AIBU about the lack of RSVPs?

[PottersonDayz]

DH & I eloped a few weeks ago and we're having a wedding reception next month.

On the invitation we requested that all RSVPs are in by tomorrow but half of our guests invited haven't bothered to let us know one way or another.

I gave loads of details to make it easier for everyone, I gave them our email address; home address and mobile telephone number along with our wedding website that has an RSVP option. I even set up a Facebook event page.

We have to confirm numbers for seating; catering etc but I really don't know what to do to try and get people to RSVP.

I have a feeling that they think it's just a normal evening reception but we're incorporating some of the daytime elements such as speeches etc into it so we need to make sure everyone is seated for that too.

It's frustrating, maybe I am BU but this is the first time I've organised a big event.

You may find you get a big rush today and tomorrow.

Other than that just chase them. Could put a reminder on Facebook today, then will have to call them all after date. Had this recently with a party. Even more annoying was the ten that just didn't turn up, after saying yes, and me paying catering.

Thank you @moobar I'll start gently chasing them up - I'm just afraid I'll come across as a Bridezilla but I just don't want us to have to pay for food and drinks for people who don't turn up or not to have enough for those do turn up without RSVPing

Group message on WhatsApp.
'Hi everyone! Just finalising numbers for wedding, I've got to let the venue know tonight! Please could you send me a quick Yes/No to let me know if you can make it!. Thanks'

As others have said, a short message saying you have to let the venue know numbers for seating and catering by tomorrow, and if you are attending, please let us know by the end of today.
We’ve had this before and it’s always worst with kids parties. We just send a class WhatsApp message saying the above. We usually get a few more replies from that.

Could also be that people are upset they weren't invited to the wedding and feel you are holding this to receive wedding gifts?

I have a feeling that they think it's just a normal evening reception but we're incorporating some of the daytime elements such as speeches etc into it so we need to make sure everyone is seated for that too.

^The fact half your guests haven’t even replied says alot. They obviously aren’t bothered and probably don’t view your reception as important as you have already eloped to get married.

Used to organise events for a living. Last minute/last RSVPs are the norm. A gentle chase (text/email) in a few days is a good plan. People will drop out in the last few days too. It’s just how it is.

Well you’re already married so really it’s just a dinner party. That’s probably what they think. They should still have let you know one way or the other

Not everyone uses WhatsApp

@Elodie2019 & @Sleepyhead19 thank you, I think that might help with some of the outstanding invites.

@MsChatterbox we had a traumatic start to our year which I won’t go into so we gave everyone the heads up of what we planned to do and they all seemed delighted for us and understood why we wanted something more intimate and personal and were delighted that we were still having a reception - most people asked if we’d have a party when we got back.

@misspiggy19 I probably exaggerated by saying half but at least 50 of the 200 have still to come back to us. It sounds really awful and shallow to say (and I know I’ll probably get comments back for this ) but all the important people have come back to us - and are going - the outstanding ones are more distant relatives and obligation invitations. It would still be nice to have an answer either way.

@Countryescape I have a feeling that they’re thinking that too but it really would be good to know one way or another.

@MangoSalsa thank you, I’m probably just being overly anxious (something I’m really guilty of!)

@BruceandNosh very true, I think I might have to rope in both our Mums and Sisters to help me get a hold of everyone.

I think what I’m going to have to do is chase up gently and then if I don’t get them to RSVP cater as if they’re coming.

We honestly didn't mean to upset anyone but eloping but it's been one hell of a rollercoaster year so we needed to do what was right for us.

@MsChatterbox I should have also said that we included a wee poem with our invitations to say we didn't really need gifts.

Phone them and ask directly.,

better than waiting around for screen based responses.

About 80% of my wedding invites replied, ones that didn’t turned up anyway.

If they don’t reply, they’ll. it get a meal on the day.

*they’ll not

@Weymo thank you, a lot of those who have already RSVP'd have sent little cards to us. But I agree perhaps a telephone call will be the best way.

Even if it's "just a dinner party" it still is ridiculously rude.

The only thing to do is chase them up unfortunately.

When people can't be bothered to RSVP, it means they are waiting for a better offer!

I'd suggest you do the last minute "venue needs numbers" texting but add to it that you need to do the table plans, so they know it's seated, and if they don't reply then they won't have a place. Then stick to the final numbers (allow an additional 10 so you have some wriggle-room but don't mention this). Do NOT pay for the 200 in the hope that they'll come! If people you haven't heard from say to you in the week before that they are coming, you'll have to tell them that unfortunately it's too late now to make changes - unless you like them enough that they can be part of the 10 extras you put to one side!
Good luck, and enjoy the run-up to the party!

Thank you @ThatMuppetShow I keep thinking that too - I wouldn't not RSVP to something even if I couldn't make it, I can't get my head around people think it's ok not to RSVP.

Thank you @Lysianthus I didn't think of pushing the table plans excuse (although they're a nightmare to do!).

I would ask them directly. If you do general reminders some people will still not respond.

to be fair, a handful might genuinely be waiting to know if they can - some people get late shift roster or late work notice. But the majority of people is just thoughtless! It drives me mad.

YANBU I had the opposite problem I had my wedding on Friday I catered for everyone who said they where coming and then had people just not turn up at all and I’ve not heard a thing from them about why they didn’t turn up.

I’m terrible for remembering to do things like this. I try to do it as soon as I receive the invitation otherwise I’ll just never remember, not unless the invitee prompts me and I’ll be super apologetic and feel guilty. I have a tendency to put things to one side with a promise to come back to it later but life happens.

Not everyone uses WhatsApp

Then group text

with all due respect Whattodoabout, people like you still find time to post on MN and waste time everywhere. I don't want to pick on you, just saying I don't like the "life happens" excuse - we all have the same amount of hours in a day!

It really is not difficult to go through your to-do-list at the very least once a week and deal with the admin then.

You may have provided loads of details but it doesn’t sound like they know it is more than an evening party and that you are having speeches etc. Life is busy and an evening do invite gets filed in the back of my head and it’s easy to forget. You will need to chase up but do let people know what to expect.