But would not get out of the door in time if I didn't say when it was time to go.

Mine (Y4 and Y6) CAN do all the tasks necessary to get up, dressed, breakfasted, packed up and ready for school. Trying to put it all together seems to be an issue, but they seem disorganised and the morning is spent with my calling out asking if they've done each task - getting louder and more urgent as the tie to leave approaches.

A typical moment would be DD2 (nearly 9yo) standing by the door, absolutely ready except for not having shoes on. Then she'll go and look for her shoes, and not find them. They are in the hall, by the stairs where she left them last night to have them ready to put on.

I can't help them be any more organised at the moment. I'm in that peri-menopausal fog where I forget what I'm doing every few minutes, go out for the day forgetting my purse (thank goodness I had the Wetherspoon app on my phone so we can eat - we were 2 hours away), can't find my own stuff, and generally can't be arsed. I have things to do over the weekend and I'm worried I'll forget to go!

Dsd2 used to be an awful faffer in the morning. Needed a lot of supervising. But I worked on it from the beginning of y5 and by y6 she was fine. Still needed to odd prod to get up or reminder, but generally managed ok. Now in yr7 the only thing I do is get them up if it becomes obvious they've over slept.
DD is yr1 and can do a lot of getting ready herself if she wants to, but she mostly doesn't! I'm not too fussed. I'd like her to be able to get herself ready etc by yr3 so we've time to work on it.

Ds could do this from y3. Hes y4 now and sorts his y1 brother out too...

This doesn't stop him spending ages on his hair

My DC’s school highly discourages this. If they forget something it’s a better lifelong character building experience for them to deal with the fallout themselves.

@ChaosTrulyReigns
1 mashed banana, 2 eggs (nothing else)
(or 1/2 banana,1egg)
Mix them together
Little bit of oil in the pan
Fry like a pancake 1 side then flip, cook the other side, job done

Filling, healthy but sweet. And 10 yr olds can make them!

I am really shocked at some of these posts, any NT Y6 child should be able to get ready and get breakfast, brush teeth etc before leaving the house, in fact I would expect Y3 children should be able to do this in all honesty. Also why are 10/11 yos unable to do ties up? Mine have worn ties from age 4, it's really not that hard if you teach them.

DS2 is mega unorganised so does need the extra help to get his stuff together, we have a board for each day we write on so he can check that to see what he needs and that does help. He is has autism, ADHD and a processing disorder so it is a bit harder for him to get himself sorted but he still needs to learn ASAP as how will he manage when we are not here to remind him when he's at college etc.

Banana omelettes sound amazing, I am going to try this!! I have an omelette maker so even easier!!

Does she / can she go to school unaided?

I'd be very tempted just to leave her to it. By constantly helping you're not giving her any incentive to learn for herself.

Glitterfisher as per my previous post my 29 year old and 24 year old boys left home at 18 and managed perfectly, despite never having made four course dinners/ cleaned the entire house/ built an extension and all the other competitive parenting brags I see on these threads.

It’s not “shocking” that a 10 year old might not be able to do their tie, or might need help to make a pancake. And it’s extremely unlikely to hold them back in their adult lives.
I learned to stop worrying about this kind of thing years ago, it’s quite liberating!

This thread is a wonderful read. My daughter is 2 and can just about cook scrambled eggs with one hand whilst mopping the floor with the other. I'm horrified at the amount of posters on here whose 3 years olds can't do this. Parenting standards have slipped dramatically. Sorry I couldn't hold back

Or, we can accept that children are like adults. They come with many different abilities when it comes to organisation. I know many adults who are always late or who often forget things. Those adults came from somewhere!

Yes, mine have been self sufficient since long before year 6. Once they get to secondary they need to be able to organise themselves, so you're really doing her any favours running round after her at that age.

It started really because DS1 was always very argumentative in the mornings, moaned about everything I put in his lunchbox and generally made mornings a nightmare, so I just started staying out of the way. I would make a cup of tea and retreat to the sitting room or back up to my room while he got ready, then help the younger ones, who left half an hour later than him.

Once the younger ones started secondary and started getting up at 6.30 I realised that I wasn't adding much value getting up at all, as they were all ready to go by the time I even got downstairs, so now I stay in bed. I'm a night owl and don't start work until 10am most days, so I don't need to be up as early as them.

They get up, get showered, make themselves brekky and remember everything they need without any prompting from me (except the odd day they need to take a toothbrush for an orthodontist appointment, or cooking ingredients etc) They will usually pop into my room and say goodbye before they leave.

DD is the youngest of 3 and has always had to be self sufficient as getting 3 of them ready for school and nursery meant everyone had to be able to put their own shoes on and eat their breakfast without making a fuss.

*you're really NOT doing her any favours

I most definitely can't brag about what my kids can do as they can't do anything out of the ordinary but surely it is good for them to learn a bit of independence. I don't stress over it particularly but it helps us in the mornings when we all have to be out the house if I am not have to dress the kids as well as everything else that needs sorting.

My younger son had no choice as I left the house at 7 am to go to work. His older brother who was 14 at the time was at secondary school and got a bus to school. The younger one was 10 at the time and would be on his own from 7.45 until leaving the house at 8.30 to walk to school. He was perfectly capable of locking up and getting there on time.

Blimey! This makes me realise how behind my child with additional needs is. Aged 10 and wouldn't ever leave the house unless I dressed them. Would never even enter their heads to fetch their own food/drink! Would rather starve! Has been known to sit there, hungry for hours on the weekend if I have the odd lie in because they can't contemplate anyone except me fetching breakfast.

My 9 year old on the other hand can get themselves dressed, make breakfast, make a packed lunch and can cook a bean chilli from scratch and has just started using the toaster unsupervised. I didn't know if this was "normal" or not but I guess it is!