To be thrilled at the thought of no longer being a SAHM?

[1wokeuplikethis]

My youngest is turning 4 soon and I haven’t worked since I went off for 12 months maternity leave with him.

Feel like I need to say: I feel very fortunate to have been able to spend so much time as a SAHM and watch him grow and be there for my eldest starting school - taking her, picking her up, assemblies etc. It’s been a bit of a squeeze financially, the main difference being hardly any holidays and racking up huge credit card bills.

Anyway, I am due to start a new full time job soon and my AIBU is that I am literally gagging to get started. It’s like I’ve gone the other way and 8-9hrs away from home per day sounds bliss. That’s where I feel guilty. But I’m very over softplay/toddler groups/crafting/baking/walking in the woods: essentially, spending each day thinking what can we do today that’s cheap, that will be enjoyable or educational, and I’m so bored. I’m also bored of tidying up, shopping and cooking, having to account for every penny spent, my patience with the children feels very fragile. I’m so frustrated.

I’m not necessarily looking forward to being away from my children, but to learn something new, be around adults, to do something and it stays done (maybe!), to carve a bit of me back into my psyche, and to have my own money again. I’m not looking forward to missing important assemblies or events, and probably lots of other things I’ve not even considered yet but I’m sure will be an emotional tug.

Most people say they’d love to be a SAHM, I seem to be an anomaly but is that perhaps because I’ve ‘done it’ now?

I was delighted to go back when DTs were 1, I did 3 days a week, gradually going back up to FT. SAHM is NOT for me.

Good for you! You've 'done your time' at soft plays/the woods etc it's time for the next chapter for your family. Enjoy the new job

Most people who say they'd love it, haven't done it, or if they have, not for very long, I find!

I completely understand how you feel (I say that as a reluctantly long term SAHP), and am thrilled for you that you've achieved escape velocity!

Not U at all!

I would offer a word of caution, working when you have kids is not the same as before without kids. It’s usually quite a juggling act and much more tiring.

I love working p/t and was pleased to go back when my son was 10 months old. The hardest part is covering illness, the dreaded phone call from the nursery asking for him to be picked up early. But with your youngest turning four you are presumably past the worst of the illnesses. If you can get a good routine going with wraparound care you should be fine. You could always use annual leave or take unpaid leave for important events.

I see what you are saying but not sure if you will be leaving the cooking etc behind completely, or will your family be getting some help for stuff like that? As sometimes it can feel more like taking two jobs on. Depends on the support from family or extra help of course.

So pleased for you! Currently on maternity leave and I’m so utterly depressed. My hat goes off to all SAHPs as it’s certainly for me.

I’m currently a SAHM with 2 DC and will be for at least another 12 months, if not 24. I’m also starting to look forward to getting back into work, although it won’t be teaching again thank you very much.
So I get you. You’re ready for a change, for the next chapter. Congrats on the job, I hope it goes well.

Totally not U. I SAH, with some work in the evenings / at weekends. I have a very good routine that keeps me sane - but if something shifts (activity off/friend away) I lose my marbles very quickly.

I'm finding this really interesting as I'm finishing work soon after returning from mat leave in March after my third child. I'm really apprehensive about it but it'll be like we're swapping. I actually find working harder with 2 at school and one at nursery than I did when I had 2 at nursery.

I absolutely loathed the 3 years I spent as a SAHP and couldn't wait to get back to work. I was bored out of my tree when i wasn't a screaming harpy still in PJs at 5pm with mashed weetabix in my hair.

Have fun!

I closed my successful business in 2016 after having my son in 2015 so I have been out of work and purely a SAHM now for 3+ years. I love when the youngest is at preschool for a day as with the other 2 being older, I have the house to myself and can get on with house stuff. I've been looking for jobs but as I can't get childcare for the youngest (without paying out more a week than I can possibly earn) and work around my husbands 4 week rotating shift pattern of days and nights, I've, unsurprisingly not found anything that would allow to me to work around school and shifts. However, a job has just come up here that is perfect for me, it's part time and can be worked so you do school hours and is in the area I worked in before self employment and the financial side I dealt with in my own business. I've applied and am so excited at the thought of being invited to interview. I could potentially work the 2 days he goes to school and add an additional day at preschool and still end up better off each week even after paying for him to stay for a 7 hour day. I'm really excited about being 'someone' again and feeling like I contribute more than just housework and cooking duties. In my younger years I was so ambitious and was going to do this and that, since having my son, I feel like I'm nothing, 'just' a Mum, 'just' a housewife. I'm really looking forward to him starting school full time next September and maybe getting a part of me back that disappeared years ago.
So long story short, no I don't think it's terrible to be excited about not being a full time SAHM :)

I’ve Just started a genuine work from home job and so although I’m not getting away for hours earning my own money is a fabulous feeling rather than being oh no I can’t buy that it’s like well it’s my money 😆

I couldn’t stick it either, OP.
I went back part time when DD was 4 months old. I continued working until I was 36 weeks pregnant with DD2, then had a few months maternity leave before going back again.
DH died when DD2 was 11 months old, so I had to rapidly increase my hours to earn enough to support two kids on my salary alone.
It was gruelling, but work helped to keep me sane - at least it got me out of the house and distracted me with some adult company. My grief would have overwhelmed me at home.

YANBU. I've done it the other way round and worked through the nursery years and for various reasons stopped after the oldest finished his first years in school.

Different things and stages of parenting suit different people. I remember the feeling of freedom heading off to work after nursery drop off... even if it was to spend the day teaching teenagers

On balance being a SAHM works best for us as a family, but there are days when the salary and professionalism of work still have an appeal.

Yanbu at all! I've taken 6m mat leave with each of mine and gone back fulltime after each.

I'm currently on a weeks holiday from work as it is half term and I'm bloody worn put already! Roll on Monday.

Most people say they’d love to be a SAHM

I honestly don't think I've ever heard anyone say that the SAHPs I know have generally done it short-term because they were made redundant or struggled to find employment. I would personally regard it as a fate worse than death. Of course yanbu to be delighted to go back to work for all the reasons you mention. Best wishes enjoy it!

not unreasonable at all. i went back after mat leave part time and hadn't realised how much i missed it. for DC #2 I'm planning on going back after 9mo instead of 1 year. i don't want to be full time (ever) but i don't want to be the maid at home either. a word of warning though it can be very tough, particularly if your partner's job is the 'big' job... it's always me who has to cancel/rearrange things for DS. also if you haven't a already got one get a cleaner! outsource everything you can in fact! grandmas do a lot of our childcare and i'm very grateful but actually i prefer his days at nursery.. they are more reliable!

It’s like I’ve gone the other way and 8-9hrs away from home per day sounds bliss.

it's much less bliss if you spend your evenings with cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, homework etc - I can promise you that (I have never been a Sahm, btw).

Really heartened by the replies here and feeling much less of a ghoul. It’s the “expectations” around being a mum that has caused any guilt that I feel, that you have a child and they should be the centre of your universe and you should want to be with them 24/7etc, you know what I mean. And I have genuinely felt like that at points, but I’m seven years into the mothering lark and itching to add something else to who I am. Mother and wife has defined me for a while, and my confidence has diminished somewhat - it will be a joy to have some professional respect (perhaps). After being ruled by mini dictators for so many years, who are utterly unreasonable, I have a glint of hope that being amongst adults who have to behave in an adult manner will be entirely refreshing.

But people I’ve spoken to, mainly school mums are the ones who are wistful of being SAHP’s and have had a good chortle at me saying I can’t wait to work; all “give it three months, make that one week! Har har ho ho” all in good jest I’m sure, but has stuck in my craw a bit.

I have the childcare arranged - unfortunately grandparents aren’t an option - and we intend on getting a cleaner as we did when I returned to work after my first. Get the shopping delivered and thankfully I’m married to someone who isn’t afraid of rolling his sleeves up domestically or as a father. My mum has warned me against working full time, saying I’ll feel like a hamster in a wheel, but both my parents worked full time and did ok from my perspective.

Omg I feel you OP. I was home for 6 years before retraining and returning to work and I think I was miserable for probably the last 4 of those.

Yes my life is a stressful juggling act now but I honestly am so much happier and I feel so much more alive.

When people say they are 'lucky' to not have to go back to work I always laugh internally.

that you have a child and they should be the centre of your universe and you should want to be with them 24/7etc, you know what I mean.

Bollocks to that. I adore my seven year old, but that in no way means I am any less professionally-driven or less strongly invested in other elements of my life. And I'm all the better a mother, frankly, because I'm not devoted to his every need.

I was a SAHM for several years and loved it at the time. But now I'm back at work and so happy! Like you OP I think I'd 'done' that.