Scrimping is so BORING

[MoneyM]

God, I'm just so sick of counting EVERY SINGLE PENNY. Sick of the constant cycle of guilt over buying something even slightly more expensive than the absolute cheapest for my DC, sick of my own holey clothes, sick of watching other people have holidays and no care about money (on the surface).

We will never lose our house, or not put food on the table but we just about manage. In a way it makes it worse as there are external expectations that we will be able to afford things.

AIBU to just absolutely find the constant drag of money worries just bloody boring?!

Thanks @DowntownAbby - even £30 would be so lovely right now - that's a day out to the local farm play place with the family!

@fedupandlookingforchange what sort of things do you sell? I feel like I don't have anything that anyone would want or the capital to invest in buying and selling. Am I wrong?

It may be obvious, but have you checked your entitlement to benefits? Since universal credit things have changed a bit. Try turn2us, I was pleasantly suprised when I found I could get a little bit of housing benefit.

www.turn2us.org.uk/

No advice as I am sure you know your stuff. Yes it is fucking boring.

I was on a thread a couple of days ago about filling weekends with a toddler. So many suggestions cost money. Arts and crafts, coffee shop visits, soft plays, farms, National Trust visits etc. It makes you feel rubbish to see that others can just do this stuff week in week out.

I get why you are frustrated but kids really don't care about going to an 'arts and craft's cafe, or the mega amusement park. They remember camping in the garden, toasting marshmallows over a real fire, fishing in a stream, rolling down hills, making Xmas decorations and sticking them around the house. Saturday night movie night, living room sleep overs. Etc etc. Giving them your time at the weekend is what they will want. As you say, in a few years when they might want more your childcare costs will go down and you will have some breathing room.

@Carpathian2 So I just did the calculator, thanks! We are mortgaged so I guess that knocks out the housing element. Not entitled to anything just now but did a quick hypothetical situation with new baby and me on mat leave and we will be entitled to £77 + extra child benefit so just over £110 a month compared to the £20.70 we get in just child benefit just now - not bad! Thanks :)

@CalamityJune Spot on! Everything costs. We are National Trust members actually as we live very close to two very child friendly spots and get our money's worth but genuinely we have been there almost every weekend this year - they are destroying my soul haha

Sorry, no wise advice but I really sympathise OP. I've been there and while we're still by no means flush and things are more precarious than I'd like, it's nothing compared to the 10-12 years of solid grey boring stressful grind of living more or less hand-to-mouth - we always had a roof over our head and food to eat (but I never want to see another tuna pasta bake ever again!) but there was debt, there was stress, there was guilt over the handful of times we splashed out on a takeaway pizza or a new book. The PP who said it feels like existing not living is bang on.

That's why comments on MN threads where an OP says something like "we're really skint and my DP has just spent £XX/my DC at uni is asking to borrow £XX" etc and someone comments "then you need to spend £XX on yourself or ask him to give the money back to you/it's your DC, surely you can find £XX" drive me mad. There are so many people who just don't get that many other people genuinely don't have £XX to spare. And it's not just about having lived in straitened circumstances yourself to be able to understand; it's possible to have empathy and imagination enough to realise that this is reality for many (as some do, to be fair).

It will get better , and laying the foundations of avoiding debt now is going to to set you up for life

That's brilliant OP! I'm so glad you are entitled to something. Hopefully that'll make things a bit easier

Books, cds, DVD’s, toys, spare parts for cars, clothes, not breakables but anything else. I don’t buy anything to ebay
Glad you’re entitled to some extra.

Yes @OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg!! It's crazy how little understanding some people can have of the daily grind. I get it because in the past I have been better off and could buy that takeaway on the way home from work to avoid cooking. Looking back I wish I'd just banked all those takeaways for now when I'm working full time with a toddler and pregnant - much more in need of a night off the tuna pasta bake malarkey!!

@pelirocco123 Yes, I'm hoping so. I just hope that this is hard as it gets and we don't end up in harder circumstances down the line and end up taking out too much credit - need to trust myself!

Been there, so yep it grinds you down. I was rural too, I found locals struggled to get cleaners due to trip from nearest town, so leafletted & put ad in Post Office & did cash in hand cleaning & dog walking, which wasn't work to me, as mostly v posh & tidy houses & I love dogs & find cleaning satisfying.

@CSIblonde thanks for your reply! Cleaning was something I had half considered - I'm the same as you, I enjoy it! I just wonder if it would be too physically exhausting with a breastfeeding baby and a toddler on the go. Did you find people were ok to hire you without recommendations?

Not an immediate fix but I signed up to the You Gov survey website - if you fill in surveys you accumulate points and eventually have enough for a £50 payment - I get a couple a year which I blow on a treat.

No prob OP. I got a nice neighbour who I'd kept an eye on/done bits for when post surgery to give me a reference. But no-one was too fussed as having lived there 10years everyone knows everyone. Same with the babysitting, & mostly got jobs via word of mouth (villages for you).