How do slim people think?

[Episcomama]

...because I really do think there is a difference between how slim and overweight people think. I am very overweight - BMI of 33. So obese rather than overweight, technically.

I've been off and on diets all my adult life, and the only thing I've really had success with is intermittent fasting and keto. When I stick to it, it works. The problem isn't my body, it's my mind. It's as though there's a switch that gets flicked from time to time. A voice in my head telling me to eat in case of famine. Food occupies much of my waking hours - once I've had a meal I'm thinking ahead to the next one.

A dear friend is very slim and once mentioned that she just doesn't really find satisfaction in food in the way I do (comfort, commiseration, celebration, whatever.) When I spent the weekend with her recently, it really became apparent how differently we see food. She was mildly horrified at both the quantity and frequency of my meals whereas I couldn't understand how she was satisfied with what she ate.

Eating disorders aside, do you think there's a difference between a "thin mind" and a "fat mind", to express it crudely. And if you have a thin mind and used to have a fat mind, can you share with me how you flicked that switch?

The other thing I do that helps is if I’ve batch cooked, I divide up whatever it is into the number of portions straight away with lids next to the freezer tubs so I don’t just eat it all there and then.

I’m a normal weight rather than particularly slim. BMI 23, size 10 (but short).

I love food. But ...

I enjoy healthy food as much as the less good stuff.

I don’t like the feeling of being overly full, so I avoid that.

I don’t need a lot of (particularly sweet) food to feel satisfied. People talk about eating whole tubs of ice cream or packets of biscuits and I can’t even imagine doing that. I rarely finish dessert.

Crisps are the one thing I’d eat a lot of, so I try to avoid mostly.

I’m not an emotional eater and my relationship with food is quite straightforward. Thankfully.

I don't think the difference in mind set is between thin people and fat people. It is between people with a disordered relationship with food and those without that.

I have a BMI of about 19. I don't weigh myself often so I can't be sure. Last weighed myself in early September and the time before that was in 2018, but it seems to stay fairly constant and I get the same clothes. I rarely have time for any exercise other than dog walking. I was never any good at ball sports at school. I cycled to work before having kids (about 45 minutes each way so about 7.5 hours cycling each week). My weight and clothes size is the same now as it was then. It was less when I was breastfeeding but doing no cycling.

I enjoy good food, but I don't fear being hungry. Equally, I don't feel guilty about eating - I never turn down a pudding or a cheese board or both. I enjoy cooking when I have time, but I find the need to prepare food for the family each day tiresome (my husband doesn't cook). I don't think about food between meals unless it is put in front of me (biscuits at work) or I need to plan meals for the family.

@Overthinker1988
I can relate to that a lot! I always just wanted to be like everyone else when I was growing up. I definitely also found that if you bring up wanting to lose weight with people then they often just roll their eyes at you or whatever, so I just stopped saying it, and then felt left out of any conversation about weight or calories.

@zurigirl I reckon there are lots of us, it can be hard but learning to love my body the way it is has helped a lot.

I don't think I have a disordered relationship with food. I think I have an appetite that doesn't match my metabolism. I'm a 6ft, male, rugby player trapped in the body of a 5ft 4 woman. If I eat until I'm satisfied then I gain weight. That's not eating until I'm stuffed, not eating loads of junk - I love healthy food. Just eating until I'm no longer hungry means weight gain. This has been the case my whole life. I am a healthy weight now but maintaining it means a lot of exercise, feeling hungry and conscious restriction. My sister does this automatically without having to think about it, she hates feeling full.

@PunkHairToday I didn’t ask for your advice on whether my diet is healthy or not, I listed what I ate. I’m perfectly capable of knowing what makes a healthy diet and don’t need someone to advise me on a thread which is not discussing individuals nutrition

@Answerthequestion Feel better now? Have a lovely day !

I have always been slim and am now in my 40s. I would say that I eat what I want, but this is overwhelmingly helped by the fact that what I want is very little. So if I had an open packet of biscuits I would eat one or two max and would not even think about eating anymore and I would have no problems with that and certainly wouldn't come to that decision because I was thinking about calories. But I am like this in everything, very moderated without even thinking of putting any limits to myself, I just have them instilled in me automatically if that makes sense? So the idea of eating a whole packet of biscuits is as alien to me as considering going to the shops and spending £500 in one go without a second thought, it is just not going to happen. I'm probably very boring!
So I do think that my thinness is thanks to my way of thinking rather than anything I am consciously doing to be thin.

@vapourtrail I'm just like this too. I never fancy more than one biscuit or more than a few squares of chocolate. If my mum sees me stop at one biscuit she'll always talk about what amazing self restraint I have or iron will power. But the fact is us takes no restraint! I genuinely don't want more than one.

You need to do something, you know that, as it's ticking time bomb for your health.

I know PunkHair , honestly I do. Its the working out how I am going to do it , that I struggle with. This thread has been interesting though and made me realise a few things about my eating habits other than the fairly obvious I eat far too much. Quite simple changes I could make too, like smaller bowls , not eating when distracted, having a drink before deciding I am hungry, cut right back on the empty calories like wine, do a bit of exercise.

that sounds like a good place to start frumpety

In my experience a lot of people who you’d deem to be slim and having a good relationship with food/their body/exercise are actually quite the opposite and are maintaining their weight with disordered eating/over exercise. I compete in a sport and although everyone looks healthy and has a healthy bmi a high percentage have very fucked up relationships with food/over exercise.

I include myself in that as I maintain slimness by starving and binging a lot of the time yet I look outwardly healthy.
So what I think I’m trying to say is it really isn’t as simple as a thin mindset imho.

@frumpety something I also find useful is to have a small, healthy snack before I am due to have a main meal, or go out for dinner. I.e I'll have a piece of fruit, or some Philadelphia on a cracker about an hour before... this means I'm not entering into a situation where I'm STARVING and risk the danger of over-eating / over-ordering. Your tummy does take time to feel full and if you're ploughing through dinner whilst feeling really hungry, that could also be why you're eating a lot.

Good luck though, I'm sure with some small changes you will see a real difference.

frumpety

I think the bowl/plate size thing has caused a lot of problems for a lot of people. There doesn't seem to me to be any real reason why they were made bigger and I do think that with bigger plates, especially when you are serving visitors, a normal size portion can look really stingy.

Anyway, good luck with it, little changes you can sustain seems to always work better than the crash dieting/pile it all back on loop so many people seem to get stuck in.

This thread is one of the most informative and respectful that I've ever read on MN, thank you for starting it OP.

I was thinking the same! I wasn't sure if it was a bit self-pitying to post "why am I so fat?" but this has been a really good read. Nice that it hasn't degenerated into bitchiness and shaming, either!

I’m a 6-8 on top and 8-10 on bottom, 8st 2lbs at 5’3. Have always been this weight give or take a few lbs each way. Im in my 30’s now.

I LOVE food, and I do mean LOVE! The more unhealthy the better. I have horses and dogs though which has always helped keep me naturally active.

I’ve definitely found since I hit 30 that the weight goes on more quickly, but I never allow myself to keep piling it on. Once my jeans start feeling tight I cut back on junk for a week or so which re-sets me back and from then I just try not to eat AS much junk food which caused the weight to creep up in the first place.

And honestly, surely that’s the difference between an overweight and a slimmer person? The fact that the slimmer person probably panics a bit when they start piling on the lbs so take measures to stop it? Whereas is assuming to get to an overweight status in the first place (unless due to medical issues/ medication) that person hasn’t cared that their clothes have gotten tighter/ that the numbers on the scales are creeping higher and higher.

I eat chocolate every day, but just the 1 bar, or I’ll ‘allow’ myself a few hobnobs with a cup of tea. I have whatever the hell I want for dinner and breakfast is always 1/2 a bagel with butter & peanut butter. I don’t each lunch anymore as don’t get time but when I did, I would just have some fruit and a packet of crisp as let’s face it, if you’re going to have a full on, fattening hot meal at lunch AND dinner, unless you are doing shitloads of intense exercise a day, you’re probably going to put on weight.

So yeh, basically I do eat what I want but within reason as I like being slim and don’t want that to change. I’m naturally active with my lifestyle but if I wasn’t, I’d gym/ class/ jog it 3-4 x a week to help keep the weight off as I love food too much to restrict my diet massively.

I'm in my 30s, around 5 ft 2 and a UK size 4. I am obsessed with food and don't do anything in moderation. But I never eat processed sugar and I can forget to eat when I'm busy at work - often going a whole day with just a coffee and water.

I ate anything I liked when I was slim & a huge amount of crap. I think I burned it off in nervous energy & I also cycled everywhere as rural buses were shit & town was 3miles away. I hit 30 & suddenly got a stone overweight as no longer exercising & sedentary job. I have noticed very obese friend snacks constantly & portion sizes are huge. I've stopped the snacks & cut my portion sizes & do a learner's 7min You Tube workout twice a day & am slowly getting the weight off. If I get hungry a I have fruit or a bowl of cereal, no sugar as it's filling but not many calories.

I never buy any treats that I love like chocolate covered raisins, spicy doritos, jaffa cakes and dark chocolate. I buy treats for the kids that I dislike, so I never get tempted nowadays 🤣

I do think your stomach can get used to a certain amount of food. Nowadays I don't need a lot to feel full and I absolutely hate the "too full" feeling, it makes me feel physically sick.

Yeah I hate the "too full" feeling. And I really identify with that Kate Moss saying. I'm not "skinny" by any stretch of the imagination (5'9" and size 10/12), but I feel so much happier when I consciously make sensible food choices. A doughnut would just taste of regret if I hadn't made allowances for it (i.e. knowing I had done a run that morning, or eaten less during the day), and even then I'd probably still decline it just because there are so many nicer foods in this world that contribute something nutritionally. I don't care what other people do, but for me I can't do that any more. I feel that I wasted my 20s eating shit, being pregnant and trying to lose baby weight and I'll be damned if I spend the next decade hating my body and my own lack of control.

imo 'treatfood' is fine, if you treat it as food.
if I want crisps I will have them as the carb part of a meal for example.

Until mid 40s I was always about a size 8, now it's more 10-12 as I'm less active /metabolism slows down.

I've never eaten breakfast - I hate overeating and am scared of being sick. I hate sitting still for ages eating long meals, always wish I could do something instead. Sometimes I will forget to eat. As a child my mother always made me eat everything and encouraged me to overeat - I tried to resist and thankfully when she took me to doctor for not complying he told her off and pointed out she was obese and I was the right weight.

I don't always eat healthily - love desserts and cakes and chocolate but would try to ensure overall calories for the day isn't crazy. When I was younger I would sometimes eat 3 chocolate bars in a day but no breakfast and a very minimal savoury part to lunch. I do like food but hate eating foods I dislike of which there are quite a lot. Now I've hit mid 40s for first time in my life I'm not automatically right weight without thinking about it. When I was pregnant with second I eat so much - 5 meals a day but lost it quickly afterwards as only ate one meal a day for months. No idea why but just felt right.

If I have big meals like at MIL I feel physically sick and also can go really hot, dizzy, shaky and tired - don't know why but I hate the feeling. Goes away after sleep and drink lots of water but feel terrible for an hour or a few hours.

I have a bmi of 19.5 but have height on my side (6ft). I'm not an emotional eater, I eat if I'm hungry, and I enjoy my favourite treats (millionaires shortbread, dime bars, fudge...) but if there's a table full of junk at work which isn't necessarily what I enjoy/my favourites I don't bother. I've noticed the larger people just eat it reagardless. Maybe being fussy helps??! I also keep an eye on my weight and if it goes up above my usual level I just cut back on carbs for a while without making a big drama about it (as it's SO boring hearing people obsess about calories all day long!)