To retract party invite

[mummyofthreemunchkins]

Ok, so we are hosting our annual halloween parry next week. I gave DD 8 invitations to hand out to her friends. This was a good couple of weeks ago so we could get our RSVPs back in plenty of time seeing as it falls in the half term...
I have heard back from 6, one will let us know tomorrow, one has turned round to DD and told her, yes if she's not doing anything else.
It has really annoyed me, maybe unreasonably and feel we are being used as a 'if nothing better comes along, last resort'
I really feel like I want to tell them the invite is no longer valid, DD got a bit upset, so I told her she's got until tomorrow to give a yes or no, otherwise it's a no-go.
These girls are not best friends, obviously they get on for my DD to invite her, but it won't make a huge difference to DD whether she's there or not, of that sways anything.
I just don't know if I've taken it a bit too much to heart!

YABU, you need to chill out and not be so petty, it doesn't really matter.

@JasBBGG

"I'll take that as a No" is how you respond to that type of a reply. 👍

Family plans and holiday can often change last minute I assume that is what she meant

It’s not rude to say that you need to know if she can come or not ASAP because if she can’t come then you can invite someone else.

My goodness you sound ridiculously petty. How on earth can this offend you? There is nothing wrong with what this child has said, they obviously don't know their plans but if nothing is going on they will attend.

Calm down and address your pettiness because it is pathetic that you've worked yourself up to this state over absolutely nothing.

I don't think you're petty at all. It's simply polite to rsvp to an invite...

If I am reading your post correctly, your DD gave out 8 invitations and has received 6 replies? I'd say that was a good response rate! Don't make a big fuss over the two with 'no-reply' as you will spoil the build up to the party for your DD. Relax a little.

TricklBOO
But she could mean 'unless my family have planned something I don't know about yet'?
.........
That's what I thought. She's a kid too, they don't always phrase things tactfully.

You're taking it too personally, op.

Riley. Surely not being certain if one extra child is going to turn up is not a big deal? If they come they come and if they don't they don't. Not worth angsting over.

Who is Riley???

YABU
I am polite to a fault, I like it when other people are polite too.
Halloween is right in the middle of half term and the kid might not know what on earth is going on. Her parents are in all likelihood juggling work and childcare.

Also, you've got 6 RSVPs so the party's on. It doesn't matter much if the other two come or not. It will be fine either way. I'd say the same is true for most kids' parties unless its a pay per head thing.
So, chill. You are not being "used".

Surely all these children who don't know what their parents have got planned during half term are capable of asking?? Same for the parents. If you're not sure you just say no politely. Don't mess people about or make them feel like their not worthy of your manners.

So they said yes unless there’s something else that might come up. I would take that as a yes. I wouldn’t get worked up about it. It’s a Halloween party not birthday.

I think you over reacted op and misinterpreted what the child meant!

If its a young one I think what she probably meant was 'yes unless my parents are making me do something else'

Oh my you are a wee bit intense, don’t make your daughter feel embarrassed uncomfortable with threats, surely it doesn’t matter if the other seven are all going to be there.

As PPs have said, the DC probably meant she'd like to come but doesn't know what family plans are. Don't retract the invite. If it's a house party, it won't make a massive difference if one more child comes or not.

Thanks for all your replies.
Just to confirm the kids in question are 13, and this reply is from the parent. I understand that we will have an awesome night, but the 'if we end up not doing anything else' reply is a bit crap.
I did specify to RSVP for numbers for food and games that will be prepped for numbers of kids attending.
I just figured it's manners, if I couldn't guarantee I could get there I would politely decline so someone else could take my spot...

That's super rude from an adult, but you will just look petty if you rescind the invitation. I would struggle to resist a PA reply though

Why do you impose miss manners on 8 year olds? It's a Halloween party, not a royal summons. Relax a bit.

@mummyofthreemunchkins

YABU. And will come across as a spoilt brat.

Also. I am confused. In your OP you said your daughter's friend said 'if I am doing nothing else.' But in your post at 21.04, you said it's her mother that said it.'

So which is it?

Best Hallowe'en party I ever had was 6 of us doing daft things like bobbing for apples and eating pumpkin soup (or do you drink pumpkin soup?). (We were grown ups at the time, admittedly, and not everyone could make the party, but those of us who did had a great time.)

My first thought is that this sounds like an she’s repeating an adult and has most likely been told by her mum ‘yes you can go as long as nothing else comes up’ probably in reference to family/siblings.

8 yo’s aren’t candid and I think that if this girl was actually being rude it would have been more like ‘unless there’s something I want to do more’ or ‘I’ll come if I don’t get invited to a better party’

YANBU to be initially a bit put out though, but I do think this is the girl recreating a parent!

I'm confused. In your OP you said the girl had responded to your DD but later you say it was the mother who did.

So who actually responded and what exactly did they say?

@mummyofthreemunchkins YANBU to be a bit miffed, but YABU to say anything, as it makes you look a bit bitter and petty. Just roll with it and if the lass comes, she comes... You are never going to get the exact number coming that you plan for, so make allowances for that... Like get some food that is non-perishable, so it can be put away for another time/another occasion, if 3 or 4 people don't turn up.

We had parties for our kids when they were school age, and we regularly invited 12 to 15 kids. We would get a yes from most of them (say, 13 out of 14,) and only 10 would turn up. Still an OK amount, but 3 or 4 out of the 14 who said yes, would not come. No reason. No apology.

One time I did laugh though. My older DC (they are 2 years apart,) had a party for her 7th birthday, and we had a McDonalds party. We invited 20 classmates. All aged 6 to 7. They all said yes except 2 who had prior arrangements. So that left 18.

Then one girls mother rang me, and said 'Sorry, Olivia won't be coming to Elizabeth's party, because she feels it's too childish for her. She said a McDonalds party is FAR too immature for her.'

Olivia was SIX. And her mother claimed a McDonalds party was 'too childish.' LOL! (And that Olivia had said so!!!)

So that left 17 kids, and my 2 DC. They had a ball, and were chatting about it for days (at school...) Elizabeth said Olivia was just glaring at them all. Wellllll..... she was invited!!!

Also OP, I am wondering (like several others,) who did you speak to? The child or the mother? Or did one of them speak to your daughter?