To wish I had some friends

[Morgenrot]

I'm lonely. My partner thinks we don't need friends and, to be honest, I'm fine with it most of the time (and we have been together for a lot of years) but sometimes I just wish I had someone to talk to about things that don't interest him, if you see what I mean.

Why dont you have friends? Do you have any couple friends, or do neither of you have friends? Do you work or have hobbies?

Sorry, that was a bit of an interrogation! You're not unreasonable for wanting friends, of course you're not. Its good to have other people to talk to.

I think its weird when a couple don’t have any friends whatsoever. I just don’t think it’s healthy only having each other

When was your last friendship and what happened
to it?

YANBU. Friends are precious.

What things is he not interested in? Could you go to for example and art class to meet 'arty' people?

After a shock break up I wish I had maintained more friends outside my relationship... not saying this will ever happen to you OP x

My partner thinks we don't need friends

I can relate to this. My ex used to huff if I dared to invite people round, and I ended up losing friends. He also was this "we only need each other" type, but I also wanted friends to chat about stuff he wasn't interested in. I basically became his only human entertainment, and I felt suffocated.

He's an ex now, and I'm building up my social life again, reconnecting with old friends.

How about finding a club or group for any interests you have? Sometimes, to make friends you have to put yourself out there. I've had to do this, but it can be rewarding.

Neither me of dh have anyone else. No friends or family except dc.
Is a bit odd and lonely at times.

My ddogs hear far too much chat when I am home alone ime!!
Far too old to make any at 48..

@SonEtLumiere you've pretty much summed it up actually.
@Windydaysuponus . I'm 53
As for clubs etc. He doesn't see why I would go on my own. Recently I've tried to persuade him to do/go to things that I like more than he does but he doesn't make it much fun. He doesn't really want me to do stuff without him.

But what do YOU want, OP?

windy rubbish. Of course you aren't too old

I’m also with a “we only need each other” kind of person. They’re really introverted but I like to talk... It does make me pretty lonely sometimes but I just don’t have the confidence to go and try and make friends anymore.

Morganrot if you think you need friends then you do! Don't let him run your life.
I have layers of friends. Workmates, school mums, ex colleagues, etc but I have 4 friends 3 of whom I don't see very often but i can tell them anything and if I turned up on their doorstep I would always be welcome. DH is happy with his various groups of vague mates

I guess everybody's different, some more sociable and others less so, there's no right and wrong way to be. Whether you need and want friends is your decision, not your husband's though!

I've been with my partner a long time now, it will be 30 years next summer - we're both in our early 50's. Over all that time, friends have come and gone, but I still have a few close friends from university that I'd count as best friends, and so does my other half. We've made (together and independently) new friends along the way, through work or socialising, and some old friendships have slipped away. I really value my friendships with other people, even the newer and less meaningful ones.

One thing I notice is that as I get older, I am less bothered about making new friends, and more content with my own company. I find social media, much maligned on MN, is actually really useful for keeping in touch with old friends who now live far off, half way round the world in some cases.

@Wilmalovescake i don't think I even know anymore

I've never been a confident person and I'm even less so as I've got older. I've e always been ridiculously shy.

I think it’s very sad if people don’t have friends, I think it is a bit odd (& controlling) if your DH says ‘you don’t need friends’. To be blunt, one of you will eventually be left on your own and if you don’t have a group of friends/neighbours/acquaintances, life might be very hard. I am involved with a lot of older people & those that have a network of support cope far better when their partner dies.
My DH & I have been married over 30 years but we each have our own groups of friends and interests, I couldn’t cope just being together every night & weekend . I need a much wider circle (& so does he).

I personally have no interest (presently) in going out and seeking friendships, but I wouldn't try to stop my husband from doing so.

If you're your husbands only friend, I can see why he might (selfishly) worry that you'd end up going out "too much", leaving him feeling lonely and bored on his own. However, that's his own problem to face, which he can do by joining you, finding his own activity, or spending time on a solitary hobby while you're away from home.

He shouldn't object to you going out and meeting others, but even if he does, you can't let that stop you from doing something for yourself.

He seems controlling

He sounds suffocating, saying you don't need friends and not knowing why you'd want to go anywhere without him. Both DH and I socialise with friends separately and together. I'm taking a trip with two girlfriends next year for a week. It never crossed my mind to ask DH's opinion or permission. We have bern married almost 25 years.

@Ragwort I do worry quite a lot about what would happen if I am left on my own. I don't really know how I would cope.
Thanks to all that have taken the time to reply, I really appreciate it.

Morganrot, what would YOU like to do? Are you sporty, arty, bookish? Do you like animals?

It isnt fair that your DH gets to overrule your wish for friends. If you want to meet people and do different things, you can do it.

What would happen if you said something like ‘I’m going to a WI meeting’, would he really try and stop you? .