To stop potty training?

[rainplopsarefallingonmyhead]

It's becoming a nightmare and I'm struggling to see why we are still doing this?

DS is quite "behind" his peers due to some health issues which have now been rectified, nonetheless he's still playing catch up. He's 3 in a couple of weeks and we've been potty training since July.

When we are at home, he's always commando with trousers on. Pants always add to the problem and he will often wet himself with them on. He will use the potty with no problems at home and 99% of the time, unless he's very involved in a puzzle or something won't have any accidents. He isn't potty trained at night yet.

However whenever we're out of the house, be it the supermarket, shops, park, nursery, zoo etc I always ask him if he needs to go and he says no but will usually end up wetting himself, we are given zero warning.

I've persevered because he can do it at home and I thought it would come with time and he'd get better at being more aware when out and about. But it's not improving even slightly...

It's becoming a bit of a nightmare to be honest and DH has said he thinks we should put him back in nappies when out and about to avoid the incidents.

I'm not sure if this is confusing though and we're better off persevering?

Is it ok to use the potty at home and pull ups when out and about? I would still keep asking him if he needs to go and encourage toilet use when out and about regularly, but use the pull up as a backup for any accidents?

Thanks!

Are you putting pants on him when you go out? Don't. Put loose trousers on. It's common for them to confuse the feeling of a nappy and struggle with pants, give him longer

Also, try not reminding him. It's hard (my DS is similar age), but they always say no when you ask, then it's bloody frustrating when they then wet 5 mins later. I combine not reminding with telling him (not asking) that it's toilet time if he's not been for a couple of hours.

I think the issue may be with the ‘asking’ him. Mine are 3 and 5, both potty trained from just after 2. I still insist they go before we leave the house, at convenient points during day trips or just when I think it’s been a while. It’s easy to get distracted at that age and they’re not good at recognising less urgent signals.

Well, according to my friends with older kids, once the nappy is off it must stay off. Otherwise you will just raise the confusion exponentially. I'm dreading this moment actually.

Both of mine have been over three when we’ve ditched the nappy/pull-ups and once they were gone they were gone to avoid confusion.
I used to tell them when it was time to go so it would be “right we’re going to the park now, time for a wee” it if we were out I would be looking for toilets and probably taking them about every 90mins, there was no asking, it was just “time for a wee now” having said that they both decided in the middle of Hyde park that they were desperate and had to go RIGHT NOW so a tree was the best I could do!

When my DD had a problem like that I put her back into nappy full time for about a month or so and then tried again. I called it ‘reboot’ and it worked. It’s like some switch went on and she understood.
Also, she’s 4 right now and she’s still saying she doesn’t need to go, but I always tell her to go before leaving house and going to bed. If she won’t, she’ll end up wetting bed or moaning on a walk how much she needs to go.

Thanks so much all for your replies, I think that's where I've been going wrong then. I need to tell not ask!

He's very strong willed and I was worried telling would make more of a thing of it, if that makes any sense.

He doesn't ever wear pants because he'll always wet himself with them on. The snugness of pants definitely feels like a nappy to him.

Do we ditch nappies all together at night time too?

Any tips for night time potty training or is it best to stick to the day time for now?

I personally think too young to potty train at night, I think its easier when closer to 4 and they understand more. In the book I'm reading it advocates training for the night at the same time by waking your LO through the night to use the potty...hell no in my house.

Preserver in the day though- good luck

I have an almost three year old, I never ask her if she needs a wee when we are out I just tell her we are going to the toilet. At home she is reliable in taking herself to the potty or telling me she needs a wee/poo but out of the house? No way. Anything and everything is more exciting than going to the toilet so I take her at regular intervals.

She is dry at night but I waited until we had a good few days of dry pull ups overnight before ditching them.

Night time is totally different to day time As it’s hormonally driven. Don’t even go there unless you’ve been getting dry nappies in the morning.

I’d second the advice about telling not asking. It is non negotiable that my 3 year old has to try and have a wee before activities like swimming or going on longer trips.

I found just going into knickers for dd was best.

Pull ups were for bed only.

She went her knickers around 3 times but hated how it felt and realised quickly then that if she went to the loo before it happened it was better.

Thanks again, will definitely leave night time training for now. Thank god.

I'm definitely not ready for that!

When he wakes up in the morning his nappy has often leaked because it's so full. Oddly enough he doesn't wee during naps and stays commando without accidents.

I feel so stupid that I'm probably the issue here! It's so obvious....why wouldn't a 2 year old rather look at animals at the zoo rather than go to the toilet. in my defence I'm incredibly sleep deprived (thanks dc2), but still!

Do what's best for you
Our ds has taken ages to fully train and I was driving myself nuts. I put pull ups on him whenever we went out in the end and it took the pressure off which helped.
If it makes you feel better too, our DS is not long 4 and only really confident with it the past few months.

Imo you need to put pants on him and maybe ditch the potty and go to the toilet get a seat take him to the toilet after meals and drinks he should get into a pee routine quickly and if he says he isn't needing say well you can go for a try!

And yeah pull up when he is out and just take him to the toilet.

I rewarded DD with a chocolate star every time she did something on the potty. She was eager to try just for the chance to get a treat, so it was no problem telling her to have a go before we went out and before nap and bedtime. She soon started saying she needed a wee or poo and going herself after a couple of accidents. She was trained in two weeks, and dry at night 3 days after that. I did lots of OTT praise along with the chocolate and then just praise once she was reliable. Not the healthiest option perhaps, but she's got perfect teeth, same centiles for height and weight, eats very healthily otherwise. I'd tried before when she was younger without a reward because she asked for a potty after using one when we stayed with friends with slightly older potty trained DC. She wasn't interested enough in trying (except for a week of 5am poos) and got annoyed if I asked her to go, and accidents were frequent so we stopped quite quickly.

I also used to bribe mine with chocolate buttons 😁

We had the exact same issue. My LO is 3 in January and we had been potty training since June..... The HV said put him in pants and perserver with it, he was going to preschool aswell so he was in a good routine going to the toilet. I've been at the end of my teether with it until about 3 weeks ago I bought asda boxer briefs instead of pants, honestly it was a game changer. He was going on his own within a day !! And now he will only have 1 or 2 accidents a week!! Instead of 3 or 4 a day. I think the pants felt like nappies and were harder to get down.
I bribed, we read books, we went toilet together, we tried stickers.. Nothing worked, only the boxers. Worth a try x

I never get this obsession. He won't be doing this at 15, so, what's a few more weeks/months with a nappy.

Just make your life easier for now, and take the pressure off you both.

Yup, my pay off was Percy Pigs (the baby ones) as she is Peppa Pig obsessed. One for a wee, two for a poo, she stopped reminding me that she had earned one quite quickly and now no reward is needed.

Heya, we're in a similar position on DS is now 4½. We rely heavily on pull ups which I know a lot of people slate us for as they think he needs to go cold turkey. Our lad doesn't always know when he needs it. If he's already naked he'll announce he needs one and runs to the loo bit 50/50 about whether or not he can actually go once on the loo. We take him regularly and again it's 50/50. School are amazing at supporting him and encouraging him too which is obviously great for us cuz we're not in it alone. Rewards/ bribery none of that works. We just keep praising the successes and say "better luck next time" if he's wet or can't go. We do ask the "tinkle fairy" to help him wee tho. No idea where that came from but it keeps him motivated so I go with it.
We had tried a couple of times to go straight to pants and that's how we toilet trained his brothers. In February this year we decided to try train him and his little brother at the same time (his brother is exactly a year younger than him) and for his brother it was successful and he's even dry at night but the 4½ yo is still learning.

And on the telling not asking point if I ever ask by accident I back it up with "well in 5 mins we're gonna have a try anyway". I do this for both of my younger 2. I just have to be prepared to change the pull up if it's damp (but he basically does it himself cuz he's got the gross motor skills cuz not the understanding of when he's toileting).

I agree leave the night time training for now, and just plonk him on the loo when out and about whether he says he needs a wee or not.

We used pull ups for my daughter at night time and waited until they were dry the vast majority of the time before even attempting nights without them

I used the book oh crap to train my son which is a very different aporia have and condenses the training into a week or so. My son was trained at 21months and then at night d22 months old.

Can he push his own pants down?
Is he self initiating the use of the potty at home ?

We left him commando at home until he knew where to 'put his" wee
When he could pretty reliably do that we put trousers on him in the house to practice.
Then when taking him out of the house, just loose trousers for awhile
Then undies and trousers.

Don't be that parent that is constantly asking/telling them they need a wee, You need to hand the control over to him at some point but set them up to succeed. (Obviously he's not there yet)

Say we don't leave the house until you have a wee, but don't be forcing them onto the potty (they are bound to start disliking it ) clear your schedule so they have the time to learn this skill.

Have a wee on arrival at places, just in a casual way, not "you must have a wee".

Keep going and don't put him back into nappies (pull ups are nappies) it will just confuse him and take even longer.