To be thrilled at the thought of no longer being a SAHM?

[1wokeuplikethis]

My youngest is turning 4 soon and I haven’t worked since I went off for 12 months maternity leave with him.

Feel like I need to say: I feel very fortunate to have been able to spend so much time as a SAHM and watch him grow and be there for my eldest starting school - taking her, picking her up, assemblies etc. It’s been a bit of a squeeze financially, the main difference being hardly any holidays and racking up huge credit card bills.

Anyway, I am due to start a new full time job soon and my AIBU is that I am literally gagging to get started. It’s like I’ve gone the other way and 8-9hrs away from home per day sounds bliss. That’s where I feel guilty. But I’m very over softplay/toddler groups/crafting/baking/walking in the woods: essentially, spending each day thinking what can we do today that’s cheap, that will be enjoyable or educational, and I’m so bored. I’m also bored of tidying up, shopping and cooking, having to account for every penny spent, my patience with the children feels very fragile. I’m so frustrated.

I’m not necessarily looking forward to being away from my children, but to learn something new, be around adults, to do something and it stays done (maybe!), to carve a bit of me back into my psyche, and to have my own money again. I’m not looking forward to missing important assemblies or events, and probably lots of other things I’ve not even considered yet but I’m sure will be an emotional tug.

Most people say they’d love to be a SAHM, I seem to be an anomaly but is that perhaps because I’ve ‘done it’ now?

I've been a SAHM for nearly a year. I've loved it and loathed it in equal measures. I went back to full time work when DS was 11 months old, did that for a year and a bit, then had to give it up as my MH was shot to pieces. That said, DS was a lot younger, and I was living with a tyrant of a partner.

Now DS is 3 I can start looking for some work, on my terms (not my partners) and will get some hours funded by nursery which will help. I've got two interviews lined up and whilst I'm not looking forward to the mental load being entirely mine, I am looking forward to having a bit of a break from just being Mum. My DS flourishes at nursery (and frankly, has gotten bored of my valiant attempts to keep him occupied in the past 3 months or so) so I know he'll have a good time and be better stimulated there.

It's going to be tough but I can't wait to be a bit more like me again.