To not want to drink on a planned boozy lunch?

[JudgeRindersMinder]

Just that really.

Lunch and catch up with a couple of friends today, and I really don’t want the booze. I barely drink these days, no reason other than I don’t actually like the feeling of being drunk, and I’m not willing to give up a day to a hangover. I also want the freedom to be able to use my car later on. An alcoholic relative probably has a bearing on it too.

Why is it so difficult to be a non drinker when you’re in company these days?

I'd be annoyed if it was agreed to have a boozey lunch and I've set my day up for it and then then someone backs out. My reason is that I hardly ever drink but once a year I like to meet up, have a few wines or whatever, be carefree, knowing that I'm not driving or have any other commitments later on and the same with my friends. Having one person sat there totally sober would change the dynamic for the day.

That said if it was just a regular lunch I don't have drink, some of my friends do and some don't and no one cares! We are happy to catch up and have a good catch up.

Well you know the issue is in your head. It is not difficult remotely not to drink if you don't choose to at a lunch.

@notacooldad thank you for your honesty, you’ve voiced my fears. I promise not to sit with a face on me, I certainly won’t be judging them, more like wishing I could be more like them and not such a fun sucker these days

So you don't want to be drunk. Do you want a drink? If you want have a glass of wine and then switch to sparkling water or whatever you want to drink.

If it’s difficult not to drink when you don’t want to drink - and it is for me so I know where you are coming from - then don’t go to the lunch. Find some support with this problem: Annie Grace 30 day experiment, Allen Carr, an AA meeting, a sober app. This isn’t about the “boozy lunch”, it’s about your unconscious mind.

And part of the issue is wishing you could be like them. I was in the supermarket today and went down the wine aisle. Usually I would envy the people carelessly stocking up on white wine and champagne for whatever thrilling evenings they had ahead of them, but today I just felt sorry for them. I don’t have to drink. They still do. Probably most of them were putting it the garage for a bottle a night anyway 😂

I think key is turning up in a good mood, being chatty and nice and asking lots of questions, then leaving at the key moment just after lunch when they are settling in to get trashed. You have to look for the moment - we call it the 'Cinderella' moment, where everyone has been pleased to see you and is still sad you're leaving but secretly maybe a bit glad the sober possibly judge one is nipping off. (I mean you won't be judging but that's how people feel.

There's always a bit where people start nipping to the loo/having a fag outside/getting another bottle when you can go, 'Guys, been so great, love you all, see you next time will def have a glass in hand then,' then just leg it.

Works for me as someone who sometimes drinks, sometimes doesn't!

great update. Glad to hear that you've got normal people for friends, not saddos who can't have fun without getting drunk and then get really boring.

have a great time!

I would not have a problem with someone else not drinking as I would hope they did not have a problem with me doing the opposite to them (however I do not change dramatically when tipsey and would be highly unlikely to be an out of control drunk, I don't think that has ever happened for me)

I like a drink but it doesn't bother me in the least if friends don't, why would it? I actually prefer non drinkers to people who faff around and make a big deal about it and make everyone else feel uncomfortable. They are usually the ones with the 'issues'.

Just tell them you won't be drinking. It isn't a crime!

Will they expect you to pay for their drinks though?

I'd be annoyed if it was agreed to have a boozey lunch and I've set my day up for it and then then someone backs out.

She wasn’t backing out. She just didn’t want to drink.

She wasn’t backing out. She just didn’t want to drink
She backed out of the agreement of a boozy lunch. She changed her mind about drinking. I would be annoyed because I would have been looking forward to it and the plan had changed to a normal lunch. I'd rather everyone went to a normal lunch , those that wanted could have drink or two if they wanted or postpone it to a day everyone was up for it or carry on as planned and the ones that didnt wznted a boozy session didnt come.
The dynamic is completely changed if a few feel like they want a bit to drink and one person diesnt, especially when w start with silly jokes and anecdotes that are only funny at the time to those that are tipsy.

I've excluded myself from days like this when I've not been drinking because I end up sitting there like a wet lettuce not getting the banter.

I really can’t see it that way. If I rely on others to drink so I can have a good time, that’s not a good time, it’s quite sad. You are entitled to have as many drinks as you like; being annoyed because someone else decides not to drink is ridiculous.

JudgeRindersMinder
We only have a big session once a year when all 11 of us commit to meeting up and its something to look forward to.Thats our definition if a boozy lunch ( that goes on to tea time and then supper!!)
The rest of the year no one cares, we are there for the company and not all the group are there. Maybe 4 of us, sometimes 6.
If you are meeting up regularly I wouldn't worry about it at all and I've seen your update.
Enjoy your time with your friends😀

As a side note, I remember many nights out in my 20s and my friends really ripping me if I was having a night not drinking. 30 years later the same friends have forgotten their words and hardly drink when we go out for the same reasons I didnt drink!! I like to remind them of their words sometimes!!

I've often had to stay dry both in town at different things and out at the local sailing club.

There are decent enough alcohol free beers available now (Peroni is the nicest, I think, but Heinekin also do a 0%, and I've got Leffe 0% on the Continent but not yet in Ireland).

I usually end up having either sparkling water or tonic water though. The sailing club have Fevertree elderflower tonic in larger bottles, and they will add the lime and juniper berries to that also which can be quite nice.

Or get a virgin cocktail of some sort. Most places have at least 1 if they do cocktails.

@seaweedandmarchingbands I appreciate your support, but it’s so wide of the mark.
I just find I can’t be bothered with alcohol these days-I’d rather have the freedom to drive.

I had a lovely afternoon with my friends (they really are a pair of diamonds) they had their wine and gin, and didn’t expect me to pay for it, and I had some soft drinks.

Like I said before, this is definitely my issue

I know what you mean. I’m the only non drinker in my group. You feel like you’re putting on them almost as you won’t be as fun and chatty as them.

It’s all in my head too so I totally get where you’re coming from.

Glad you had a lovely afternoon OP. Sounds fab. We all make up problems in our heads from time to time.

I kind of get the opposite to your situation OP. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and more often than not, people are really awkward about drinking in front of me (for the record, I couldn't care less if they do or don't).

If I meet up with friends for a meal, I'd be a bit bothered if they all chose to forego alcohol just because I'm there. What other people are drinking shouldn't be anyone else's concern, unless there's always one person who doesn't know when to stop and turns into an arsehole after a few too many!

Then it’s not anything “in your head”, OP. You just don’t want to. 🤷🏻‍♀️