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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should my boyfriend contribute to my bills?

121 replies

ILikePaperHats · 21/10/2019 19:50

Hi, just need some advice really as I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable. My boyfriend doesn't live with me but often comes to mine 1-2 days in the week and stays at mine most of the weekend too. He lives in a shared house with one other house mate and only pays about £300 a month plus bills. I am divorced with 2 kids (their dad has them 2 nights every week and pays minimal maintenance) and am self employed so my income fluctuates but usually only about 16k a year. My boyfriend earns twice as much as me and has no dependants. He buys food quite often although I regularly give him half the money, and he makes use of my shower (I'm on a water meter), gas and electricity. I am hardly ever invited to his house as he says there's nothing to do(!) there, and it's true that my house is nicer, more homely, near nice bars and restaurants etc. I have no inclination to ask him to move in as I like my independent life and don't want to rely financially on a man but AIBU to expect him to contribute a bit to bills? When he's at mine using my utilities he's not having to pay for his own. He bought me a hot tub last summer which was very generous of him but it's cost me a fortune to run and I'm currently £250 in debt on my gas and electric bill and with winter coming up I'm quite worried. Often he will turn up at mine and if the heating isn't on he will turn on my electric fire without asking. I have asked him to give me £100 towards my electric bill as he had lots of use of the hot tub this summer but he's making out I'm being really mean to ask and that he shouldn't have to pay that much as he doesn't think it's all because of the hot tub. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikePaperHats · 21/10/2019 21:40

So I've had a word and he said he will pay me £100 at the end of the month ('like he said he would'). I said I think he's talking advantage of me a bit and he said 'really?' And I tried to explain why. Now he's just gone quiet on me.

OP posts:
areyoubeingserviced · 21/10/2019 21:41

Tbh Op, you need to dump him

longtimelurkerhelen · 21/10/2019 21:43

Of course he has gone quiet, he's been rumbled.

areyoubeingserviced · 21/10/2019 21:44

He has gone all quiet because he’s concerned that the gravy train has reached the last stop.
Stinginess is such an unattractive trait.
I don’t know how you can bear him

timshelthechoice · 21/10/2019 21:47

Get rid of him. He had no intention of paying you. 'I'm not happy with this anymore. I never wanted a hot tub anyhow. Think it's time for you to go ahead and take it back and finish things off here. I cannot afford to pay to have a boyfriend.'

He honestly should have been offering, no matter what the income disparity. It's one thing to offer and be told 'no' another to come over 4x a week and just turn expensive appliances on.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 21/10/2019 21:48

Are you declaring this to the DWP/ HMRC? If he's contributing to the household then you must.

PixieDustt · 21/10/2019 21:51

He didn't buy the hot tub for you OP he had no where to store it and said it was a gift for you Hmm.

Shantotto · 21/10/2019 21:51

If he thinks the hot tub is half his then so are the running costs and if he won’t contribute sell it.

MutedUser · 21/10/2019 21:51

I have seen on another thread you get tax credits so you would be best declaring that income so you don’t commit benefit fraud. If he is already staying over 4 nights and has stuff at your house. It’s really not worth committing fraud over.

timshelthechoice · 21/10/2019 21:56

Oh, yeah, you can lose your TC if he starts contributing. Get rid now.

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2019 22:02

You need to tell him to pay for half the hot tub heating and not to put the heating on when he comes over, but I don't think you can charge him for showers, or utilities youre using when you're there, like lights.

Justaboy · 21/10/2019 22:06

Sounds like a Cocklodger in the making!

Theres another thred running just like this one!

billy1966 · 21/10/2019 22:08

I'll bet he's gone quiet 🙄

MutedUser · 21/10/2019 22:13

I guess the only solution would be to split your time between the houses . Make his house feel more homely .

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 21/10/2019 22:15

Oh Op, he's totally taking the piss out of you. You'd be better dumping him and saving yourself some money. You deserve better.

MsPepperPotts · 21/10/2019 22:24

He's gone quiet on you because you have called him out on his tight fisted behaviour
Basically he stays at yours probably more than half the week and buys a bit of food.
He's bought himself a hot tub and uses your electricity and home to store it.
Don't pay half of anything in future, don't put yourself in more debt for this CF Cocklodger.
The only way to stop this is to not let him stay at yours and also you need to sell the hot tub because you cannot afford to run it. You will always be in debt with someone like him in your house.

GabriellaMontez · 21/10/2019 22:30

Sell the hot tub. Cheeky, skinflint. And stop paying him petrol money like you're colleagues. Let him pay for all the food if he's using your place. Or better still just bin him.

WagtailRobin · 21/10/2019 22:35

He bought you a hot tub but seemingly can't understand the concept of costs incurred through him using the facilities at your home.

I personally wouldn't ask him to contribute, I would however be telling him not to turn on the heat, not to over use my shower, etc and I would be selling the hot tub. You need to clear your debt more than you need a hot tub!

nedflandereses · 22/10/2019 00:11

God I'd bin him. Nothing worse than stinginess. He sounds tight and mean. And a user. He seems to think he's doing you a favour by being around.

ExtinctionN0tT0day · 22/10/2019 02:07

Hot tubs cost a lot to run & maintain

A luxury, especially if you are only earning 16k

You could probably afford a holiday for the price of running the hot tub

Were you fully aware of the costs, before you agreed to have it installed ?

SnowyRacoon · 22/10/2019 02:19

Yabu, you expect him to pay for using your facility's at your house on the days you have dates with him?

Monty27 · 22/10/2019 02:36

Id tell him the hot tub needs to go as you can't afford to run it. Suggest selling it and using any money made is used to get your meters back in the black.
Any disagreement and I'd kick him to the kerb.

Coyoacan · 22/10/2019 02:47

Sponging off a low income single mother is pretty low.

Wingedharpy · 22/10/2019 03:00

Sell the hot tub and give him a kettle and a bucket to paddle in.
He can keep those at his place.

Stuckinarut81 · 22/10/2019 03:11

Sounds shit OP. I have a bf who stays here probably 2-3 nights a week. He is really shit with money and always skint (one of the reasons I don’t want to live with him!), but despite that he’s as generous as he can be. He often picks up bits of shopping that need getting, and every now and again will bung me some money towards utilities and food. I’m definitely not profiting from him being around but I don’t think he’s costing me anything either.

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