To retract party invite

[mummyofthreemunchkins]

Ok, so we are hosting our annual halloween parry next week. I gave DD 8 invitations to hand out to her friends. This was a good couple of weeks ago so we could get our RSVPs back in plenty of time seeing as it falls in the half term...
I have heard back from 6, one will let us know tomorrow, one has turned round to DD and told her, yes if she's not doing anything else.
It has really annoyed me, maybe unreasonably and feel we are being used as a 'if nothing better comes along, last resort'
I really feel like I want to tell them the invite is no longer valid, DD got a bit upset, so I told her she's got until tomorrow to give a yes or no, otherwise it's a no-go.
These girls are not best friends, obviously they get on for my DD to invite her, but it won't make a huge difference to DD whether she's there or not, of that sways anything.
I just don't know if I've taken it a bit too much to heart!

It was the parent that said in front of DD and friends if we don't do anything else.
As I said, it's no huge issue of she's not there, it's the lack of manners, by the looks of it though I'm in the minority 😐🤔

The poor girl might want to come and it's her mother dithering.

It sounds very rude but could the mum have meant “if we don’t do anything else that week” ie we might go away last minute for the week but she’d definitely come if they’re home? Not if we get a better offer for Halloween. Clutching at straws but possible

Oh dear. That sounds like something my child would say. We often go away at the weekend or have plans made (that we don't discuss beforehand with the children). My child would not say that to be dismissive about a Halloween party, but would genuinely mean if we didn't have alternative plans. Please do not retract the invitation. It would make you look very petty and it isn't the child's fault. If it was a pay per head birthday party, I agree it would be rude but I assume the party is on in your own house. While there will always be no shows for one reason or another, I really think it is ruder to accept an invitation when there is only a small chance of attending.

Ah ok. Then I take it back. Thats really rude of the mum.

Just read your update OP about the mother saying it. Yes it was rude and she sounds rude (or giving the benefit of the doubt maybe she has a lot going on and is overwhelmingly busy/can't cope and doesn't want to commit or just say no to the invitation).

Don't withdraw the invitation but tell your child not to expect her friend to turn up to avoid any potential disappointment.

if we end up not doing anything else

But that isn’t what was said.

I once extended an invite to a girl for DD’s birthday party, by asking her Dad if she could go. He said “probably but I need to check if she has anything else on” It’s exactly the same thing OH would say if he wasn’t sure what our plans were. It doesn’t mean he’ll see if there is a better offer, it means he doesn’t know what’s planned.

I often invite DD’s friend over and she’ll say she’s not sure what she is doing and she’ll let us know. It’s not in the least bit insulting.

You really need to chill on this one.

It was the parent that said in front of DD and friends if we don't do anything else.

As in, “I’m not sure what our plans are yet”

Not everybody plans annual parties weeks in advance. I’ve no idea what we are doing on Halloween yet.

It sounds like the mum took it as more like a casual invite. At 13 we get an awful lot of this. DD asks can she invite a friend round. I say yes. Very often the response is then "friend can come on Tuesday if she doesn't have to do anything with her mum".

Op presumably you've only invited the child not the family so it's reasonable that the mother can't commit until she's planned what the family as a whole will be doing. As pp have said they may be invited to other things or plan a family day out or a last minute break and it would be more rude to accept and then not turn up. Tbh I've no Idea why you're so uptight about it plan the kids stuff as if all 8 are coming

They [...] were chatting about it for days (at school...) Elizabeth said Olivia was just glaring at them all.

What makes you think this?

Wrt manners - it’s really bad manners to disinvite a child particularly on the basis of annoyance with what the mother said.

I agree with you, TatianaLarina but the op hasn't disinvited the girl yet and I don't believe she will. OP came on here to vent and to ask what she should do, if anything. There have been a lot of helpful replies, probably some unhelpful but mostly positive and I hope they will have helped Mummyx3 to see the issue more in proportion.

(I must say I don't like the sound of the other girl's mum.)