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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel pissed off that men say how much they love their kids after divorce?!

27 replies

Longlongsummer · 20/10/2019 16:22

But they are basically abandoning said kids so no, I really don’t buy it that they love them!

And yes do understand, not all men, many are cheated on and left. Not all men are like this.

However for the me that are feckless, don’t step up and are not good Dads before divorce, which is often why there is a divorce, it annoys the hell out of me! I hear it over and over. It will be so awful for me not to see my kids, I love them so much it’s going to be terrible. And everyone gives them loads of sympathy. Poor bloke, without his kids.

Or he insists on 50/50 but these kids he loves to much? Well they get given to granny or the new girlfriend. It’s for show really.

I know I am cynical about this. And quite possibly a bit bitter! [bashful]

However my Ex has gone on for years about how much he loves our son. How awful for him not to have him full time. His child is ‘everything to him’. But he clearly isn’t. Like a lot of men who do this he:

  • shirks maintenance
  • never parents. As you know. That would break the loving strong bond they have where he spends much of his time telling DS how much he loves him. So no clue as homework, school, life, problems.
  • is horrible to me, his mother, like that is somehow a necessary part of showing DS he has this great love for him but his mother can then be the bad guy, for just about everything.

Sigh... just a bit sick of it! I hear this time and time again from friends who have divorced too. Seems very common. And if I see a bloke on a dating site with all of his kids I just think... oh no another one! The family man... almost definitely not! He’s left them!

My father left us when we were young. However I think then he could not have got away with then bleating on about how much he loved us. Everyone, including his own family, saw clearly that he was basically abandoning us as kids. He would have got short shrift if he’d started wanting sympathy because he missed us!

AIBU?!

OP posts:
Longlongsummer · 20/10/2019 19:47

The mother invariably gets the children and the house, and the father gets to pay maintenance. why wouldn’t a father who loves his kids want to pay maintenance and support the mother? And to have his kids in the place best suited to THEIR interests? That is what love is.

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 20/10/2019 19:53

Yeah some are shit , ex is one of them. I don't know anyone who has 50:50

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