To wonder if this counts as a disability enough to use the disabled loo?

[Lemononachair]

Inspired by another thread! I have been considering getting myself a radar key so I have access to a toilet when out where there otherwise might not be one, but I'm not sure whether or not I Wbu to do so as I don't know if it 'counts' as a disability as such.

I have a medically diagnosed hyperactive bladder condition, essentially it's urge incontinence. I take muscle relaxant medication to try and control this but it doesn't always help and I have wet myself in public before. As you can imagine this is hugely embarrassing and I'm always nervous about it happening again. It doesn't seem to matter how much or what I drink, whether I do pelvic floor exercises etc (I actually have several kegel toner devices and I believe my pelvic floor is pretty strong) but sometimes the urge is just too strong and I cannot wait or hold it. Sometimes I can need to go 3 times in an hour even if I don't drink anything at all and the urge will come on very quickly and intensely.

Wibu to get myself a key?

@Wheat2Harvest. You obviously have no issues with your bowel , well bully for you. It’s a horrific experience to need to empty your bowel very urgently, with no control,and basically explosive diarrhoea, that’s what my ‘invisible disability’ means.

In the ops case she will have no control either, and disabled access toilets are those with both visible and invisible disabilities

I really hope you suffer one day, then you might be a nicer person

I use them to change ds who isn't toilet trained and also if I need the loo because ds is too old to go in the ladies with me and can't be left alone.

I imagine using a disabled toilet if you have a bowel condition is a lot less stress i never understand stall toilets where you can hear everything !

YANBU.

This is exactly why I've just got one.

And @Wheat2Harvest , like @IJustWantToWearDungarees , @WWlOOlWW , and @AbsentmindedWoman , I also find you " not doing invisible disabilities" really offensive.

Dressed I look largely fine, but underneath the clothes are a series of braces to stop my joints subluxing or straight out dislocating, I wear 7 in total at times. I experience high levels of pain most of the time, and also have several other ( gasp!) invisible issues.
I have Ehlers -Danlos. Like Crohn's , IBS and I'm sure many conditions other posters can add - mostly you wouldn't know it to look at me.

Attitudes like your ' I don't do invisible disability" are ableist and ignorant. And that's being polite about it.

To the PP who asked if I wear incontinence pads..no I don't. I could and probably should but I just can't bring myself to do it, I'm only mid 30's and the idea of wearing pads like an elderly lady is soul crushing Plus when I have an accident it tends to be a full bladder emptying rather than a small leakage so I don't think it would help very much.

Of course peeing myself in public leaves my self esteem in tatters too tbf, I vividly remember wetting myself once and having to walk all the way home in pee soaked trousers. Most humiliating experience of my life although it did finally push me to go and see the gp to try and find a solution.

YANBU. I worked in a urology department and we had to do a few letters for patients explaining that they had trouble with incontinence and needed easy access to toilets. Toilet mapping was a thing as well.

Please get yourself some pads always or tenna are sanitary towel size but more absorbent and will give you a bit of security you are not giving in but aiding your life slightly.

So many judgemental responses! I have a colostomy, so an invisible disability, which means I sometimes have no choice but to use the disabled loos. I also have a small child and the amount of times I got people shaking their heads at me when I was pregnant or out with the baby and came out of a disabled loo, coz obviously I MUST have been taking the piss...

@TheDarkPassenger

Clearly no one has been to Wetherspoons where the toilets are 7,000 miles away

Ha ha this is very true! My local spoons has an accessible toilet on the ground floor and a ladies loo up 3 flights of stairs! No way would somebody with an urgent continence issue make it!

Yes, you are absolutely entitled to a key. My daughter had one for the same, suggested by her hospital consultant.

YANBU. I have IBD and having a RADAR key has allowed me to carry on pretty much as normal at times when I might have otherwise been worried about simply leaving the house. Of course I don't use the accessible loo when there's no queue as I don't need the features that are in place for those with mobility issues, but that doesn't mean I don't need it when I do!

One big benefit for me is that a lot of disabled public toilets can be opened 24x7 with the key whereas the ladies are only open during office hours.

To my mind Thatits all about accessability and availabity - if you're incapable of getting through the door to use a regular loo or if you need to use a loo there and then ie have little/no bladder or continence control its a pretty good reason for using a disabled loo.

Undoubtedly there'd be other reasons if I thought of them. Its getting to the point now where everyone thinks they have a valid reason for using them or getting a key so getting access is less than ideal.

A friend's child with autism who can't enter a room with an electric dryer.

Would anyone have a problem with a child without autism using the disabled loos for that reason? I sometimes had to with DS (not radar ones) as he was absolutely terrified of hand dryers and would end up hysterical, and when they're three or four you can't really drag them round multiple public toilets trying to find one that had nobody in. And of course I couldn't go to the loo and leave him outside at that age.

Hi you can buy them in Morrisons or on amazon.
Amazon is cheaper. I have the same condition and brought myself one.

I absolutely think you should get a radar key OP. I'm kicking myself for not getting one for DC1 who has had bowel and bladder issues. I've used a disabled toilet with her on lots of occasions and the attitude I've had from some people who judged us to be queue skipping was pretty constant. No way was I subjecting her to stalls when she needed a change of clothing and cleaned up. Get that key OP.

I’m so sorry that my able to walk 24yr old daughter doesn’t meet your threshold for acceptable disabilities Wheat2Harvest. We often get dirty looks from people like you, as we look like a healthy middle aged woman and a 14yes old that are taking the piss. I’ll just give her a good kick on the ankle or something to make her look disabled. Of course you can’t see her autism, SNs, epilepsy or other issues and wouldn’t be aware that she will sit in someone’s urine if I don’t clean the seat, change her own pads or clean herself, but you go right ahead and judge her invisible disabilities if it helps you feel superior.

I dont understand why you need to ask, this is the reason we have disabled loos. Honestly some people seem petrified to use disabled loos for no reason. If you need to use it, use it.

You should definitely get one OP. My mum has an artificial bladder, following bladder cancer, and at times she gets very little warning before the bladder needs to be emptied. She tends to know where the loos are when out and about and it definitely restricts her 'mobility' in that she has to plan her days out and journeys around it. I would definitely suggest for her to get one too if she lived in the UK.

We have a radar key for DD who is autistic and terrified of hand driers. She also suffers with some sort of anxiety based need to go to the toilet at very frequently intervals. So when she needs to go, she needs to go immediately. So far we haven't had any looks when using it but I'd be prepared to snap back if questioned