To think it’s impossible to block dodgy websites on teenagers phones and wonder how we are supposed to protect them

[Br3athd33p1y]

I always go to them for tech advice. Appreciate advice from schools etc re certain sites but how do you protect kids in reality?

I think you can only protect them by educating them so they can properly understand what they're seeing. I don't think you can protect them from seeing stuff, if not on their own devices they'll see their friends' phone and all...

But isn’t there a danger they get put in a vulnerable position or used to what they see.They’re still kids.

You are quite right and there is strong evidence that over exposure to (for instance) pornography will desensitise them and provide them with a totally wrong view of normal relationships / sex. There are some basic controls you can use but most are easily circumvented. Some web browsers such as Firefox have adult screening content "add ons" that will monitor key phrases and redirect the browser to something safe and innocuous. Others will use a web sites voluntary rating system to guide youngsters away - this latter doesn't really work as its voluntary. It's sadly down to the people around the DC to try to set clear guidelines and good examples - not easy given the influence that will be coming from their friends.

It’s the streaming sites that worry me, why isn’t there anything in place?

Protection isn't really about stopping them for experiencing it, it's about setting them up to be able to deal with it well. They should be able to understand what is happening, how to tell and adult about, and if it's bothering them how to communicate it in a safe space (which you should create for them).

Honestly, it's very difficult to just 'find' horrible things on the internet. They have to be looked for, or they are shown to you based on what you've already been looking at. There is dodgy stuff on social media, of course, but if they are too young to be seeing these things then they shouldn't have social media, or they should reconsider who they are following and what they are looking at.

What about streaming sites worries you? Do you mean tv/film ones like Netflix? or Youtube?

If they are young enough that it's a worry, they shouldn't have unsupervised access.

No the sites you can talk to strangers. Teens can feel lonely and older teens have more independence. How do you balance and protect.

Honestly, it's very difficult to just 'find' horrible things on the internet.

What planet are you on? Have you got blocks up in your home and forgotten what the open internet is like? If you're surfing Youtube for instance, and simply follow links, it isn't long before something crops up.

The open internet is bad because it really isn't representative of real life. It's not normal humdrum lives that end up on there and grab attention. It's all very well to say we need to teach kids how to deal with stuff, but if they have complete freedom on the internet they will end up being overwhelmed and having all the crap rubbed in their faces. msmith501 is all too right. I'm not sure how we're going to put this genie back in its bottle to be honest, beyond collectively acknowledging the amount of crap out there and it's impacts, and restricting use by under 18s.

Do you mean if children actively search for things?

Is that to me? No, I mean if they browse. Start on one video, follow a link, follow a link from that, etc etc.

Which is similar to actively searching TBH. I'm on youtube a lot and have never seen anything inappropriate without searching.

You could block youtube from their phone but teenagers are going to search out dodgy things, they always have.

It’s the dodgy streaming sites you read sac bout in the negus and warnings from at school. You can filter out porn words etc but stop access to sites where they can talk to strangers, how?

You can put screentime on their phone and restrict websites to appropriate content.

I think we as a society have a collective madness when it comes to phones. We have gone so far along the line of giving young teens free access to the internet that we cannot envisage the entirely sensible step of drawing back and giving them smart phones once we have actually educated them. It’s a form of cowardice, really. My child isn’t have a smart phone just because her mates have them. I don’t care what anyone says.

"My child isn’t have a smart phone just because her mates have them."

Good for you, I think I'd want to do that.

OP it sounds like you want to block them from going on chat sites? I'm not sure how you'd block those.

I think a lot of parents don't realise how easy it can be to bypass software that restricts sites. There are instructions online for most software and kids in the school I worked in showed me how you can get past it or install a VPN etc. Or they see things simply because other children around them don't have restrictions on their phones. It is really difficult.

So I agree that primarily it is about education and sensible precautions, like sitting with younger children while they stream and talking to older ones about things like personal safety and porn.

Which is similar to actively searching TBH. I'm on youtube a lot and have never seen anything inappropriate without searching

It isn't similar to searching at all, if you're following supposedly similar links. It's usually something to encourage: one of the problems we face now is that people are not browsing in the same way and so are not regularly being led into different information and material that they would not choose for themselves. Direct searching means you already know have experience of what you're looking for. But with the amount of crap on the internet it easily leads down dark alleys. It works in similar fashion to that old trope about how many social links do you have to make before you meet a celebrity or whatever it was.

There is something in place to stop kids seeing these things.

It's you, as a parent.

You'd prevent your child going into a sex shop and wouldn't let them walk in until they're old enough to understand it, the same applies with the internet.

You just supervise your kids and don't let them have a phone until they're old enough to use it responsibly. But work on their understanding of these things in case they see it on a friends phone etc and teach them to make the right decisions regarding e.g. telling you about that.

"You'd prevent your child going into a sex shop and wouldn't let them walk in until they're old enough to understand it, the same applies with the internet."

This is interesting especially if it's chat sites. I don't imagine friends will let her on smartphones long enough for chat sites, the argument isn't like "other people will show her".

Of course you teach them how to use the internet properly but when they get to 15/16 it is almost impossible to police and to know for sure what they’re up to. They need screens for school, you can’t just remove them. Being a proactive parent isn’t enough.

Is there software to block such sites?

You talk to them, you discuss things with them, you educate and keep an open arms policy to talk about anything with them. You give them the emotional tools they need to be able to handle and process the things that they're going to stumble over (even if you block everything you can think of). That's how :) Censorship is never the way forward, conversational education is.

OP the school is insisting on smartphones?

That's awful.

My DD is 8 and has a phone- please no judgment as I know she's young but unless she has a phone I don't get to speak to her when she goes to her dad's. In some ways her having a phone at this age is a positive thing though as it has allowed me to set rules to follow. I also have her phone on my Google Family plan which is free and means she can't download apps or access any websites without me approving them on my phone first. She doesn't mind this and recognises it as a condition of having the phone. I intend to loosen the strings slowly with this and give her more trust as she gets older alongside teaching her to use her freedom responsibly. There are some great resources online about talking to your guild about online safety in an age appropriate way. I think by time DD is a teen I'll be able to trust her to behave sensibly online

Kitk, is it a smartphone?

You can't stop people from sending kids inappropriate things . All you can do is ensure their SM accounts are private, that their contacts are only people they know irl and their profile pictures don't show their faces or that they are children. It only takes one of their friends to not have a private account and that exposes everyone on their contact list. You have to tell your kids not to communicate with anyone they don't know and to not open messages from people who are not their real life friends.

I think you have to give kids access to sm while they are still young enough to listen to their parents and they think that permission is still yours to give. The kids who get into trouble are the ones who never had any freedom until the age where they suddenly got all the freedom. You have to teach them how to use things responsibly and hope for the best to a degree because this stuff can't be uninvented.
When everyone else's kid has smart phones and even homework from school requires the use of one, you are socially isolating your child if you are the parent who won't let their child use it.