PILs want to drive my DC

[Ginandgingers92]

Posting here because I need to know AIBU, or do I have grounds to be concerned? And if so, what can I do?!

Apologies for the long post, there's a lot to cover haha.

Back in May, myself and a friend were asked to be Bridesmaids and started planning the Bride's hen. DH works shifts, including weekends and the one the bride wanted, he was working, meaning he'd need to take time off to look after our 18mo DC. I text, asking if leave was a possibility, was told it was, he would ask for leave, so we went ahead and planned everything for that weekend in question. Fast forward a few months and in classic DH style, when I ask him if he's taken leave he tells me he forgot, and now too many people are off, so he can't look after DC.

Some alternatives were my parents or his. Mine had long standing plans, so we asked his parents who agreed. Friday to Sunday,

Now I have found out that they are planning that weekend on taking DC on a 3.5/4 hour journey up North to see relatives. They asked DH and he gave it the all clear.
The stick in the mud is the driving. FiL doesn't drive and MIL is an EXTREMELY nervous driver. We're talking: will not drive on her own, will panic about 20 min journeys which are essentially one road all the way, will not do motorways, will not drive in the dark.
I now find out that they want to leave, in a car, with my baby, on Friday evening, driving in the dark and taking the M25! I'm seriously panicking about this. I don't know if DC will be safe, I won't be able to relax until I know they've made it there, I genuinely think an accident is a possibility. Let's also not forgot this is a long journey fora toddler in any situation..

I've tried to talk to DH but he thinks I'm worrying too much.

AIBU? Do I leave it and let it happen and just insist they contact me and stop regularly?

Or, if NBU, what can I do?

• Not go to the hen? This will cause so many issues with the bride but I'm willing if there's no alternative.
• insist they stay local even though DH gave this journey the all clear?
• insist they take the train (I think they normally do when going here!) it won't be cheap but I'll happily contribute/pay!

Help, please!

@LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook they work with DH so are at work that weekend too.

@LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook not that they would be appropriate either

The other problem is that it might not be a 3.5/4 hour journey at that time of day. Plus the longer the journey the massively increased likelihood of a fractious child. It’s not ideal for anyone to drive with a screaming / whining child. Worse with poor nervous drivers. Also my in laws were like this. Any journey like this always ended up as some great saga as they got lost due to missed turnings and an inability to follow clear instructions especially in the dark. One weekend we nearly had to send out a search party as they got lost in the wilds of Surrey - main reason we didn’t was because they had absolutely no idea where they were so no way of finding them.

I'm a bit confused - why has your mother in law who hates driving and refuses to drive on motorways suddenly feel ok to do a late night round the M25? And why does your DH not think this is a problem? Does he think her driving is better than you think it is?

Like other PP I’m confused about why she’s decided to drive that distance when she’s so nervous. I’d want to understand the thinking.

And her fragility doesn’t trump your son’s safety. It doesn’t need to be aggressive, just frank and open.

@catanddogmake6 exactly this! DC won't sleep the whole way, will get bored, and of forbid they cry, not the best for a nervous driver.

@ArtistOfTheFloatingWorld I have no idea!! This is why I guess I should just man up and speak to her myself. DH knows how bad she is, he often has to help her park outside our help! I honestly don't know why he thinks it'll be fine! He thinks I worry too much, so maybe just trying to alleviate my concerns but yeah, I don't get why all of a sudden he's ok with it? His words were 'but nothing would happen because if it did it would be my whole family gone'.... THAT DOESNT MEAN NOTHING WILL HAPPEN! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

How come she’s planning such a long drive through if she’s so nervous about driving 20 mins?

Everyone, you've genuinely all been so helpful! So thanks.

Plan is now to speak to her tonight. Ask frankly why she is driving and not taking the train and be honest about my concerns. I'll then suggest they stay here that weekend and explore the area with DC too. That way they can see their son, stay in a nice house and have their dinners cooked for them!

If that's a no, then I won't go to the hen xx

I wonder if any of you actually drove on M25 on Friday evening? Most people wfh on Fridays and unless there's a Bank Holiday coming up Friday evening is actually fast flowing and no traffic.

I bet your MIL knows what she is doing if she wants to do this drive (although I wouldn't drive by myself 4.5 hours in one stretch anyway, I would stop for at least 30 min half way through).

Why can't they set off on Saturday 9 am?

@NoSauce search me. I'm absolutely baffled. I love driving but even I wouldn't want to get on the '25 on a Friday evening!

No, me neither!

@Fere I drive on the '25 all the time! It seems to be busy whatever the day/time these days!

Yanbu, but if she's too incompetent to drive your dc, surely your dp should be speaking to her about driving at all?
I completely agree that I wouldn't risk my dc in the car with her. But neither should she be posing a risk to every other person on the roads.

My ils were never allowed to drive with dc.
Mil never drove past second gear. And she wore glasses to help fil with his driving!!
Your plans are ruined either way op.
Unless dh realises he is actually going to have to have the dc... As he was asked to.

Ask her why the sudden change of heart RE: driving.

Sorry, just seen updates. Took ages to post!

M25 after 8 PM is quite empty, this is my experience, I drive it at all times as well.
Which junction and at what time they are planning to drive it?

Most people wfh on Fridays

In your tiny bubble maybe. Not in the real world. 🙄

I think I'm driving on a different M25 to some other posters. I drive on it regularly and it's really fast and free flowing on a Friday evening. Maybe at 2am yes, but 8pm?!!

But then again I've never worked from home either so maybe I'm living on a totally different planet

*hah I meant it's rarely fast and free flowing!

I’ve mainly came here to sympathise with you as my OH is exactly the same in that I will ask him to book certain days off and he ends up bloody forgetting. He could do with his own secretary.

I’ve also came to roll my eyes at the mean posters who set their teeth into your husband as I’d thats the main point of this thread to slag him off 🙄

My mother is a very nervous driver too. When she gets a new car you would think it was a space ship she is so stressed learning the new controlls.
However I find that as she is a nervous driver she is therefore a lot safer.
She doesn’t take risks, drives at the speed limit or just below and sticks the left lane etc.

But I know it’s also a huge worry whenever someone takes your precious kids away in a car. I always have a worry at the back of my mind and cant rest until I know they’re safe and well.

Hope you manage to sort it.

Considering what an arsehole the bride sounds like, I wouldn't be going to her hen anyway!

Plan is now to speak to her tonight. Ask frankly why she is driving and not taking the train and be honest about my concerns

I think this is sensible. It really doesn't add up, especially if mil is usually quite reasonable! I wonder if someone has the wrong end of the stick, or if she's being encouraged to do something she's not comfortable with? If so she might be happy for an excuse to change their plans.

@OrangeTwirlGate thank you so much xxx

Was also going to say I have definitely been stuck on the M25 on a Friday night. Worst time was with a screaming baby stuck for a good 90 minutes.