AIBU to remove DD from nursery?

[Midlandsmummy29]

My 3 year old DD started nursery attached to the local primary school. She’ll have two years there before starting school.

We’ve not had a great first impression. She doesn’t have a key worker as they are understaffed. On collecting her after her first day we were buzzed into the building but not one member of staff spoke to us. We wandered the room and couldn’t find her, told a member of staff and she muttered “she’ll be in here somewhere” whilst typing on her laptop keeping her eyes fixed to the screen. We could have been anyone, it didn’t feel very security conscious. After finding DD, we asked staff for feedback on her first day, the response was “yeah fine”- no other info, it was as if we were an inconvenience for asking.

I’m not expecting a detailed account but a quick indication of if she’d settled okay, had she eaten, played etc, but we got nothing. It’s not been much better on other days when collecting her- I asked if there was a handover process and was told no, I can ask questions on collection but they won’t give me any information unless I ask but they have parents evening once per year so can give me feedback then?!

The sessions last 5 hours and I was informed that apart from 20 minutes in a group, the rest is free play. The kids just seem to be wandering about lost.

The place doesn’t look very clean. They told me today that they thought DD had an allergic reaction but turned out her face was covered in berries- why not help clean it off? I know they are encouraging independence but why leave a child with a face so dirty they thought it was an allergic reaction?

To top it off, she’s been up half the night being sick.

We’re not new to nursery, DD attended one since 10 months old. We moved her here as it’s attached to the school she’ll be attending but she could do pre school at her old one. DH wants to remove her, I feel like we should give it a few weeks but this first impression has made me uncomfortable. WWYD?

My son attended a private nursery which is fantastic but we thought we would try the school nursery also for a couple of sessions of week to get him ready to attend that school.

It was appalling, very similar to the OP describes and coincided with him really acting out in ways which were not like him. We pulled him out and even sent him to a different school.

Send her back to private nursery.
With DD3 we kept her at her nursery until she reached stat age. Tbh there were established friendships but we felt it was much better for her.

IME you are not going to get the daily report .handover etc in a school nursery that you get in private nursery.
The rest of it doesn't sound great,I would discuss my concerns with them,but be looking at my options

I would pull her out too. Will she automatically get a place at the attached primary school anyway? Unless it’s private surely it can’t be guaranteed?

Definitely pull her out. We kept all our dc in a private nursery and didn’t send them to the one attached to their school. The private nursery was on the same road anyway, just a few doors down.

Private nurseries have much better staff/child ratios and will give feedback, have key workers, have a set day plan etc. School nurseries tend to be understaffed and don’t have as much on-on-one. That’s my experience anyway.

Don’t worry about friendship groups at that age. All my dc went into reception with quite a few kids from their nursery. They soon made their own friendship group with the new kids. They have a new ‘best friend’ every month!

You should get a handover at any nursery - why wouldn't you? Especially on a first day. These are young people who are new to toileting, eating, might have separation anxiety. They need monitoring at the very least not to mention interaction and stimulation but it sounds like the children look after themselves there. Security is another very worrying issue altogether. And if they are that disinterested when you are there imagine when you are not. Take her back to her old nursery and make sure the place you are leaving knows why.

If you are worried that she won’t get into the school attached to the preschool I’d you take her out, don’t be. Admissions have no criteria about schools and preschools. She’s have as much chance as everyone else.

Don’t worry about friendships at this stage. Your peace of mind and her well being is more important x

Take her out.

My son's first daycare was recommended to me and had good reviews on Facebook. While pregnant I had visited several and a spot opened up just as I was about to go back to work from maternity leave. I never felt comfortable with him being there. They had high staff turnover, really young staff, he kept getting sick, I didn't believe they understood his health issues, it was like a zoo in there, and some of the conversations I had with the owner were pretty weird.

I couldn't work out if I was being precious given he was my first child and I was worried about his health issues so when a spot opened up at another place he was waitlisted on I was in two minds about uprooting and moving him. Thought I'd check it out anyway and went for another visit. As soon as we walked in I knew it was the place for us. The atmosphere was totally different and he was so at ease. So I moved him and have been very happy since. He has been sick many times since joining the new one too, but they're all the inevitable sicknesses kids get in the first couple of years.

Go with your gut, OP. Seriously. There are some really great services out there that will suit you better and help you feel at ease.

It’s sounds pretty awful. I would put her back in her old nursery if I were you.

Did you speak to parents who had kids in the new nursery before you moved her there? I’d be surprised if the reviews weren’t terrible. All but 20 mins of the day being free play is reason enough for the place to get bad reviews. They’re meant to follow a curriculum aren’t they?

Take her out and trust your instincts. You know how you feel snout it already. It sounds pretty awful to me and light years away from a good pre school environment. Free play all day is not acceptable there should be organised activities and adults helping to guide the hildren with them. My daughters lovely local pre school is light years away from what you describe here.

I have found the preschool my dd goes to ne lacking compared to her private nursery. There she had a set keyworker, her online journal was updated every week and they were always happy to tell me how she had gotten on. In the new setting there is never anyone to talk too about how she has gotten on and if she ate her snack that day. They too have free play and a lot of different stations set up but my child is shy and she needs encouragement to play. The staff are friendly though and she has settled in now but I am considering moving her to a different school nursery next year as her brother will be starting then too.

I would ask to have a meeting with the head and if no improvement then move her. I can well believe they didn't clean her face as dd has come home with a obviously snotty nose many time. They are 3 why would nursery not help with this? Their lack of care if it was a reaction is really concerning.

I would definitely take her out and put her in her old nursery - this sounds shockingly bad.

Just for balance though, the preschool attached to the school that my children went to was/is FANTASTIC. They did have key workers (that isn’t just a thing at private nurseries) and the staff were available at the beginning and end of every session if you needed a chat or if they had any concerns. It was run very like a mini school with set start times, different activities every day and really helped prepare the children for Reception. They had a board up outside saying what they were focussing on that day and how it linked to EYFS etc. I couldn’t say enough good things about the staff and the lovely atmosphere so it isn’t necessarily the case that you only get a good experience at a private nursery. In my town the only private nursery isn’t very good and only really used if you need childcare outside 9-3. It really does depend where you live.

DD started school only knowing two kids she'd been at her non-school based nursery with. By Christmas she knew all the kids in her class by name and was playing with lots of them. Certainly in our school the acclimatisation was a real priority in those first weeks - it didn't feel like she was at a disadvantage.

I wouldn't hesitate to pull her out. We were actually invited to have DS start school nursery this year but declined because the half days didn't work with my work schedule.

My DS' school nursery has a keyworker, but they don't say much at collection time. They have said to other parents can they have a private word, so I guess if there has been an injury or issue they bring it up. We have parents evening each term and weekly updates online on their learning.

The nursery I don't think sounds brilliant, but I would give it a chance then decide whether to move.

I moved one of my dc from a nursery. I wish I’d done it earlier. At 3 they can’t really tell you what’s going on.

@Vampyress that's private nurseries only, school nurseries don't work the same. Children have to be out of nappies and don't nap in school nurseries usually for a start. They also don't normally have anything other than a snack if it's a morning or afternoon session.

I'm laughing slightly at people's idea of getting a full handover at pick up time. There's normally 2 or 3 teachers to about 30 children all being picked up at 3pm in school nurseries. Imagine the queues at pickup if everyone was told what went on all day.

I'm intrigued as to where you are though OP, where children attend a school nursery for two years? In Wales you can attend from the term after your 3rd birthday, so a maximum of 1 year and 2 terms before starting reception, but not too full years. Wouldn't they be in reception in under two years?

In your position of definitely move back to private nursery. Do you have Ofsted/Estyn/other inspectorates?

WTAF how do they get away with so many breaches of safety rules, my friends nursery would be shut down

Your DH is right, if it's that bad the first week, it isn't going to get better, get her out if there & pdq

After three years in nursery, we still get a (brief) handover every day - how DC has been, what was eaten or not. It's a small nursery and although DC has always had a key worker (which I feel is still important) she now knows all staff well.

I was ignorant of the difference between 'nursery' and 'pre-school' until friends started going elsewhere, especially when they are all following the same EYFS framework.

If the only reason you moved was for the friendship thing, move back to where you are happy. I was concerned about the same, but realise now it's not as important as I imagine and would rather feel happy about where my child is during the day.

OP can you mix the two? This is what we did. DS was at a private nursery, but for the final pre-school year we sent him to the school pre-school 2 days a week so that he would get to know his future classmates. He continued at the private nursery for the other 2 days per week and also over the summer holidays. I also much preferred the private nursery, but felt that this was a good compromise, and it did help with the transition to school in that he already knew most of his classmates.

I'd be having a very hard look at the school.

Nursery is part of the school. It should be overseen by the head of Early Years.

I'd be speaking to the HT and possibly Ofsted. And I'd pull my child out.

Perhaps rethink which school is right too

Did you look round first or have any meetings there or anything before she started? Just wondering what kind of impression they gave compared to what you're getting?
But yeah, you are definitely not being unreasonable. I would most definitely pull her out and tell them why.

@WTFdidwedo OP could be in Scotland.
You can do two funded years in nursery here. Ante pre school and then pre school year.

Can you look at some other school nurseries in your area? We moved our dc from one not dissimilar to what you describe. We got them into an outstanding one and the difference was massive. The kids were well looked after and engaged in loads of amazing activities and the staff were lovely and really approachable. My dc have continued up the school and it has continued to be excellent.

Pull her out. Gut instinct is there and usually right. My 3 dc never went to the nursery attached to the school due to my work location and hours they never suffered in the friends department went they went to school.

You don't mention the most important thing - if your dd enjoys it?