Scrimping is so BORING

[MoneyM]

God, I'm just so sick of counting EVERY SINGLE PENNY. Sick of the constant cycle of guilt over buying something even slightly more expensive than the absolute cheapest for my DC, sick of my own holey clothes, sick of watching other people have holidays and no care about money (on the surface).

We will never lose our house, or not put food on the table but we just about manage. In a way it makes it worse as there are external expectations that we will be able to afford things.

AIBU to just absolutely find the constant drag of money worries just bloody boring?!

Sorry you are finding things tough - it must be very draining!

It sounds like you can cover essentials - mortgage/rent, food but are having difficulties with anything else?

You've probably done this but have you checked you are on the very cheapest deals for utilities/phones etc. That might free up some extra money.

Are you getting everything you are entitled to e.g. tax credits? If not, get applying!

How old are the children? Are you paying childcare? If so, hopefully that will reduce in a few years.

Thanks @PumpkinPie2016 - yes, we are really money savvy and have sorted all our bills and claim tax free childcare etc. Unfortunately we don't qualify for any other benefits but them's the rules!

It's mainly my partner's Child Maintenance (which he absolutely has to pay, not disputing it) and our own childcare costs which are killing us - another 3-5 years and we will be comparatively rich

It's just the monotony of day to day skint life that's grinding on me. Just want to be able to splash on a day out and have something nice to look forward to!

Is there any potential for you to increase your earnings? A pay increase at work or could you take on some ad hoc cash in hand work like babysitting or ironing?

@PoptartPoptart my partner's work is unionised so he is just away to get a modest 3% increase which will help. My work is a no go - I'm just away on a mat leave as well so need to not rock the boat. Been considering cash in hand work but we live extremely rurally so my client base for potential babysitting/ironing etc is very small!

We do manage, we aren't in huge amounts of spiralling debt, and never go without the essentials but it would just be so nice to have a break from the constant scrooging!

I was in this situation for many years and I really sympathise.

It is utterly soul-destroying.

You will have to look to the future, when your childcare costs are reduced and you start working again, and take some comfort from that.

Of course you're not. And the fact that many many others are in a similar position - or even worse off (regardless of how much sympathy you have for them) doesn't help much either. It's a miserable existence having to think hard about every last bit of expenditure, even stuff which would seem utterly trivial to some, like buying your child an ice-cream. There's a huge difference between having to do this, and choosing to do it as well which people don't always appreciate. In the latter case, freely deciding to be thrifty when you don't have to be is usually driven by a short term goal to either save up for something, or an ideological choice to cut down on using up resources etc. However, when it's day in, day out, with no light at the end of the tunnel then yes it's bloody boring, quite apart from being stressful and restrictive. You end up feeling you're existing rather than living because there's rarely if ever any money left over for the little niceties of life which give us a modicum of pleasure and therefore help sustain mental well-being. When you're poor, there are clearly priorities like housing, heating and food but being cut off financially (because you have no money for non essential travel, none for socialising, or babysitters) from the community you live in, from existing friends and family can be devastating. Boring can be the least of it sadly.

It is hard, MoneyM, every month the same. You feel as though you're working for nothing though you're not really.

All I can say is it really does get better. That doesn't help you now but in a few years things will be quite different and you'll appreciate that.

Having just said all that, search out the £10 a day threads for money making ideas you can do at home. Much of that like some survey sites can be boring too but when you're utterly brassick, it might be worth the effort and would help ease things a little.

@TheMustressMhor, @catsmother Thank you both for your replies - gosh you lot are lovely!

I think you've hit the nail on the head @catsmother - it's the fact is not a choice. I mean we could go down the credit card route and get a holiday, we could just go that little bit further into the overdraft to have a night out or family trip but the guilt and then long term damage of those decisions is enough to stop us.

As you said, there will undoubtedly be people worse off and I have full sympathy. It's horrible. We are lucky in that we do have a warm home, food and, appear, on the surface to be functioning adults (jobs, family, a few friends) but the lack of fun things just taking the shine off what should be a lovely time in our lives. I'm not a materialistic person by any means, I would much rather a nice experience but I would kill for some decent maternity clothes right now! But it's the old "oh well, can do without them really...I suppose" which creeps back in. Boring boring boring!

YANBU.
Been there although things have improved recently.
As PP said--www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3680934-september-earn-10-a-day-thread
Money-earning websites in your free time (if you have any!)

This was my situation till literally last Friday. For us switching to Universal Credit had made us actually comfortable. The monotony of being so tight financially was just so bloody draining. Putting off every expense till the absolute last minute, never being able to say fuck it and grab a couple easy bits from the shop instead of cooking from a strict meal plan. Never being able to just go take the kids to something nice.

It's boring, exhausting and it's just so shit.

Oh and if you're a 12 I have a few maternity bits kicking about in my wardrobe still that I need to get rid of and you're welcome to them.

If you're only trying to find a little bit extra for some non-essentials, could you try something like matched betting, OP?

It needs a small amount of effort but guarantees a profit and it's tax free, etc.

I've seen it mentioned many times on MN so worth searching for threads on it, I would think.

I agree with you I passed my uni course yesterday ,it's been a long hard slog and I want to celebrate but I can't because I'm skint .

Yanbu.
The sheer grey monotony of having to think about every penny you have to spend is exhausting.

I dont know where you are in UK, but there are many cheap /low price days out here on the South Coast .Museums normally free ,maybe small cost for exhibition(optional) .Sometimes trains cut their costs at less popular times ,or a drive out to the country ,with a packed lunch and flask of soup can lift your mood ,and be something to look forward to .Ebay /NCT sales are usually handy to pick up bargains as well .While I understand you dont want any further debt ,a few treats will make life bearable for you and dont need to break the bank!

YANBU. It sucks.

You're not alone though.

I’d rather have another baby than the cash to spend on a holiday, though it wasn’t to be, for me. Just keep focusing on the things you do have!

The good thing is that when your childcare costs go down, it’s like getting a massive pay rise!!

I ebay things, relatives often give me things they no longer want for me to ebay. I’m very careful to make sure I price the postage correctly, the listings are free and I make about £40-50 a month. Not masses but it does pay for a few extras. Reuse packaging for posting and ask people to save it from their parcels for you.

Couple of MN threads about matched betting, if it might be of interest:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3703915-Quick-questions-about-starting-matched-betting

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3704762-Matched-betting-I-cant-understand-it?msgid=90447525#90447525

Disclaimer: I only tried it a couple of times one rainy boring day just to see what it was all about and easily made around £30 with minimal effort. I would do it again without hesitation if I needed some easy money.

@NotQuiteUsual Aw you are so nice, thank you! Unfortunately I still have the baby weight from number 1 on the go so am a (very) solid 14 at the moment but what a kind offer. That's great feedback about UC, you hear it getting slated constantly! Unfortunately we don't qualify for anything (although that may change when I go on mat leave). I know it's the rules but if you took away from our calculation the income my partner pays in child maintenance, we would get 1.5x that back in UC - the system is crazy!

Thank you so much for all the other suggestions everyone. I have just done the test to join one of the £10 a day suggested sites (Crisp) and failed it by one mark (18 instead of 19/20!). Masters degree, my arse haha.

Interestingly I've been looking into matched betting - I'm very tempted to try it but it seems to be the more you have to put into the pot, the more you make. I feel like starting with a fiver or something means it would take ages to be making any worthwhile money. Could be wrong though!

I came on to suggest matched betting too. I haven’t done it but I’ve watched a few You Tube tutorials so understand the concept. It’s not betting in the traditional sense. It enables you to exploit free bets offered by bookies with very little / no risk. - I understand they are generally worth £500 - £600 in the first instance. If I was in your position I would spend an hour or two researching it to see if it might help ... even to get you through Christmas.

@Ellisandra Ah I'm so sorry to hear it. We have had pretty lengthy conception issues and it's soul destroying. I probably sound super entitled right now when I think back to those days. Life is never straightforward!

Sorry crossed post