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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drink on a planned boozy lunch?

47 replies

JudgeRindersMinder · 23/10/2019 10:00

Just that really.

Lunch and catch up with a couple of friends today, and I really don’t want the booze. I barely drink these days, no reason other than I don’t actually like the feeling of being drunk, and I’m not willing to give up a day to a hangover. I also want the freedom to be able to use my car later on. An alcoholic relative probably has a bearing on it too.

Why is it so difficult to be a non drinker when you’re in company these days?

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 23/10/2019 10:01

Tell them you are doing sober October.

And then move on.

Butterymuffin · 23/10/2019 10:04

Tell them you need to drive later so you won't be drinking. Would they really not just accept you having soft drinks? Why is it such an issue?

Cohle · 23/10/2019 10:12

Will it really be an issue with your friends if just say you're driving later?

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 23/10/2019 10:14

If you don’t want to tell them I would order him and tonic then just tonic. It’s a pain when people are like this but let’s face it it’s just easier to do that.

If they order a bottle say you fancy a gin and tonic and you’ll get your own drinks

slashlover · 23/10/2019 10:32

Just tell them you're not drinking, why would that be so difficult?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 23/10/2019 10:34

Why is it difficult just to say you're not drinking today and have sparkling water or whatever. You can make up an excuse but I certainly wouldn't expect one.

It's your choice! These are weird friends if they can't see this.

I actually think with the younger generations drinking so much less it's easier than ever just to have soft drinks now.

Fifthtimelucky · 23/10/2019 10:36

I don't understand why it would be difficult.

I don't drink, and haven't done for over 30 years. It has never stopped me enjoying lunch or evenings out with friends.

Pukkatea · 23/10/2019 10:48

How boozy is boozy? Are people planning to get a bit drunk and possibly rowdy or are they just having a glass or two? If my friends said they weren't drinking that would be fine, but it's a bit crap to be the sober one if your friends are all tipsy.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 23/10/2019 10:54

Is it so difficult? Really?
What happens if you just say "I don't fancy a drink today"?

whitershadeofpale · 23/10/2019 10:56

I think I you’re making a bit of a fuss about nothing. If I’d planned a bottomless brunch or something with just one friend I might be a bit nonplussed about her not drinking l, but otherwise I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

Pinkypie86 · 23/10/2019 11:04

It's not difficult , you're an adult who can make their own decisions. If you don't want to drink you simply, don't!!
If they judge or mock you then they aren't friends!

BigFatLiar · 23/10/2019 11:06

If they're friends they won't have an issue with you not drinking.

(The only issue may be staying sober you realise drunk people aren't that funny)

Nottobesoldseparately · 23/10/2019 11:10

It's not difficult in my circle of friends and we all like a good drink when the mood takes us.

We had a long overdue catch up at the weekend, it was originally planned for a lot of wine to be drunk.

In reality, I had to drive in the end as I needed to pick my DH up from work and one of the others had a poorly child and didn't want to drink.

The only comment the others made were to make sure wine was taken off the bill before splitting.

No drama, no fuss.

SunshineAngel · 23/10/2019 11:10

I really don't understand why people need to find excuses not to drink. It's actually quite sad.

I'm not a big drinker (which my partner is generally thrilled at, as I can drive everywhere after he's had a skinful!) and if I don't want to drink, I just order soft drinks, and if anyone asks I just say I don't fancy it.

Sometimes I will have one or two alcoholic drinks, but I never get drunk, and I'm honestly just as happy sipping coke.

You do NOT need alcohol to have a good time, contrary to what so many people seem to think.

If you think about it, you're actually putting a poison in your body when you drink, so why on earth would "friends" have a problem with you choosing not to do that? It's just stupid!

cushioncovers · 23/10/2019 11:13

Is it hard because they won't accept your decision not to drink and will keep badgering you to join in??

SunshineAngel · 23/10/2019 11:18

Also, the number of times I've been accused of being pregnant (which is something I personally don't think you should ever ask someone - if they are, wait for them to announce it ffs) because I've not been drinking is hilarious.

By rights, I should have at least 200 kids by now!

ChrisPrattsFace · 23/10/2019 11:19

It’s not difficult, you just don’t drink?
I haven’t drank for 9 years. I still get offered alcohol and I say ‘no thank you, I don’t drink’ and have a lemonade.
If someone asks me why I say ‘I don’t like it, I’d rather be able to drive, and not feel sick’

Atticusblame · 23/10/2019 11:19

It's absolutely not unreasonable to not want to drink if you don't want to.

But what were the plans? If I had planned to go out with my friend for a good catch up over a couple of bottles of wine, and then they decided they didn't want a drink after all, it would irritate me that the plans had been changed and wonder why they hadn't told me in advance that they just wanted to catch up over some food so that I had brought the car instead of getting a taxi, or arranged plans for later on that day that I wouldn't have planned for after a drink.

I suppose it's not as irritating if there are more than just two of you going, but it is a pet hate of mine when friends say 'ooo shall we have a nice boozy dinner? Make a day of it?' and then you look forward to it, make all the necessary arrangements, and then they turn up and say 'by the way, Atticus, I'm only going to have half a shandy. I don't really want to drink. You go ahead and have a couple though'. Well then don't plan it. Just say 'shall we go out for something to eat and a coffee' instead of mentioning having a drink.

1300cakes · 23/10/2019 11:23

Then just don't drink? You're annoyed at your friends when they haven't said anything to you, and I doubt they will. If someone did this with my friends, no one would comment or even really notice.

BlingLoving · 23/10/2019 11:24

Unless the entire reason for meeting up is to get drunk, I can't see why this would be an issue at all.

dentydown · 23/10/2019 11:25

Nanny state beer, it looks like a posh beer but it’s low alcohol? Or pretend you have a vodka in your coke.

Or just say you don’t want to drink

Original poster
JudgeRindersMinder · 23/10/2019 11:26

They’re good friends, I’ve messaged them and they’re fine with it ...The “issue” is all in my head, I know that. I’ve been very depressed which means I’m a bit short of confidence, even with such good friends.

OP posts:
fishonabicycle · 23/10/2019 11:29

Just say you are driving or have given up til Xmas.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 23/10/2019 11:31

Lovely update. It sounds like a nice lunch will do you the world of good. Your lovely friends don't care if you have a glass (or 8) or wine any more than they do whether you have pizza or pasta. It's your company they want.

Chunkers · 23/10/2019 11:33

I had a group of friends who just couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to drink. The peer pressure just ruined the event. Coming up with reasons why you should drink and harking on and on about it. It’s like drinking is the norm and if you don’t want to, you must be depriving yourself so you need to be persuaded. Its exhausting.